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Sorry for the lack of updates guys. They should start picking up a bit more now.

From here on in, I'm going to try to do some writing on every post. Let's hope this lasts.

(This will also be posted in my journal, if you want to respond to it there.)

This current chapter of Battle Holiday is called Goat Rope.

Goat Rope is military jargon. Specifically paramilitary, from what I've read. Saying "Goat Rope" would be synonymous with "Charlie Foxtrot" which means "Cluster Fuck." Charlie Foxtrot I get, but I can't for the life of me understand what Goat Rope is supposed to mean exactly. It does just sort of sound like a bad thing. Goat Rope.

I've been interested in this kind of stuff a lot lately. Military stuff: War stories, fiction, satire, all somewhat centering around our current crisis in the Middle East. I mean, I like a lot of stories from any war, but there's something about our role in the current global environment that is strangely and compellingly ambiguous.

Here's some things I've watched recently that have fed this fire: Generation Kill (season 1 on DVD out now, it's amazing), Gunner Palace, Taxi To The Dark Side, the documentaries of Adam Curtis (specifically The Power of Nightmares) and I'm looking forward to seeing Errol Morris' Standard Operating Procedure. Those are all nonfiction, even Generation Kill, which despite being an HBO miniseries, is all very legitimate and close to the real operations depicted.

What I'm finding from watching this stuff is that my views on these people (mostly marines) are splitting in two different directions. Before involving myself with all this stuff, I just sort of generically disliked military and was never a member of the "support the troops" set. I shared the views of comedian Doug Stanhope which is "If people who want to kill people are killing other people who want to kill people, then you're killing all the right people." But of course, as I'm learning, it's not that easy.

Now, somehow, I hate politicians and top brass military more than I ever have before. There is a sensation among any sort of profession wherein people manipulate statistics so that the numbers come out in their favor and help get them get promoted, and it shouldn't be a surprise to anybody that this happens in the military too. I've heard it said that this is a very modern phenomenon and comes from the business philosophy that incentives must be given to make people do their jobs more effectively, but I personally believe this kind of thing has gone on as long as there has been Capitalism. It would seem a lot of the problems in the war come from this sort of thing.

For example, a maneuver or mission may be ordered to make it appear that a platoon of soldiers have taken on a group of hostile enemies, and thus put their lives on the line in a dangerous mission for their country, awarding them (and their commanding officer, of course) generous commendations and possibly a promotion in rank. In actuality, the group of hostiles might have just been some villagers who only became hostile when some marines started shooting at them as commanded. In the case of Iraqis, you'd never know the difference, considering the Republican National Guard dress like civilians most of the time. Point being, the people in charge don't ALWAYS have the best interest of the nation in mind out there, nor should anyone expect them to.

All that said, (and finally getting to my point) I have mixed feelings about the soldiers. The Troops I should be supporting are a mystery to me. I always look at footage from this current war and find myself amazed to see soldiers who I would normally expect to be stoic, hard-faced warriors who's minds are constantly heavy with the implications of taking the lives of fellow human beings, instead singing, dancing and joking. I've seen footage of marines break-dancing in their chemical weapon protection gear, belting out pop songs with their fellow soldiers with guns pointed on look out, bullshitting about fucking all the time,and constantly talking about the joy of killing. My personal favorite bit of footage is a US marine with M-16 in hand yelling at a bunch of Iraqi citizens "We're here for your fucking freedom!" Seeing all that stuff along with all that we saw on TV years ago about torture and misconduct with detained prisoners, it finally occurred to me:

The war is a parody of itself.

Watching and listening to US soldiers is the funniest, darkest comedy you will ever experience. Everyone out there can see the cynicism and darkness of what they do. They can see the immeasurable loss of life the war is bringing, but they have to laugh about it. They have to bullshit. They have to sing and dance and talk about being "born to kill" because otherwise they couldn't do their job. They are the smiling, grinning mouth of the wolf we've become. I can't watch this stuff without laughing my ass off, and I don't know how to feel about that. I might be just as cynical as they are perhaps, but it's this very aspect of the war and the soldiers fighting it that contribute to my increasing uncertainty about what it means to be an American right now.

I, just like those soldiers, can see the (excuse me) Goat-Ropeness of everything that's been going on. And, unless you're involved in politics or planning on moving to another country, you just gotta laugh about it. You gotta cry too, knowing that you're an organ of evil, knowing that you're a well-greased cog in a killer society that consumes the life of the world in-mass, but the part of you that's an individual has to laugh, because if you don't, you'll go insane. Those gun-toting children out there know this. They're blowing people away out there so that we can keep enjoying the relative excess of coffee shops with wireless internet and iPhones and video stores in the hopes that one day they can become one of us. Those dudes are fighting for a paycheck and college money.

So, see, I don't know how to feel. No matter what I say about any of this, no matter how evil I think killing people is, no matter how fucked up I think war is, no matter how much I lack the understanding of what it is to want anybody to die by your own hands, I'm still reaping the benefits of murder as I type, and I'm unfortunately happy with my situation despite this. Should I feel guilty about this? Sometimes I do. Do you?

Do we share the sins of those who represent us. Are Americans individuals with varying opinions and points of view who are globally being misrepresented, or are we the guts of one very large snarling beast? I don't know the answer to that question. It's all fuckin' goat rope. I do know this much: The more you look for black and white in any situation, the more grey you find.

****

PS: Here are some other modern war-oriented things that also tickle my weeping dark-comedy funny bone (and they were all released in 2008): War Inc, Southland Tales, Postal The Movie (yes, the Uwe Boll one, it's a guilty pleasure, bring the hate) and Metal Gear Solid 4, which I think is one of the most pointed, beautiful and well-execute works of satire ever crafted.

Thanks for reading. Sorry it was so long.