I started working on this a few days ago, but put off working on it thanks to a lack of motivation and some plans my family and i had. For the past month or so, its been so hard on me. Ive been so emotionally drained and so unstable. I lost my methods of coping with my depression and anxiety. I havent been able to draw when i need to or sing and listen to music. Only recently did i get some music back, and its been helpful, but it still isnt enough, sadly. I need to be able to draw when i need to, i have no other way of coping. Ive tried other peoples methods, but they dont work for me. I've been doing the same stuff for five years, and its helped and kept me sane all that time. All of this is due to no longer having a computer. You never realize how much you need something until its gone for good. I keep being told to wait, just a little longer. Well, i cant, as much as id love to. It's soon going to be three months without one and its slowly driving me over the edge.

Part two to that, is i keep being made fun of, for the stupidest shit! Whether its about my weight or the fact that i fell for someone on the other side of the damn country, people just keep poking! Nothing was ever planned, didnt want anything to happen, but it did, and i accept that. I'm fairly happy with either of those facts. But if thats all you hear, non-stop, its hard to get it out of your head and it hurts, alot more then i could ever show. Then, going three weeks of not being able to talk to my fox, my god. You dont realize how much you really want someone in your life til they disappear for long periods of time. I had the support of my friends, who tried their best to make me happy or see the brighter side of things, but it was hard. Talk to someone everyday for nearly three years and then stop abruptly, i can garentee you, you'll miss the living fuck out of them. And i did, a whole hell of a lot. Didnt like not being able to see him, to hear his voice. Hate to admit it tore me apart as much as it did, but hey, everyone gets vulnerable at times.

Last night, finally being able to talk to him, and see him, was like the best day ever. What an immense pleasure that was, i cant even begin to describe how amazing it felt. Definitely feel a million times better now. We talked for nearly eight hours XD Hoping he doesnt disappear again for so long, just got his fluffy self back >.<