this is my character, crash. He's kinda me in every way, but a little sadder and more emo maybe. Who knows. I'd love to be an otter though. Or an anthro otter even. I did this mostly as a ref sheet, but I kinda like how its almost a poster feel. Its way darker on this monitor than when I was workin on it, hmm. Maybe its fine for you. The name and character are from way back, he shows up all over my notebooks and gallery. He even dates back to this piece http://arracraidira.deviantart.com/.....LIVES-10681563 which is a reference to a character I played on the Jennifer Government: Nationstates forums, where I eventually became a governor for central oregon.

Crash was a character I'd allready created as a silver-furred grey wolf on Furcadia, but turned into a holographic database avatar character on Nationstates. That Crash only existed as a hologram, but I wrote him with enough life and joy he was alive and real. He seemed to know his own fragile mortality though, over his chest glowed a blue screen of death, like a heartbeat. That motif has stuck with the character ever since. When we rp'ed a massive war that eventually brought our virtual worlds to its knees, he was lost and killed as the program was destroyed. Later, friend sent me an email, and he wrote it as if he had saved the file with crash on it. t was the single greatest gesture Ive ever been given, that of saving a created character from death. You can read more on that link above, including how he wrote it.

Sometime later I realized the closest species to my personality and my heart were otters- when I got kicked out of my house I saw otters on teh river, and where I moved to has them as well. I remember seeing them as a kid too, behind my house- they just always seem to be around, and completely unable to be kept down by life. They seem to be irrevocably full of joy and energy, and maybe its recognizing something I need in taking them as my character. I take this sadness inside and say no, I am determined to be happy, to have joy, to be playful and creative and that this spirit inside will not be brought down by anything. I guess thats teh best I can explain. And they are the cutest animal I know, too :3

When I created an otter character on SecondLife, one of the available last names was Surface, and that had an almost lyrical quality to it, in the story it told. Crashheart Surface- its as if it speaks of coming to the surface, of fighting against drowning, everything. That thats the surface I'm fighting against and trying to overcome. Its very much a name an otter would have, but its more too. I like it. It makes sense. But crash is easy for short. Thats almost a reference and a joke in itself. Crash is the name I play halo as, and I like it because the only way I can hold my own in halo is by gettin a hold of one of the little covenant ghosts and runnin over people. Otherwise Im target practice. So its a fitting name for me in the game. But also, maybe in my head its also makin fun of myself, and a finger on the quiet shame I have for still not having my license to drive, at almost 25. I've never had a car of my own, and I know I need to drive, heck the bus system sucks but I make it work for me after my scooter died on me, but ya. Im ashamed of not having after all this time. I'd like to change it but I have no will to, and it would take alot of hoops to get a car to use and relearn the permit thing again and ya, I suck. Really, terribly bad. So thats my quiet shame.

If any of you wondered about the name, I guess I told you too much. But thats me, and teh character, and the name. The whole story.