I'm working on translating things faster, though I had to implement some major changes in large part of the text, compared to the polish version, simply to make it better, and the action flow faster. Here is the next chapter of Carnival for those few, hopefully growing in number, that care to read it. I hope you enjoy it and if you do, please, don't be shy to fave, comment - it really can help a beginner such as myself to get noticed :)
If you have some constructive reflections and criticism, please do not hesitate to let me know what you think as well :)
If you have some constructive reflections and criticism, please do not hesitate to let me know what you think as well :)
Category Story / All
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 120 x 120px
File Size 344.5 kB
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I am not sure if it is due to translation or what was decide for your cut, but there was a lack here in important elements that keep the story balanced.
Your character and environmental description was weak compared to the prologue.
The strengths of anthropomorphic fiction lie in the anthropomorphic. What makes these characters wolves, dogs, etc., and far more than just men. Use this to you advantage and reinforce these traits to your audience. For example what makes Finn a Wolf person among other wolf people? Developing anthropomorphic writers often forget this and just say wolf or wolf person over and over again (tails, ears, expressions, fur, claws, sound, etc.).
This is a fantasy story. Fantasy depends on the awe and the fantastic for the audience and not just rolled out tropes.
Think how you can establish the awe in this through culture, through character, through land. It is the small things that often build the wonder and the fantastic.
One of the issues here is that you are very dialogue heavy. This though, may be due to translation on how Polish shapes a speaker in a sentence instead of English. People do more than just talk though, think about the things they do, habits, facial expression, and actions. This will help break up the dialogue.
On openings: So we start with an 80 page prologue with fascinating political intrigue and jump to day dreaming masturbation?
In writing there is a relationship between audience, text, and you as the author. These too are related to logic, ethics, and emotion.
Beginnings are important and a prologue and story have a two count step even if separate in narrative their becomes an expectation within the audience.
Beginning this way despite humorous and giving us some depth of character does skip a beat and causes arguments about ethics and emotional soundness in our relationship between text, author, and audience.
Really as it is, it is fine. It is just thinking about these things and getting into that frame work as a writer that is the thing to be developed.
I am interesting to see this initiation as it starts.
Keep writing.
Your character and environmental description was weak compared to the prologue.
The strengths of anthropomorphic fiction lie in the anthropomorphic. What makes these characters wolves, dogs, etc., and far more than just men. Use this to you advantage and reinforce these traits to your audience. For example what makes Finn a Wolf person among other wolf people? Developing anthropomorphic writers often forget this and just say wolf or wolf person over and over again (tails, ears, expressions, fur, claws, sound, etc.).
This is a fantasy story. Fantasy depends on the awe and the fantastic for the audience and not just rolled out tropes.
Think how you can establish the awe in this through culture, through character, through land. It is the small things that often build the wonder and the fantastic.
One of the issues here is that you are very dialogue heavy. This though, may be due to translation on how Polish shapes a speaker in a sentence instead of English. People do more than just talk though, think about the things they do, habits, facial expression, and actions. This will help break up the dialogue.
On openings: So we start with an 80 page prologue with fascinating political intrigue and jump to day dreaming masturbation?
In writing there is a relationship between audience, text, and you as the author. These too are related to logic, ethics, and emotion.
Beginnings are important and a prologue and story have a two count step even if separate in narrative their becomes an expectation within the audience.
Beginning this way despite humorous and giving us some depth of character does skip a beat and causes arguments about ethics and emotional soundness in our relationship between text, author, and audience.
Really as it is, it is fine. It is just thinking about these things and getting into that frame work as a writer that is the thing to be developed.
I am interesting to see this initiation as it starts.
Keep writing.
FA+

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