Hello, and welcome readers, friends, followers, and viewers. This is your friendly neighborhood writer, reader, and purple panda Mei-Lien, here for a brand new installment of ‘What’s On with Mei-Mei’. Today is a very special day. We have with us here in our studio a most intriguing guest. For several years she has been lurking around in the hidden areas of your very town, learning our customs, exploring our various cultures, and observing our society as humans. Regrettably since she tends to be rather withdrawn, this was the first time this intrepid reporter has been able to corner the elusive woman and it took all of my persuasive skills to convince her to come in for you all! But here she is now, ladies and gentlemen. Please welcome the Conductor!

~As the Conductor steps out from behind the curtain, she seems confused by all the lights blinding her. She pauses to ask one of the stagehands why there are so many people watching her and inquires if she has been conned into being the victim of a public execution. Eventually she is led to her chair where she sits quite erect and at attention. ~

Mei: Good morning everyone and welcome to our special guest. How are you feeling this morning?

Conductor: My internal program is registering emotions marked as ‘content’ and ‘excited’, Ms Show Host.

Mei: That is good to hear. Oh, and please call me ‘Mei-Mei’.

Conductor: Your correction has been noted. Thank you kindly for your assistance.

Mei: Well, you are very welcome! So, for our first question we’ll start with the basics: what is your name?

Conductor: I am called ‘the Conductor’.

Mei: Do you not have a regular name?

Conductor: No.

Mei: Have you ever been given a nickname?

Conductor: I have, but my internal systems register negative emotional responses at the use of a name.

Mei: Is there a reason for that?

Conductor: My people are identified by their function. We are given titles, not names.

Mei: Why is that?

Conductor: Each being is a single part of the whole. We are built for a singular function and purpose. Our titles reflect our preordained task, and we must comply with that duty. There is no room for individual identity as that can compromises the system.

Mei: Interesting. So your title ‘the Conductor’ is basically what you do. Could you elaborate on what that is?

Conductor: That information is classified.

Mei: Um… Well, we are in an interview, Conductor. You have to answer these questions.

Conductor: Is it part of your social protocol that the status of a talk show host is to be seen as a higher authority, therefore granting me permission to disregard my orders?

Mei: ~glances at her stage hands, clearly confused, but answers confidently. ~ Yes.

Conductor:~solemly nods~ Very well. Your authority has been recognized. Please restate your question.

Mei: Right. What is it that you do? Why are you called ‘the Conductor’?

Conductor: I have been assigned to conduct observations and research in order to identify flaws within the design, structure, programming, and function of the planet and its inhabitants. It is also my duty to conduct traffic in and out of the neutral zone. I have been lead to understand that this second task provides me the human title of ‘doorman’ even though I am, in fact, a woman.

Mei: Yes, you are. So, regarding the first part of your task, would you say you’re like a scientist?

Conductor: That is a fair and accurate assessment of my function.

Mei: Way cool!

Conductor: How is that statement in any way indicative of excessive lower temperatures?

Mei: Oh, ‘way cool’? It means that is very interesting.

Conductor: I see. Thank you once again for your corrections, and for your evaluation of my statement.

Mei: You are quite welcome! Now, Conductor, what you have described to us today is absolutely fascinating, and rest assured we will pose more questions about that on future shows. But for now, let’s keep going with simple things. This is your first time with us after all.

Conductor: Aye. You may proceed.

Mei: Alright, next question: how long have you been on earth?

Conductor: In the human measurement of time I have been here for three years.

Mei: What do you enjoy most about earth?

Conductor: I enjoy Earth. She is a fantastic specimen, and the first of her kind. During my travels I have taken in her splendor and I can see why the Architects and Designers are so proud of their work. It is a simple planet by comparison to other planets and worlds I have visited, but she is the first planet to house and support humans in a neutral zone, and she has served her function well.

Mei: You refer to the planet as a female?

Conductor: Yes, I do. She is the first planet in our history that has developed its own sense of sentience, and she has even produced offspring as well.

Mei: Do you mean humans?

Conductor: No. My people crafted humans. She birthed an entirely new kind of being.

Mei: That is extraordinary, and again, we shall touch back up on that later since we are running out of time for this installment.

Conductor: Yes please. That topic is a bit of a hurting spot for me.

Mei: That’s perfect then. And now, onward! I’ve heard what you like about earth, but what about it- er, her, do you not like?

Conductor: As of yet I have found no part of earth that I would say I ‘dislike’. I am not here to provide opinionated feedback on Earth. I merely observe her people.

Mei: That’s good to hear. Now, our last couple of questions has been submitted by one of our wonderful viewers! He has chosen to remain anonymous, so we will just call him ‘A’. Question number one reads ‘Conductor, I love your hair color. Do you dye it’?

Conductor: ~curtly~ No. This is the body’s natural hair pigment. ~proudly puffs her chest and smiles~ I picked it out myself.

Mei: Really? You got to choose a body? Why this one?

Conductor: Because I have always used this vessel on missions, and I have always felt that suited me quite nicely. Plus, this body is marked with a lot of history and as such I now register the feeling of fondness towards it.

Mei: Aww, that is very sweet. Well, our final question for today, again from ‘A’ asks ‘Conductor, you are so well spoken and polite. Where did you learn manners from’?

Conductor: I read a manual.

Mei: Well, there you have it dear viewers! This concludes our first interview with the intriguing and wondrous Conductor here on ‘What’s On with Mei-Mei’.

Don’t you fret though, viewers. There will be plenty more to come. And to honor this occasion, we would like to offer a great opportunity for you, our readers and viewers, to ask your own questions about the Conductor.

What would you like to know? Is there anything you want her opinion on? What are some suggestions you have to help her learn more and fit into our little world? Leave a comment below or send a message if you want to remain anonymous and see your questions, comments, and suggestions featured on the next show!

Until next time, I remain your faithful host, Mei-Mei. See you soon~!