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THE GREAT MOOSENAK PREDICTS!
by Dineegla
Classical Artist
17 years ago
It's 2009, and the Great Moosenak has come out of hiding to do his annual predictions for all his furry fans!
Everyone who comments on my page will get a New Year's Prediction from me, especially for them! Whether or not it comes true is up to YOU! *grins*
Dineegla
Picture of The Great Moosenak courtesy of ©2009, MuscleWolf
(The Great Moosenak is a take-off of "The Great Karnak," by Johnny Carson, late night TV)
Everyone who comments on my page will get a New Year's Prediction from me, especially for them! Whether or not it comes true is up to YOU! *grins*
Wishing everyone a Healthy, Propserous, and Happy New Year! Dineegla
Picture of The Great Moosenak courtesy of ©2009, MuscleWolf
(The Great Moosenak is a take-off of "The Great Karnak," by Johnny Carson, late night TV)
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Mammal (Other)
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Your prediction
In one month you will cross under a ladder of a painter painting a brightly coloured mural. The paint will spill all over you, thus bringing a new meaning to a little know creature called a "Neon Gobi."
Your nephew will move in soon, making you wish for buying a 9mm handgun. But you settle for slave labor instead.
And you will have an incredible connection with the letter "Q".
Ahhh, the crystal ball has gone dark...
Your Prediction
Ah! The Fates are kind to you! You will build a hut inside the Montreal Biosphere and people from all walks of life will come to seek guidance from you. For a price.
Your icon on FA will miraculously stop blinking, and you will see it as a sign to start that new porn comic you've been wanting to do!
You will form a Gothic rock band consisting of fourteen, old ladies in punk rock goth outfits. You will take the country by storm and eclipse the Beatle's record of albums going platinum.
Ahhh, the visions have stopped...
And there WAS this one comic...Highly kinky.
THe band thing is obvious. 14 old ladies, as in OOOLLD or just older ladies, like in their 30's and 40's?
Cause i know a few of them in other bands.
Your Prediction
Be BRAVE! You will receive a nice, new copy of SketchUp 7. After installing it on your hard drive. it will reach out and drag you into it's polygonal madness. Just keep repeating, "Oprah makes a mean Gumbo" quietly to yourself, and you will defeat it, reaching a level of nirvana unseen by anyone since watching "Hee Haw" on TV while eating "funny mushrooms."
Watch out for classic, vintage roadsters that you adore. While finishing a nifty story for Dineegla's Furocity Gym, you will cross a street, not paying attention to traffic, but proofreading the story. You will hit by that classic roadster and end up in the hospital where William Bison volunteers as a male nurse. Oh my!!! You get well soon! (O.o)
I'm sorry, no more. The Great Moosenak is exhausted...
I've always wanted to explore the insides of my computer firsthand (makes all those juicy jpegs on my now-full 500gb drive even more yummy), Oprah DOES make a mean gumbo (too bad i don't LIKE gumbo. I know i know, new orleanians are supposed to be born with a taste for it), i've got enough problems keeping my mom from shoving more anti-depressants and god-only-knows-what-else cuz she thinks I"M the problem and not my dad so shrooms are a little off character but i can appreciate the reference.
I'm not messing with the rest of it cuz i like how it ends.
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GIIIRRRL
WHERE DID YOU GETTHOSE HAAAAAAAIGH HEEELS
THEY SPINNIN THEY SPINNIN
Your Prediction
Isn't it obvious? Giorgio Armani and Donatella Versace will fight over you to covet your fashion sense for their new Spring clothing line, but Domenico Dolce and Stefano Gabbana will insist on sleeping with you first, thus inspiring your own line of "lounge wear."
The prediction was there, staring me right in the face....
Your Prediction
Great News!! A novel you are writing involving mutants will become a best seller, right behind another novel wit the word, "Science" in it. Richard Simmons will beg you for the role of Night Crawler. Ignore him.
Stephen King will fall madly on love with your work and offer you his suite in the new Trump Tower in Chicago for your muse. There you will find his servants, 3 incredible well built (and well hung O.o) bodybuilders of different races, definitely to your liking, thus spurring you to better writing and sleepless nights.
Madonna will write a song about you.
*sigh* I must rest now...
Your Prediction
On a trip to the Australian outback, you will lose your way. Towards evening, you will come across a beautiful ranch with many fine Arabian Horses. Entering the compound, you will be greeted by sweet music and amazing smells that will make you deliriously hungry. As you head for the smells, an incredibly muscular black stallion bars your way, his beautiful sexy body glistening in the moonlight. He will pick you up and steals you into his tent, claiming you as his own.
You throw your cell phone away.
Hell, you don't care at all!
The crystal ball has gone dark (DAMMIT!!! OH C'MON!!!!)
Oh Moosie of prediction, Gaze in to your crystal balls. to predict my future.
Shall I prosper or will I fail?
Happy Nude year
Your Prediction
A fur will come forward professing great love for you. He will be two feet high, but you will prevail. You will be chosen to be the first fur in Obama's Cabinet. You will become the Poster Boy for "Yes, We Can!"
Furocity Gym will be like a second home to you. While on a hike, you will find an unusual coin, which will prove that there was a lost city of Atlantis.
I'm sorry. My balls have gone cloudy...
[i] Your Prediction
Well, I see grand things for your whole family! As last year, CANADA figures prominently in your Nephew's life. For some reason, I see him settling down in Canada with a lovely Asian girl, all that he ever wanted. He shall be a disk jockey on a late night radio show called, "Hey, Hoser!" and embrace the Canadian flag wholeheartedly. Don't tell me no, I only interpret what I get from the "Other Side."
Your Mother will get the recipes she longs for, and will make a guest appearance on the "Martha Stewart Show's" segment on "Down Home Cookin'."
You will lose over 100 pounds by AC 2008, and after bodybuilding, will have over half the furs at AC buzzing about your sexy bootay. They will ensnare you everywhere at AC, and you will gladly show them Mino hospitality. You will enjoy ALL that Texas has to offer *grins*. Finally, a certain Gym Owner will draw your ultimate picture that will swoon everyone who sees it. You will have to hire a personal secretary to handle all your business contracts and find out that your personality will overpower anyone who talks to you, leaving them on their knees. This Master ATtitude will endow you with many slaves!
Wow, the Crystal Ball is smokin' after THAT one!!! *grabs a fire extinguisher*
My mom like any mom loves to cook, and would love the new recipes, but I don't see her going on TV. Weeeeell maybe TV after all.
Hehehehe...now you got me making sure I keep my word and make that prediction happy at long last. Mmmmm...muscle fur worship. Now that is a goal worth having. Texas was looking a bit cloudy on my end, but something in the news today might help make it happen after all. Man, you are good. Oh? The ultmate drawing of me from a certain Gym Owner? Mmmmmm..sounds good, but I don't want the ultimate drawing for that would mean (to me anyway), that it was one of the last drawings from said Gym Owner and I would not like that to happen anytime soon. Hope not to many furs fall for me, or I might not have time for my no. one fan? and that would be a big shame. Well, with that many slaves, I would have time for my no. one fan after all.
*Sees the Crystal Ball smoking and before you can grab hold of the fire extinguisher he lets out a few powerful snorts close to it and cool it back down.* Hehehehehe...there you go. Just wipe it down and it will be good to go.
Happy New Year
Your Prediction
Ah, for you I feel the spirit world reaching from far, far away...
It seems that... wait... it's coming to me... It seems that, while walking you dog in some secluded woods, you will come across an "Extraterrestrial Vehicle," shiney and glowing. While you are looking at it, a large, tall form, well over 8 feet, will confront you and offer you peace! You will be the First Contact with an alien species! Your dog will pee on your leg. He will take you into his ship, and after he takes off his suit, you will be overwhelmed with his BEARISH good looks, and huge, muscular NAKED body. He will fall to his knees and by the power vested in him, make you His World's King!!!
Meanwhile, you will be brought o the White House, where President Obama and all the Chiefs of Staff will award you the medal of honor, and great accolades. You will inform President Obama that you will need to go to the Planet and serve as the Earth Ambassidor.
After arriving there, you will discover that the ENTIRE planet will worship you, while a few select magnificent specimens will have been chosen to "serve" you. After awhile, you will find out that their "offerings" have made you immortal, so you contact BigWolfPaws for a generational supply of his Male Enhancement product, much to the eternal joy of the planet!
Okay I'll bite.....
NO, NOT LITERALLY, SHEESH !
What da' ya' see fer muh inna future moosie ?
- W -
* tapping his gigantic foot paw onna ground lightly while waiting for his prediction *
Your Prediction
You will invest with a dentist into creating a Dentistry for Macro Furs. You will make millions. Moosie will also create a shrink ray that will allow you to visit the Furocity Gym. You make lots of nice friends and find a sweet fur that will fall madly in love with you: as a regular fur AND as a macro fur.
The crystal ball has faded into quietness
- W -
* Macro Dentistry..... Guys w/ jackhammers & so forth *
Your Prediction
Your schooling will go over very well, much to your joy. You will also fins a "Special Someone" in your life. The color green will figure in your aura. You will have more, great adventures with Dineegla in the Deep Forest!
The cards make it so...
Your Prediction
*holds card to head* Answer: Catastrophe - Question: What do 200 outer space cat's butts pay for?
You will build an ark for all the kittens in the world. And when the Humane Society comes to put you away for poor sanitary conditions AND insanity, you will wish you had heeded MY WARNING!
Here's my warning> no fish down your pants.
The Ouija board just went south for the Winter *sigh*
Your Predictions
You will create the recipe for fat-free, no calorie cookies, which taste INCREDIBLE!!!
Brought to you by the letter, "Y".
Your Prediction
There is an underground group that is waiting to get you. Take Care! Poppa Smurf and his minions are after you for some reason. Did you dis them in some fashion? I recommend hiding with Santa's elves for a few months. Keep an eye out for anything PURPLE that moves.
On the bright side, you will attend your first Anthrocon 2009 in May. (What? What do you mean it's in June?!?!?!)
Oh, uh, sorry. I'm not responsible for Crystal Ball dropped calls...
sorry...
Your Prediction
You will develope a sudden, intense hatred towards Mop Buckets. On the other hand, you will lose your shyness and become the next Bond - 007. Women will throw themselves at your feet... and knock you over. Be vigilant for heavyset, big chested women. They can spell your downfall.
You will fall in love with dwarf Christmas Trees and want one in every room of your house. The dwarves will not be so happy, however.
The number 1,765,009 will figure prominently in your near future, aong with an albino rhino.
"The number you have reached is temporarily out of service. Please hand up and try again later."
Your Prediction
Somehow you will get a beautiful picture of something you love from a lovely furry couple. You will rejoice because you have faith!
You will open your own martial arts school, and even help at Furocity Gym every once in awhile.
What's this?? You will invent some "martial arts" in the bedroom and call them "marital arts." Dr. Ruth Westheimer will study under you.
The smoke and haze has dissipated to nothingness. All is done...
Thank you, oh far-seeing Moodenak! That was cool!
*Shoots the Typo-Faery *
Sorry bout that
Your Prediction
Well, well, well! YOU will be "discovered" while leaving the Furocity Gym, by an incredible producer, who will help you star in a major motion picture...In Albania (the subtitles will be a bitch to produce). You will return home triumphant... to an empty airport. BUT NEVER FEAR!
After you eat your producer, you will be inspired to produce your own line of cologne and male enhancement products. The image of your proud member on every box will send millions into a drooling frenzy, buying your product with abandon.
After a wonderful run on American Idol, you shall produce your own Wildlife show like Marlin Perkins called, Mutually satisfying "Wilder Kingdom."
While on production, you will stumble across the world's biggest diamond and gain even more fame!
It's all in The Cards....
Happy New Year
Your Prediction
Life will turn about for you! You will be named Mexico's "Teacher of The Year," receiving accolades and revered by everyone. You will be discovered as the natural movie critic that you are, and be offered a chance to become your country's greatest asset. You will travel to The United States, and find great love in a huge, hunky German Guy! You will become so famous that you will inspire a catchphrase: "Don't Buffalo Me!" meaning to "always speak truth in my presence."
*takes you under his arms and takes a break in my dressing room*
hehehehe "don't buffalo me"? XD that was good! I may use it from now >:3
*snugs you in your arms while walking to the dress room*
Your Prediction
You will find an entire civilzation of minuscule people underneath your front porch. Your amazement will turn to horror as you overhear their domination of the world. Ya gotta love Raid.
You will breed the next generation of TV dogs, called "Chester, Come Home." Chester, unlike Lassie, is a street-wise dawg who drives you nuts with his home-boy banter and kickass "tude. You finally give in after Chester hands you a check for a million dollars and some bling that makes your eyes pop out.
See, he's a good doggie! Yes, you are, my sweetums...
*I look down to see that Chester has just wet my leg. I throw the Ouija board at him as he laughs at me*
Happy New Year
Your Prediction
I see you getting the accolades you want, and everyone is loving your writing. NBC approaches you to write a sitcom about an Asian fur living in Minnesota, called "Ah-sota!" Personally, it doesn't look good until they change the title.
While on the set, you will run into the cast of "Heroes," and get scripted in as Micah Sander's Talking Dog. Um, never mind that you're a fox, they'll work around it.
Maybe even do a backstory episode just on you. Heavens knows, I've lost track of following the show months ago...
Finally, you will discover uses for bellybutton lint, and rake in a... modest sum.
The Crystal Ball has gone dark...
Answer: A, B, C, D, E, F, G.
Question: What were some of the earlier forms of Preparation H?
Answer: Sis Boom Bah
Question: What sound does a sheep make when it explodes?
Extra prediction: Some sad news from Australia....the inventor of the boomerang grenade died today...."
Ansqwer: Zippity Doo dah
Question: What do you do when you find your doodah open?
Okay, now let's get serious...what does the great Moosenak predict for my life in 2009?
Your Prediction
You will invent head polish that will create a luxurious sheen upon everyone's bald pate who uses it. But it has a curious side effect: it makes those men crazy for you. After selling 500 gross at the Mr. Olympia Contest, you sit back and enjoy life, as well you SHOULD! Black will be your color, bay-bee...
On a serious note: The great Moosenak sees lots of love for his darling friend, and a wonderful relationship between Colin and da Moose and Wolf.
The Crystal Ball NEVER lies...
Your Prediction
As the Great Moosenak gets famous for his predictions, he will hire you to imitate Ed McMahon as he repeats the answers the Great Moosenak Spews forth!
While on tour, you will fall in love with a rich, muscular polar bear named "Chuck" and settle down to a sweet relationship.
Hey, it's all in the cards. I see what I read, that's all...
Happy New Year
Your Prediction
You will be in a spelling bee.... and win! Papa Moosie will be very happy with you and you will learn to correctly spell.
The cards tell all...
Your Prediction
Did you know that green will be your favorite color? It's in the cards...
Now, let's get down to business. In a few months, you will grab ahold of a downed, electrical wire, which will imbue you will incredible power, and a sparkling personality! You will find that the current will have great consequences on your "member," making it quite electrifying to enjoy having sex with you, as well as finding it hard to fit you, thus hiring a custom tailor for your "ancillary needs." You will also find that a few minutes of gratification alone will power your home for at least a week. An incredible asset.
You will gain prominence in the Furocity Gym, all will adore your afterglow, and a certain Moose will continue to admire you from afar, and slip you cookies in the lockerroom,
Damn, the crystal ball just shorted out...
Now gimme a fortune, moosie!
Your Prediction
THe dream you had will continue to dog your 2009 until you adopt and breed the Tribbles that are also prominent. After that, your dreams will be of spotted dinosaurs and neon-coloured, 3 rank pipe organs that will produce colored bubbles when performed on.
While at a flea market, you will stumble across an old amulet, one of great power unknown by the seller. When you wear it, it will make others see you the way you wish to be seen, or even NOT seen. After a rash of street exposures in San Francisco, you will stop fooling around and realize hoe powerful this amulet truly is. You will develop a great following until a well-built, beautiful man will confide in you that it does not work on him... but YOU DO! This will lead you to run away with him and enjoy life, together, in great style!
The Ouija board never slides wrongly...
Now THAT'S a fortune!!!
Thank you very much!!! <HIPPO HUGS YA>
Your Prediction
Bulls figure prominently in your future, powerful ones of great stature and infinite lovemaking staying power. Contact bigwolfpaws above for his male enhancement products!
In your home, you will find a hidden door in the back of your closet, nailed shut by the previous occupants who disappeared mysteriously before your parents purchased the home. Under no circumstances must you open that door until you are ready and metanlly prepared for the consequences, which are..
Oh I AM sorry. The Crystal Ball has gone dark...
Your Prediction
(Inasmuch as you KNOW we Christians can't take this seriously, I intend to make it as hilarious as possible)
Your mother never told you you were raised by parakeets when you were growing up, but your parents found the oversized nest in time. You were weaned successfully from seed and at the age of ten, you had a near death/out of body/sensory overload/fatalistically inclined/ temporal Buddhist/I-see-the-light-at-the-end-of-the-tunnel/snake handling/rosary-rattling/incense burning/virgin-in-a-volcano upheavaling religious experience that brought you to where you are now. All the angels in heaven look down joyfully at you as you have been chosen to open up the first Religious Car Wash and Baptismal "one-stop-shop". I envy you!
Meanwhile, blueberries figure prominently in your life, especially in th Spring, followed by the letter "D." Be aware of that, Commander. It's important!
Oh, and when you trip on the cracked sidewalk in April and fall, please look to your left...There will be a species of squirrel that you will discover: A flesh-eating, boomerang-throwing species that fights with Ginsu knives.
alas, the crystal has smoked out...
Your Prediction
I see chocolate in your future! And tons and tons of Hostess Ho-Hos! Little baby animals will cavort through your life, making you seem like you're in a zoo! But never fear; all will be gone by June. A girl will play a prominent role in your life, and she does mean well, even if you think not. You will wind surf, and coming out of the sea, you will discover a form of sea shell unknown to man. World of Warcraft finds you a success: you will introduce Flying Monkeys at a crucial point of the game and it will be known as "The Monkey Madness Move." Albino Penguins will attack you at the mall. Be vigilant!
It's in the cards, honest...
Your Prediction
Two wonderful , older furs will leave you at the airport if you're not nice to the Big One. On the other hand, you are MUCH loved by both, to the point of them waiting for your call every night. I see several winnings in Pokemon in your future, with the Illinois Contingent cheering you on. You will write more, wonderful stories for the Gym, and I see several trips for you this year. Best of all, you will get several surprises in the mail. Watch for them! You will find your long-lost brother working out at the Gym. Together, you two will drive people there past their breaking point, and lead MuscleWolf to be a serious, mental wreck.
Life will be happy for you!
The Crystal Ball goes silent...
The Great MOOSENAK shall now retire from his Adoring Public until next year
When I shall again lay it on ya!
...Oh, and just in case you wondered WHY MuscleWolf didn't seek his fortune?
He told me that he sees LOVE in our future...
ohh moosenak what will be my future?