awh bb...

This. I know how this is... Becasue I spend my days crying over what I have lost, and may never get back. I'm turning 30, and I'll never be able to hold job due to my pains. It hurts.... And you feel like such a burden to the world sometimes.... *gets called that behind his back but hears it almost daily by his roommates*

 chronicallyillfurs

funny you mention them...i watched them like a few days ago

*nods* I'm part of them too. I wasn't sure if you knew about them. They seem to be new.

But you have my sympathy. I can barely walk myself but I don't need aid... yet...

every year i get worse, and i need more help doing things and i loose more dignity and independence..

I again can feel for you. I have a combination of Neuropathy, and Mortians Neroma. I'm in 6 to 7 pains at all times, and then when I walk or do anything with my feet... Or expose them to heat.... They shoot up to 9 and 10 pains. I'm always on pain killers. Without them... I'd always be in the 9/10 range... Always. I spent 3 months without them earlier this year, and it was the worst 3 months my life. During the summer I can't leave my room casue the floor is too hot. OR if I drive for more then a few minutes.... I'll come home and my feet are a bright blood red as the blood is boiling under the surface of the skin, and trying to seep out casue of teh swelling. *Sighs* And Both are Degenerative. So it will only get worse. Eventually I may have to face amputation in both legs...

Wow, that's quite an intense dream... :/
People showing no understanding at all for any Kind of Problem should live with them for a day or two.

I know.. I know nothing of what you feel every day, but I do hope I could help with nearly every fiber of my being :/ If you are ever in oregon for something, scream and i'll see if I can find you cheap but nice hotels and food, aye? I even know a decent cheap sushi place!

I know it isn't much, but I do hope you somehow get better...

I am so sorry. is it from a sickness? or were you born this way? or some accident? I just want to understand abit more. I am sorry either way that you suffer. :<

back in 2007 i was in a 5 car accident, i had an almost head on collision with a moving truck...

I can honestly say I know this feeling. I have a degrading condition that goes for my nerves, muscles and joints; some days are blindingly painful and walking un-aided is at times impossible.

Never ceases to amaze me how heartless and insensitive people can be towards the injured and the sick.

-hugs tightly- I'm sorry honey, I use to be almost the same way in a wheel chair most time when left my house. I could barely walk to the bathroom across the hall, but I got somewhat better because of a bran surgery. I came down with dystonia when I was 7 years old, but I could walk somewhat back then and was to afraid of everyone to lash out when they made stuff my fault, so I know how you feel, because of me my family had to move from a 3 story house in NC to a really bad house in FL. I still cry often over how many lives I feel inside like I've ruined and my own future that I may never have, I'm just sorry others have to feel this kind of pain.

...I'd chase the bastard for you to get your crutch back. That's bloody unacceptable! >:(
It still shocks there are people like that who think they can judge others. Disgusting.
I'm so sorry you had nightmares like that, Kap. :( .....*hugs tightly*......

When it comes to physical injury i dont have a clue of what you're going through but i no vivid dreams and i can feel your pain with those :( im so sorry sweetie

Oh wow. This one is powerful and painfully relateable.
Kinda made me feel a little mad too. Wanted to slap that dochebag who took away the crutch. >_>*

Hope you are allright either way.

First off, fuck that guy that did that to you first off.
Secondly *holds you up on his back* c'mon, lets get you home. As much as I know you feel about this, there is going to be those people that just don't care. Hell, there may even be that one extremely rare person that'll bite your head off with the shit they've been through. Sot it would be best if we got you home and soon yes?

...I don't even know what to say. 8|

It's worse when you have a chronic condition but you look otherwise completely normal..

yeah, then they assume your lying or "melodramatic"..

Yup, on my bad days the pain in my sinuses is like a pressure against my brain.
I can hardly concentrate and I have to admit I have driven in that condition and while i know how to handle myself when I am like that I wish I did not have to put myself their.
Least of which because I know I am a danger on the road in that condition but when it's the only way to get home from work when I had work.

my anxiety makes me somewhat dangerous on the road. im OKAY under normal circumstances, but the second someone swerves to close to me, or brakes too hard, or honks, or say they just cross in front of me i freak out and will panic and am not a safe driver. one time i was at a 4 way cross and the dude was to my right and passing my nose to drive down the road i came from and his truck got REAL close to my nose and i freaked out and drove through the intersection out of turn so i could pull into a parking lot really fast, park, and break down in tears.

people underestimate now bad my car accident scarred me.

its even worse when people think its their job to help me "face my fears" and intentionally do the things that scare me. telling me ill never get over it if i dont.
so i become a sobbing hyperventilating mess and i never get in the car with them again

Yea forcing someone with obvious PSTD to face the same thing that caused it is not very good for that person's mental health.
While i am under no illusions that what i suffer from is anywhere near as bad as what you do, I still suffer and i can sympathise with what you're going through.

It is good I read the journal saying not to hug you... because any other time I'd be doing that in response. I've loved your comics and artwork, but don't usually peruse through journals. I came to understand some time ago that not everything we're told or read is exactly true and some use it to exploit others so I decided to focus on the art instead. However, I find it easy to believe your case. Especially the heartfelt reaction at the last panel of this one.

There are new advances in medicine often, and some may come to help you. Perhaps that life you envisioned for yourself is not gone forever. But I'm sure you've heard that before plenty of times, and I doubt it helps in the here and now. I'm not rich, I don't have money to donate or buy commissions, but I would say you deserve the support. Maybe a little advertising of your publicly available works to draw some attention will draw someone in whom does have this to spare.

I do, however, sincerely hope that things get better for you. That said... You are not a burden. You have no reason to be guilty, and you are not at fault. A lot of people are cruel to handicapped and suffering, they deserve a Nice hard steel-toe boot to the ass, and you deserve better. Again, I'm sure you've heard that before, and it may not help, but anyone with some basic decency should agree.

*wraps you in lots of soft blankets instead, since I can't hug!*

Dang, this made me cry a bit...*hugs you* I know I'll probably sound like a broken record compared to everyone else, but just try to stay positive. I know it must be hard, but worrying about it so much that you have dreams like this won't help anything. Yes you're crippled, but you're still alive. You can still be around the people you love and who love you in return. You can still play with your pets, draw, go to cons and the like. Even if there are things you can't do now, you just gotta hope that it won't be for forever. Even if everything turns out for the worse, you need to never let these emotions consume you. Be the strong person that you are. I'm pretty sure lesser people would have done something they'd regret at this point, but you are still hanging on to life. I don't like seeing anyone in pain, physically or mentally, it just breaks my heart. Screw the people in your dream who were dicks, they aren't even real, they don't matter. So please, just try to hang in there and try your hardest to hold on to your dreams, stay positive, and show the world that even with your disabilities that you can make it, and that you're an amazing person. :)

i cant walk for more then 20-30 minutes without needing a wheelchair
i have to sit on a shower stool, and sometimes need someone to pull me over the lip of the tub cause i cant get out myself.
i need to be carried up stairs
any gov aide im not eligible for
i cant be intimate with my mate
i cant go places with people because i limit the group
people leave me because the "aww you poor thing!" eventualy wears off and they just get tired of catering to a handicapped person
im often looked down at because people dont beleive im really injured. or im out in public and people are always like "why do you walk with those, your WAY too young to be like that"
i have to bring a tazer with me everywhere i go cause im scared, since im so feeble and weak.
and all the misery and pain makes me want to shut others out because i want to spare them all my emo'ness. because i know ill eventualy tire them out and their patience will go
when im at my worst and i just get worn down and i do start to slip, i get pressured to "cheer up" or "come on" or "be strong" so i dont feel like i CAN let my barriers down. because any sign of weakness will only prompt people to tell me to keep going, so i have to endlessly maintain my image of strength else i get shit for "giving up". so the result is feeling even more secluded and isolated so i just save my breakdowns for when everyone is asleep and i can safely vent and cry alone where nobody sees me.
which contributes to my almost nightly nightmares, which contributes to my feelings of exhausted hoplessness which is one giant vicious circle.
so "your still alive" hardly serves as cheering. because some of the time i dont feel like thats a GOOD thing. i want to have positive feelings but its hard to think them when lost in a fog of neverending pain.

im sorry if this came off angry..my anger isnt for you
its just i dont think you read the red text at all..

Oh no, I completely understand. Venting is a good thing, so coming off angry doesn't bother me, especially given the situation you are in. I was just trying to help, I know little about your situation besides what you've shared, and maybe even less since I'm a fairly new watcher, but I just wanted to try to help to the best of my abilities. I don't have any idea of the pain you're in and the turmoil you feel, for even if you decide to go on and on about it for days and days on end, I know that I will never truly understand unless I am in your shoes or go through a similar event. I basically just left the comment to let you know that I do care, even though I barely know anything about you. I want to understand what you're going through, I want to help, but I know I can never truly help...but just remember that you'll always have people there to help you, to be a shoulder to cry on. Also, in no way do I, or the people you care about, want you to not let your barriers down. It is completely natural and extremely understandable if at times you want to show how you feel on the inside, the pain and suffering you've gone through. The only reason I brought up the "you're still alive" thing is that being alive doesn't just affect you. Imagine how many people would have felt terrible and lost with you dead instead of handicapped, your mate, your family, friends...they can still be around you, and you can be around them. However I completely understand why you feel like it isn't a cheerful thought, I can understand that being alive and crippled is a million times worse then being alive without those disabilities...I can even understand why even death itself may seem like a better option. All of these occurrences sounds extremely horrible, and in no way would I think that you need to "be strong" or "cheer up", because even in my situations I find it hard to cope, and what you're going through makes my troubles pale in comparison. I really do hope that you'll make it through this, that there's a light at the end of the tunnel, even through all of this. If anything I've said troubles you or doesn't seem helpful, I apologize completely, and I won't comment any more if that is what you wish. I just want you to know that even almost complete strangers can care. I do hope you have a better day after that nightmare, and I wish you the best of luck. I love your art, and I love your personality, and losing someone like you with your talents would be a horrendous loss, so please don't take anything I said offensively, for I don't mean any harm. Thank you for reading this, and like I said I'll stop commenting if I'm not helping.

And this is why I try my best to extend respect to the handicapped.
I rarely, if ever, pry into their condition (in case it's linked to painful memories like this), and I try to make friends with them, because <Diety of your choice> knows that they could use more friends.
I personally wrestle with minor anxiety problems (if something 'triggers' it the response varies from "Can't eat until it calms down" to "violently trembling and can't stop") and a crushing lack of self esteem/self desire. Hardest question in the world for me to answer is "What do you want?" and its variants.
.... yet I feel guilty for posting this, because it's absolutely nothing compared to what you go through. I have no right to try to relate.
I'm sorry for cluttering up your comment thread with a soapbox, and will remove it if you want me to.
That said, people like the two focused furs in this comic piss me off to no end. If I had any ability to face confrontation, I'd lay them both out. It's not their right to question you. They don't KNOW what you've been through, and they never WILL.

it's like your subconscious is telling you to do that Shout It Out meme that was popular a couple years back

...cyborgs need to be a thing. seriously. I just want to reach out and fix you. Nobody should have to put up with this.

all i can say from this is it hurts to hear and see. i don't know what it's like but a nightmare like that and how you can show it really helps feel for it.
noone can ever know how anyone else feels, but similar experiences might make some understnad easier. i don't have any, but my sisters boyfriend has some sever disabilties and though he can walk he's in the most constant pain all the time. some days he almost can't get out of bed until later in the day, and i know know more about this because they stayed over last week. ther's so much shit he has to do and it doesn't feel good knowing that he can never fix that, and that every week he has to take serious meds that lave him without an immune system for the day meaning that things only get worse, but it atleast allows him to move around easier without his joints being attacked as much.