Was talking to a friend about music and how he’s teaching music like Zun would do. At first my heart melted on how an actual instructor would do it, but it quickly sank realizing that I would never achieve the goal I’ve set for myself, where my friend had already achieved ahead of time. It doesn’t help more that all my classmates and friends from high school have graduated earlier this year, if only I would have taken music then, I would have gracefully marched with them.

The only problem I have is sight reading. I can read music, but not as fast as others. It’s like reading in another language system you’re trying to learn but never have progressed too far. You know everything, all the meanings of symbols, knowing the speech stresses and intonations, the grammar and pronounciations, it’s just that you’re so damn slow at picking up because you’re stuck at being too overwhelmed. You’re too confused what comes next. Suddenly, you lose all what you learned and all you see is gibberish.

I would never become how I written Zun, and I would think Zun wouldn’t want to become like what I am now. Although he would go his way and teach me himself (but of course he isn’t real how can that happen), but put that aside, I’m just stuck.