I usually don't drink. Only had two drinks Friday night. But I was unbelievably drunk. I got sick, and then I went to bed. When I woke up somebody had taken my clothes off.

I just wonder why. I just want to die. Sometimes, when I can't cry, I get lost in an uncontrollable gaze into eternity. I think it makes me happy, somehow. Maybe it's satisfaction... forever will always be there. I love... forever.

I wish I didn't have to live a nightmare every day. I wish I could make people understand. I wish people wanted to know. I wish people cared. I wish I was alive inside. I wish the darkness would just go away. I wish I didn't want to cry anymore, I wish I didn't feel alienated and alone. I wish I could just feel like the people around me, just once, any of them as long as they weren't me.

I'm so sick inside.