it's as if your hostility increases as your life falls even further down and everything you do is all about how much you could have done it better

if you are reading this and are plagued by crushing, unexplainable health problems, or doing any thinking is incredibly difficult (and is perhaps becoming increasingly difficult), look into mercury poisoning
do not take your doctor's word when they say that mercury poisoning is uncommon; they very commonly lack the understanding of how to test for mercury, and do not recognize the symptoms
the first paragraph in regards to this subject (above) applies especially if you have had or currently have any silver fillings, as roughly 50% of the average silver filling's composition is elemental mercury; there are no silver fillings that do not contain mercury.
you will be in disbelief at how such minute quantities of something could inflict so much misery and suffering, halting your ability to function for an indefinite period of time until you remove the source of mercury exposure, the accumulated mercury that the source has left behind, and work to repair the damage done by it
it is also widely suspected and evident that excess quantities of aluminium in the body could inflict similar symptoms in regards to the brain, and magnify the effects of mercury greatly
if you have lived through a great amount of immense physical and mental suffering (such as chronic headaches, bowel disorders, breathing issues (especially since childhood), joint stiffness (especially in the neck), numbness/coldness of the hands and feet, low or high blood pressure, and vision problems, to name a few issues) with hardly any relief or apparent cause, keep this information in mind
your family might think that you're lazy, and your impaired ability to do things successfully and complete tasks quickly could cause you to think that you are supposed to be as messed up as they think that you are
but you're not
try to remember that there is no such thing as "unrepairable" damage
don't kill yourself; you have invaluable experience in suffering that anyone who hasn't been affected by mercury poisoning simply cannot comprehend. get better, and be part of those who are through with suffering and are working to dismantle the outdated mechanisms that were seemingly crafted without concern or affection for mankind that allows for this revolting illness to affect and debilitate new generations of people.

sorry for propagating my understandings
everything is so sad
i can hardly even appreciate art any more

"the dust blows forward 'n' the dust blows back" is performed by captain beefheart and his magic band, from their 1969 album "trout mask replica"
always thought it was a beautiful lyric