“Smile” “ Sit up straight don’t slouch” “ Keep your head up don’t look down it makes you look inferior” “ Dress for the occasion.” “ Poor planning prevents poor performance” “ Why don’t you give them a second chance” “ Why don’t you try to reach out to them” “ That’s not how I raised you.” “Are you listening?” “ I’m disappointed in you.” “ Why can’t you be like your sister?” “ You are just like your mother.” “ Why can’t you just be adult for once? “ Why is it so hard for you to just agree with me?” “ Why don’t you just shut the hell up?” “ Just be the bigger person and let it go” “ Get that frown off your face” “ Why is it so hard for you to get a higher grade?” “Why don’t you get a real job?” “ You need to go out and make real friends” “ You are not going to amount to anything if you continue this path”

Why can’t I be me? For once, why can’t I just make the decision? I am me. Just let me free. I’m sitting here screaming internally. I don’t want to be you, I want to be me. You sound like a broken record over and over again. Why is it up to me to be the bigger person? Why is it up to me to reach out? Why the fuck do I always have to close my eyes and be the puppet for your amusement? It feels like I can’t breathe, you don’t even understand what you’re doing to me. You think that you are helping, that you are giving me “advice” but in reality it feels like you have your hand around my throat. For once can I just scream? I am a human not a product of your desire. I feel like I’m in a fog at most times, in my own illusion which I am not even sure what’s real and what’s fake. I feel numb, I bite my lower lip, I cry to see if I’m even really alive. Yes I am foolish, idiotic at times, I make poor choices. However, let me learn from these choices let me fuck up; get a slap on the wrist. I may do stupid things but when I’m me I feel like I’m actually living. It sounds stupid because I know I have fucked up and I know I have been in the wrong at times. However I am enjoying myself. As much as I would like to be you, with my eyes closed working at a 8- 5 job coming home to do more work than cleaning. How the hell is that living? Yes you’re making money and yes you’re able to buy your fancy things, remodel your house, and eat all this expensive food. But are you really living? You give me advice but you don’t even know your kids. You have fucked up every relationship you have been with. You’re secluding yourself, and you want your children to be “successful”. To be married have kids and have an 8-5 job just like you. I know you have worked your ass off to be how you are today. But what if I don’t want to be just like you? What if I just want to travel, or to make video games? Be a voice actor? Sing? Write? Draw? Dance? Travel with a band? I don’t want to live in a box, and close my eyes to the world. Yes I do realize that money pays for things but I want to live.. I really do.. I am sorry that all I have become is be a walking disappointment. I am sorry that I have no idea how to run a business or file paper work. I am sorry that I don’t dress in fancy dresses or wear make-up. I am sorry that I am not who you want me to be. I know I argue with you and I am not up to par with how you wish for me to be. But I am not you. I am just me. And being me is what sets me free..

So for once in your life make the right choice and just let me .. free..