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More from Yawar
*Finally* will start posting my long-running Morenatsu fanfic, "The last year".
So... well, it's an AU. Let's say the same cast, but this time we follow them for a whole school year instead of just the summer break. Also, some of their ages and relationships are slightly different.
...oh, yeah, and there is one thing here that most definitely wasn't in the original VN.
You'll see.
Well, hope you enjoy this!
So... well, it's an AU. Let's say the same cast, but this time we follow them for a whole school year instead of just the summer break. Also, some of their ages and relationships are slightly different.
...oh, yeah, and there is one thing here that most definitely wasn't in the original VN.
You'll see.
Well, hope you enjoy this!
Category Story / All
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 120 x 90px
File Size 67.2 kB
You are doing a really great job with this, you captured the cast of Morenatsu really accurately and your descriptive writing flows really nicely. A whole year seemed overly ambitious at first but after reading this I can see your dedication to this project and doing it as well as you possibly can.
Sorry this is going to be long, and nowhere near as well presented as this and I tried to be vague about spoilers but seriously if someone is reading this before the chapter, the chapter is really good, read that instead of my rambling
At first it confused me that the main character went by the name Hiroki Nakashima instead of Hiroyuki Nishimura but as the chapter went on I understood why, you have taken Hiroyuki, a blank slate for the reader of Morenatsu to see themselves in and replaced him with Hiroki, who has a nice sense of humour and generally an entertaining, unflappable personality that got some good laughs from me.
Hiroki almost leans on being too perfect at first glance but so far hasn't fallen into that trap just yet, showing physical prowess and being lucky with a maths question isn't enough, and his unflappable nature seems to come from dealing with work that puts high school stuff in proportion
Generally Hiroki is so far an enjoyable character to watch, like the scene with the main 9 notice him while they are walking was fantastic, Hiroki commands the situation of being noticed by Juuichi and we get another hint to the past with Kouya, Hiroki seems to find him familiar, just like Torahiko did to Hiroki before.
I want to guess Hiroki, Torahiko and Kouya had some form of connection 4 years ago, back when Hiroki called the mayor "Shiguri-sensei" and assumingly learned what he needed to for his work from Shiguri.
But the way Torahiko describes the way he felt earlier in the chapter hinted to a memory wipe of a friend, which if anything leaves me wondering if the person Tora is thinking about is really Hiroki, or a 7th wonder who shares his last name, I guess considering the AU this story is set in It’s quite possible that we will see the person everyone know, and yet no one remembers in the future
I really liked the promise Kounosuke got the gang to make, it was a bit on the nose but it shows you got what Morenatsu was all about so it gives me hope that you can carry the themes of the game as well as the characters into this story while still making it your own to an extent
wow, this comment kinda turned into talking about Hiroki mostly… well I guess he is the new character, I will have time to talk about other characters in future chapters, for now I will take chapter 1 as a solid into to the story and the AU as well as the introduction of Hiroki
The last thing I have to add is as I said before with the 7th wonder comment, this AU opens up interesting doors for the story, I look forward to reading more.
so far I do have one prediction for the future, the one who has an idea of there potential is either Shun or Juuichi, due to there respoce to the situation at the tree, I feel Shun is more likely though because of his family history where Juuichi is just confident in his physical ablities
Sorry this is going to be long, and nowhere near as well presented as this and I tried to be vague about spoilers but seriously if someone is reading this before the chapter, the chapter is really good, read that instead of my rambling
At first it confused me that the main character went by the name Hiroki Nakashima instead of Hiroyuki Nishimura but as the chapter went on I understood why, you have taken Hiroyuki, a blank slate for the reader of Morenatsu to see themselves in and replaced him with Hiroki, who has a nice sense of humour and generally an entertaining, unflappable personality that got some good laughs from me.
Hiroki almost leans on being too perfect at first glance but so far hasn't fallen into that trap just yet, showing physical prowess and being lucky with a maths question isn't enough, and his unflappable nature seems to come from dealing with work that puts high school stuff in proportion
Generally Hiroki is so far an enjoyable character to watch, like the scene with the main 9 notice him while they are walking was fantastic, Hiroki commands the situation of being noticed by Juuichi and we get another hint to the past with Kouya, Hiroki seems to find him familiar, just like Torahiko did to Hiroki before.
I want to guess Hiroki, Torahiko and Kouya had some form of connection 4 years ago, back when Hiroki called the mayor "Shiguri-sensei" and assumingly learned what he needed to for his work from Shiguri.
But the way Torahiko describes the way he felt earlier in the chapter hinted to a memory wipe of a friend, which if anything leaves me wondering if the person Tora is thinking about is really Hiroki, or a 7th wonder who shares his last name, I guess considering the AU this story is set in It’s quite possible that we will see the person everyone know, and yet no one remembers in the future
I really liked the promise Kounosuke got the gang to make, it was a bit on the nose but it shows you got what Morenatsu was all about so it gives me hope that you can carry the themes of the game as well as the characters into this story while still making it your own to an extent
wow, this comment kinda turned into talking about Hiroki mostly… well I guess he is the new character, I will have time to talk about other characters in future chapters, for now I will take chapter 1 as a solid into to the story and the AU as well as the introduction of Hiroki
The last thing I have to add is as I said before with the 7th wonder comment, this AU opens up interesting doors for the story, I look forward to reading more.
so far I do have one prediction for the future, the one who has an idea of there potential is either Shun or Juuichi, due to there respoce to the situation at the tree, I feel Shun is more likely though because of his family history where Juuichi is just confident in his physical ablities
First: Thank you very, VERY much for your comment, I'm glad you're enjoying this so far and that you're taking the time to write down your thoughts in such detail.
Your questions... well, I see you also left a comment in the next chapter, so I'll simply say that your guesses will be either confirmed or not in following chapters.
One thing I can confirm right about is: yes, one character you alluded to will eventually appear in this fanfic.
Your questions... well, I see you also left a comment in the next chapter, so I'll simply say that your guesses will be either confirmed or not in following chapters.
One thing I can confirm right about is: yes, one character you alluded to will eventually appear in this fanfic.
(Sorry messed up the actually replying to you thing first try, but I think I got it this time!)
Yay! The Wonder is one of my favourite characters! My favourite being Juuichi, He was my first route and his story really got to me more then most of the other routes, Shin is up there too, but that's because I relate to Shin more than the rest of the cast (who knows I could really relate to Soutarou or Kyouji when there route come out and they get fleshed out more) anyway I am really looking forward to the future chapters, I read "Guy Friday" last night and I will get to writing my comment soonish, I am trying to write the comment before moving on to the next so my speculation and such isn't using information from chapters ahead of what I am commenting on.
There are all sorta of other bits and pieces you could use too, like in Koyua's route the day you learn about Koyua's luck with rock paper scissors and he gives out the tickets shop keeper tells a ghost story too about that poor kid who would always ask "can I take that?" I would go on but odds are you remember it or can find it better than I can retell it.
Yay! The Wonder is one of my favourite characters! My favourite being Juuichi, He was my first route and his story really got to me more then most of the other routes, Shin is up there too, but that's because I relate to Shin more than the rest of the cast (who knows I could really relate to Soutarou or Kyouji when there route come out and they get fleshed out more) anyway I am really looking forward to the future chapters, I read "Guy Friday" last night and I will get to writing my comment soonish, I am trying to write the comment before moving on to the next so my speculation and such isn't using information from chapters ahead of what I am commenting on.
There are all sorta of other bits and pieces you could use too, like in Koyua's route the day you learn about Koyua's luck with rock paper scissors and he gives out the tickets shop keeper tells a ghost story too about that poor kid who would always ask "can I take that?" I would go on but odds are you remember it or can find it better than I can retell it.
Wow. This was LOOOOOOOOOOONG. It's not exactly fun for me to read on a website like this because of the layout, but I enjoyed it as much as possible. Beware, spoilers for those who didn't read this chapter.
I was very intrigued by Hiroki(Naomi, lol) Nakashima's characterization. I definitely thought something was going on with him at the beginning of the story. I was mildly surprised to learn that he is of Spanish descent, but it puts a lot more variety in the cast.
Kyouji staring at Hiroki's scars was what made me want to call out his "occupation". Turns out I was nearly right. I was guessing "warrior" and it was close enough. Although, it immediately reminded me of one of Tatsuki's alternate endings.
Also Hiroki, you slightly shameless flirt! Still, better than nothing, and we were all thirsty for a Torahiko route and, as of now, fanfics are the closest thing to it. And now I can't wait for them to start making out. Dammit, brain.
Overall, your writing was really great and aside from not characterizing Shun properly at times, I'd say you could rival the writers of Morenatsu themselves. Of course, it's probably an optimistic review but I'm as honest as possible. Keep up the amazing work.
I was very intrigued by Hiroki(Naomi, lol) Nakashima's characterization. I definitely thought something was going on with him at the beginning of the story. I was mildly surprised to learn that he is of Spanish descent, but it puts a lot more variety in the cast.
Kyouji staring at Hiroki's scars was what made me want to call out his "occupation". Turns out I was nearly right. I was guessing "warrior" and it was close enough. Although, it immediately reminded me of one of Tatsuki's alternate endings.
Also Hiroki, you slightly shameless flirt! Still, better than nothing, and we were all thirsty for a Torahiko route and, as of now, fanfics are the closest thing to it. And now I can't wait for them to start making out. Dammit, brain.
Overall, your writing was really great and aside from not characterizing Shun properly at times, I'd say you could rival the writers of Morenatsu themselves. Of course, it's probably an optimistic review but I'm as honest as possible. Keep up the amazing work.
Thanks for reading and commenting!
Yeah, I think this was overall one of the longest chapters, because it's the one where I set up in what ways this is different from the original VN.
About the layout, I also posted this fanfic on my Tumblr blog, perhaps you might find that format easier to read?
It's here: http://yawar-fiesta.tumblr.com/morenatsu-fanfic
Glad you're liking my stand-in for Hiroyuki, too, and I hope you enjoy the following chapters as well.
Now, as for Shun... Oh, in the part where the monster shows up, I intended to write everybody as they would react to that based on their original personalities *except* Shun, due to plot reasons.
Yeah, I think this was overall one of the longest chapters, because it's the one where I set up in what ways this is different from the original VN.
About the layout, I also posted this fanfic on my Tumblr blog, perhaps you might find that format easier to read?
It's here: http://yawar-fiesta.tumblr.com/morenatsu-fanfic
Glad you're liking my stand-in for Hiroyuki, too, and I hope you enjoy the following chapters as well.
Now, as for Shun... Oh, in the part where the monster shows up, I intended to write everybody as they would react to that based on their original personalities *except* Shun, due to plot reasons.
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