This was a vent

feeling kinda depressed all the time
I just want a job even tho working full-time makes me want to kill myself even more so it's a lose-lose situation either way but at least if I'm working I'm not a dead weight.
I kinda wanna live but also wanna die. What I'm doing now isn't either. I can't live the way I want to without money but I'm too much of a failure to keep a job. I get confused too easily, my brain's too slow, I'm never going to be anything.