Living a life should not be full of hate and cry
When you’ve lived your life hiding in the shadows behind another
The being pushing her way above you to make you feel so beneath them

Every day felt a lie
When all wanted to do was cry
And burrow deep into the shadows I was meant to stay
Because another being was in the way
From gaining my way of life of how wanted to be so long ago

But hiding away in a locked cage
It felt like a prison just being in rage
I tried to be freed and live again
But was shunned away those who thought who have freed

I’ve tried to believe
Life was free
But knowing deep inside
It’s a penalty

I wanted to just swallow it whole
And let it slide
But deep inside
I knew I was living a lie

There should be no penalty for being your self
For what you are meant to be against the world of zombies
Breaking free away from the chains of defeat
Is all wanted to do
To be free

Life was a lie for a good 25 years
Here alone in a house
Living with people who only made your life hell

Thinking it was still okay to buy you things just for the sake of love
But they didn’t realize that money doesn’t buy you happiness
However, loving your family as it should have been
Would have been glorious enough…

The things that I thought I took for granted
Was something I thought I was always beating myself to death on the inside
Fighting on the inside
Knowing I should of rebelled
Long ago…

Being ill minded and lost in the conscious for what felt like a century
Is something never thought would of happened
But after coming out of it
I’ve noticed everything have been through
Was a distraction all along for them to shun me away from the real world

However, I needed to see
What life is really meant to be
They hid me away from all its hidden mysteries
Just to keep the mind at bay
As the world was in whined with decay

I wanted to know what it felt to be real
Not a fictional being from a story book
I’m not someone that should be able to love all
Especially when a lot have done me wrong

I’ve wanted to learn everything I could
While I still had a childhood
I’ve never experienced what it felt like to have more than 1 emotion
But to feel complied to have more than 3
Especially the feeling of joy

They have said joy is the emotion a young child would have
However, that would explain that childhood was never achieved
Because I’ve never experienced what real joy was
Until I was un-medicated and set free
From a facility that kept me at bay

Years of torment
Just to feel defeat
I’m not a being that would enjoy such a treasure
But more dominate it
By striving to be unlocked and feeling

My mind is still being awaken
24 ½ years of solid confinement
And finally set free
Of the summer of twenty fifteen

The energy I’ve felt
Is starting to rise
From the ashes of my fallen old body
Decayed for centuries

Yet feeling it shouldn’t be this way
I could have had the childhood I’ve dreamt of
When I was a baby

But the childhood I’ve only had
Was the feeling of being beaten and ripped away…
And locked in a room
Full of decay

The harsh storm is looking more like it’ll subside
As I hope for my heart sake
As I’ve witnessed it closing and becoming a stone
While I’m unsure of myself
Because being cold in the heart
And closed in the mind

Has started to make me realize
That the people who have pointed the fingers
And called me names
And thrown me down
With whatever they say

It is not true
Of what I’ve been told
The people I’ve been around
In real life so far
Only a few have ever told me
“Never to give up”

When others have tried to make me see
That giving up is true in its own words
Because life is a mystery
And you must never know the meaning

The feeling of finally being cold on the inside
Is not that I’m closing off from the world
I’m only closing off to feel my wounds healing on its own
When it should have been done in the first place

The feeling of being cold
Doesn’t mean you’re heart is black
It just means you’ve been hurt for so long
You’re feeling it is time to just
Work on trust
On the inside of your heart
And follow a new path
To understand

Why you’ve felt so betrayed
And beaten
And scared for so long
But the more you come to realize
The more it starts to make sense

Push the toxic out of your body
Believe you’re better
Than the people that caused
Such toxic in your life
You’ve crumbled against the world

Because you couldn’t handle the thought
That your life was so meaning less

But these people lied to you
Once you’ve heard the truth from the real truth seekers
Life is not meant to be full of pain and sorrow
It’s meant to have a closing
And a new beginning

You’re only human
If you believe you are
Don’t follow those that know you’re beneath them
Because the truth is staring you in the face
You’re better than them
You’re better than toxic

And you deserve so much better
Than what your life has been

My heart is only cold
And my mind is closed
Only as I heal my wounds
Of 25 long years

Due to I don’t want to seek pity
Nor do I want to make people feel awful
I want to learn that toxic
Can even effect how you treat people

When your heart is full of toxic because of how your life has become
It’s best to close up
And start to understand
Through meditation
And channeling your emotions
To become something greater
Than a whirl wind of group conflict

Then you end up stressed out
To the point you can’t heal
It’s best to realize
When you need to kneel

The rain will cool your broken heart
The ice will work its way through the bridges of the holes left by others
And your mind will start to channel

I’m not one for conflict
And never was meant to cause one
I’m only trying to heal
As I gain control of things in my life
So as I lay here

If I’ve caused such pain
Just realize
It’s not you
It’s the toxic inside of me
Calling out

My mind needs rest
And my heart needs to heal
The only way to do so
Is to close down
And start to disappear