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This one is a bit shorter than expected, but it's long enough. Red Hypergiant is a bit closer to Science Fantasy than Fantasy, but I guess that's more just splitting hairs. There's really not too much to say about it. But I'll start from the top.
First, no sex. And odds are there will not be anything of the sort for this series (read it, and you'll know why). There are a few... Themes, I guess? Some 'Nudity-'
Can you even call it Nudity, Bartan?
...Maybe? I donno. Just saying, there's cat nipples in it if you think about there being cat... Nipples. Moving on! This series is something I half came up with looking at a few different things. One was the "Lyrics" to Red Hypergiant; a song from Architects, which is a quote from Carl Sagan:
"The old appeals to racial, sexual, and religious chauvinism, and to rabid nationalist fervor are beginning not to work. A new consciousness is developing which sees the Earth as a single organism, and recognizes that an organism at war with itself is doomed. We are one planet."
If I reveal anymore than that at the moment, and I think it'll spoil too much of the story. There's a few more sources that I would like to mention, but will probably do so on the next issue. For now, just let the quote and the song itself show you the mood of the story (don't worry, 100% clean).
The second song, however... It's about a 4/5 on the Harsh Vocals. If you feel you can tolerate it, try it. But it's the chorus that really shined through to me. Making me think of this setting and giving the same radiance of the main character. But I got a bit off topic.
I have hosted a few Pen & Paper RPG campaigns that were on the Sci-Fa or Cyberpunk line, but it's usually not one of my strong points. Though, hosting a game and writing a story are two different things, I hope I did better on the story. We'll see, and I'll let you be the judge.
Anyway, another new story arrives around the end of the month. I'll do what I can for October, but we're getting a Tropical Storm/hurricane (I think) in a day or two. Soooo... I'll do what I can! Enjoy everyone, I'm looking forward to getting wet.
Red Hypergiant © Architects
Edge of Black © Caliban
First, no sex. And odds are there will not be anything of the sort for this series (read it, and you'll know why). There are a few... Themes, I guess? Some 'Nudity-'
Can you even call it Nudity, Bartan?
...Maybe? I donno. Just saying, there's cat nipples in it if you think about there being cat... Nipples. Moving on! This series is something I half came up with looking at a few different things. One was the "Lyrics" to Red Hypergiant; a song from Architects, which is a quote from Carl Sagan:
"The old appeals to racial, sexual, and religious chauvinism, and to rabid nationalist fervor are beginning not to work. A new consciousness is developing which sees the Earth as a single organism, and recognizes that an organism at war with itself is doomed. We are one planet."
If I reveal anymore than that at the moment, and I think it'll spoil too much of the story. There's a few more sources that I would like to mention, but will probably do so on the next issue. For now, just let the quote and the song itself show you the mood of the story (don't worry, 100% clean).
The second song, however... It's about a 4/5 on the Harsh Vocals. If you feel you can tolerate it, try it. But it's the chorus that really shined through to me. Making me think of this setting and giving the same radiance of the main character. But I got a bit off topic.
I have hosted a few Pen & Paper RPG campaigns that were on the Sci-Fa or Cyberpunk line, but it's usually not one of my strong points. Though, hosting a game and writing a story are two different things, I hope I did better on the story. We'll see, and I'll let you be the judge.
Anyway, another new story arrives around the end of the month. I'll do what I can for October, but we're getting a Tropical Storm/hurricane (I think) in a day or two. Soooo... I'll do what I can! Enjoy everyone, I'm looking forward to getting wet.
Red Hypergiant © Architects
Edge of Black © Caliban
Category Story / Fantasy
Species Leopard
Size 50 x 50px
File Size 129.3 kB
Listed in Folders
Hey Bartan,
Hopefully everything is fine at your end, with that kind of weather I hope it did not give you too much trouble!
I liked how you build up the story. Thais did not seem to be a bit the 'bad' character, and the progressing made her more likable along the way. It is nice that she has Artheas most of the time alongside her, breaking the tension sometimes but serious when needed. And of course Revoros and Lexar helping her as much they can. Also I thought it was a bit sad how her cybernetic side seems to influence even her own instincts, and thus affecting her life when she needs to keep her head cool; and wounds making it only worse. The depth of these details makes your stories really great, really making everything again feel a bit more alive .
I really liked how you ended this part of your story; a rookie with bad/good luck arresting the main character on a unique way! I hope Raymond can help her a bit later on, as he seemed to feel a bit bad about making this arrest. I am afraid it will not be ending well for Thais if she stays in arrest too long, as it sounded she was treated as a living experiment. Also a bit curious how they tracked her down to that specific meeting.
That's a bit of my thoughts about it, I really like, again, where this is going; and hope to see more development (and hopefully with somewhat the same amount of action; which you wrote very well btw!).
And sorry for the very very late reply, took me more then a month this time.. but school kept me quite busy again. Now (finally!) I have some more time to read things and think a bit about them properly.
And best of luck with your writings, and hope everything is going well,
- Silent Moonlight Dragon
Hopefully everything is fine at your end, with that kind of weather I hope it did not give you too much trouble!
I liked how you build up the story. Thais did not seem to be a bit the 'bad' character, and the progressing made her more likable along the way. It is nice that she has Artheas most of the time alongside her, breaking the tension sometimes but serious when needed. And of course Revoros and Lexar helping her as much they can. Also I thought it was a bit sad how her cybernetic side seems to influence even her own instincts, and thus affecting her life when she needs to keep her head cool; and wounds making it only worse. The depth of these details makes your stories really great, really making everything again feel a bit more alive .
I really liked how you ended this part of your story; a rookie with bad/good luck arresting the main character on a unique way! I hope Raymond can help her a bit later on, as he seemed to feel a bit bad about making this arrest. I am afraid it will not be ending well for Thais if she stays in arrest too long, as it sounded she was treated as a living experiment. Also a bit curious how they tracked her down to that specific meeting.
That's a bit of my thoughts about it, I really like, again, where this is going; and hope to see more development (and hopefully with somewhat the same amount of action; which you wrote very well btw!).
And sorry for the very very late reply, took me more then a month this time.. but school kept me quite busy again. Now (finally!) I have some more time to read things and think a bit about them properly.
And best of luck with your writings, and hope everything is going well,
- Silent Moonlight Dragon
Hello again, Silent.
Your comment made my day today. Nothing terrible happened or anything, but it was just a nice highlight to hear from you. The storms we had were more just heavy rainfall, which didn't amount to much. That, and a little bit of wind. So nothing to worry about over here.
However, October was kind of another rough month for me. Along with the odd weather and illnesses that come around, I had a horrible toothache for nearly two weeks. I was fearing it was another abscess, but it eventually cleared up. Due to the pains it brought, however, I got rather behind on writing. So Destruction Preventer part 2 has been delayed quite a bit. I do have about 85% of it written, and just trying to get down where I want this section to end, but afterword... I might need a break. Possibly until the end of December (going to be busy for about two weeks towards the 18th).
So the next Act to Red Hypergiant might take a while to release. Though, unlike Destruction Preventer, I actually know where I'm going with RHG. I had most of it planned out before I started writing, so I might end up having it done at the middle of December. That being said, there will be something else I'm going to post at the beginning of Dec. It's only a short thing, 15-20 pages max, but it's something.
I'm very happy that you enjoyed this story so far though. As I mentioned before in the artists comments, this theme really isn't my forte. I tend to even get bored of it if I'm just watching a show that's quite cyberpunk/spacey. The only two that I really ended up enjoying were Firefly and Psycho-Pass. But I wanted to just give the theme another shot, especially when I was the one in control (of the story telling, I mean).
I'm really glad you liked Thais, because it means that I did a good job writing her character. I was afraid she might end up that Strong/Silent/Emotionless type, and almost come off as maybe a wall. And I really didn't want that, I wanted the reader to know that she did go through hardships through her life (Act 2), but still show that she is a person. Regardless of the fact that she's slowly turning into a cybernetic being, she's still... "Humane" for lack of a better word.
Alright, I should get back to finishing up DP act 2. But it was wonderful to hear from you once again, Silent. Things are getting better here, and I hope they will go very well for you as well these next few months. Feel free to read up on DitD 10, if you need something else to read in the meantime.
Much
~Bartan
Your comment made my day today. Nothing terrible happened or anything, but it was just a nice highlight to hear from you. The storms we had were more just heavy rainfall, which didn't amount to much. That, and a little bit of wind. So nothing to worry about over here.
However, October was kind of another rough month for me. Along with the odd weather and illnesses that come around, I had a horrible toothache for nearly two weeks. I was fearing it was another abscess, but it eventually cleared up. Due to the pains it brought, however, I got rather behind on writing. So Destruction Preventer part 2 has been delayed quite a bit. I do have about 85% of it written, and just trying to get down where I want this section to end, but afterword... I might need a break. Possibly until the end of December (going to be busy for about two weeks towards the 18th).
So the next Act to Red Hypergiant might take a while to release. Though, unlike Destruction Preventer, I actually know where I'm going with RHG. I had most of it planned out before I started writing, so I might end up having it done at the middle of December. That being said, there will be something else I'm going to post at the beginning of Dec. It's only a short thing, 15-20 pages max, but it's something.
I'm very happy that you enjoyed this story so far though. As I mentioned before in the artists comments, this theme really isn't my forte. I tend to even get bored of it if I'm just watching a show that's quite cyberpunk/spacey. The only two that I really ended up enjoying were Firefly and Psycho-Pass. But I wanted to just give the theme another shot, especially when I was the one in control (of the story telling, I mean).
I'm really glad you liked Thais, because it means that I did a good job writing her character. I was afraid she might end up that Strong/Silent/Emotionless type, and almost come off as maybe a wall. And I really didn't want that, I wanted the reader to know that she did go through hardships through her life (Act 2), but still show that she is a person. Regardless of the fact that she's slowly turning into a cybernetic being, she's still... "Humane" for lack of a better word.
Alright, I should get back to finishing up DP act 2. But it was wonderful to hear from you once again, Silent. Things are getting better here, and I hope they will go very well for you as well these next few months. Feel free to read up on DitD 10, if you need something else to read in the meantime.
Much
~Bartan
Hey Bartan,
Thanks for the quick reply, and I am glad to hear that the storm was luckily nothing terrible.
I also hope the tootaches stay away, and do not worry about delayed writing. I am glad if you post something now and then and you are being confident/satisfied with the results then that it becomes a burden to get done.
I am glad to hear another chapter is on its way, hopefully I still have some reasonable amount of free time then. And I thought you presented the theme well, I do not really know Firefly, but maybe if you would like some more inspiration the game Deus Ex: Human revolution has also quite some nice and cruel cyber punk society elements (such as the suffering of people which cybernetic augmentations (?) can not pay for the medicine so the body does not repel their e.g. cybernetic arm. However it is been a while I played the game, so I can be a bit off with some elements.). And thats a bit of my knowledge about it I am afraid.. But again, the theme was well presented here!
Ha, take your time and do not feel pressured to finish anything in the time span you mentioned, being a bit or way to late is not the worst thing what could happen!
And thank you very much, good luck with all!
- Silent Moonlight Dragon
Thanks for the quick reply, and I am glad to hear that the storm was luckily nothing terrible.
I also hope the tootaches stay away, and do not worry about delayed writing. I am glad if you post something now and then and you are being confident/satisfied with the results then that it becomes a burden to get done.
I am glad to hear another chapter is on its way, hopefully I still have some reasonable amount of free time then. And I thought you presented the theme well, I do not really know Firefly, but maybe if you would like some more inspiration the game Deus Ex: Human revolution has also quite some nice and cruel cyber punk society elements (such as the suffering of people which cybernetic augmentations (?) can not pay for the medicine so the body does not repel their e.g. cybernetic arm. However it is been a while I played the game, so I can be a bit off with some elements.). And thats a bit of my knowledge about it I am afraid.. But again, the theme was well presented here!
Ha, take your time and do not feel pressured to finish anything in the time span you mentioned, being a bit or way to late is not the worst thing what could happen!
And thank you very much, good luck with all!
- Silent Moonlight Dragon
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