Thank you for posting this.

That being said, I love the drawing.

i feel for you Whil not the same experience i have soem severe issues that are hard to talk to others about they lead to bad socail anxieties and such..
hugs i hope this helps a bit getting a perspective on thigns often helps me

I'm glad you caught yourself and got some help. Very brave of you and I appreciate you doing it to try to help others.

Stay strong. Stay well.

Bottling it up never helps, while it isn't easy talking about it it is one of the only things that can help

+Fave - Not just for my appreciation of the thought-provoking art itself, but also (mostly) because of the colossal amount of respect I have for you for talking about this at all. Especially given that you're doing it in such an open and public manner.

Those thoughts? They're horrifying. I cannot express enough how happy I am that you got help immediately.

I have to catch myself every so often and remember that suicidal thoughts are lies, covering up reality with the illusion of hopelessness. In the end, all things are transient. Good job, dragging up the will to fight.

I hope you feel better now, I wish you well and hope you never follow these thoughts. The world would be a dimmer place with out you. You are very brave for posting this.

I've been having those same exact thoughts as well, but I know they'll pass. Keep your chin up. :c

Always there for you, Dirt.

It's far too easy to be totally swept away when the emotional tidal waves kick up, and for you to have mustered the clarity of mind (and the fortitude) to do the hotline thing AND then go on to convert the experience into a positive gesture for others to gain from? You, lady, are amazing.

What causes a lot of people to shy away from hotlines (and even usually trusted friends and family) is that when they need them the most, they also feel at their most powerless and most naked. I'm familiar with those particular throes myself, and the revelation that people truly do understand and appreciate what you're going through can be mind-blowing. Even when people don't understand the depth and complexity of the emotions and thoughts in play, just the open show of support and lack of judgement can be a great help. This journal may get muted responses and shy nods of approval, but it's definitely a message worth offering up.

One lesson that I learned, was that just because you believe there is "no reason" that you should feel so bad, or that "it's stupid", that doesn't mean what you're feeling isn't pain. If you hurt, you're hurting. If you're sad, you're sad. No amount of rationalising, self-beating or dumb judgements from people should ever detract from this. If you feel the pain, the pain is real. If you feel the lonliness, the lonliness is real. You cannot ignore that, and nobody should tell you that it's not real. Yeah, sometimes emotions and certain thoughts don't seem to make sense, but plenty of things that don't seem to add up are everywhere in life.

It seems impossible, but you really aren't alone.
That goes for any of you grappling with private, complex issues, but also to you Dirt, you big fluffy derp you. :3

*extreme hugs*

Hmmm, I myself had a similar experience to you not even a week ago. I also posted about it online, and got some good help and tips and suggestions. Let me know if you'd like more links to resources and such.

Kudos for getting help when you felt you needed it! I sometimes have moments like this, but I tend to keep it all in and not talk about it, but it scares me sometimes. I'm glad Lifeline was able to help you though

Despite that, love the drawing, and thank you for sharing your experience.

you have proven again to be one of the strongest people that i've met

I went through the same thing quite recently, found myself questioning how worth while it was to keep going and had a horrible sense of worthlessness. It took me recalling how a few of my close friends had ended their lives and how it had affected me, as well as their family and friends. Lifeline found it's way to my speed dial pretty quick, and I found a local adult mental health emergency line. The mental health hospital quickly put me onto my local GP and I got help.
I regret I hadn't done it alot earlier, it may have helped me realize so many things sooner.

It's taking time but I'm slowly rethinking alot about myself, as well as pushing myself to keep looking forward.

Seeing others open up and sharing their fears, emotions and most of all reaching out when they need it has helped me do the same.

Thank you for sharing, I was having a bit of trouble today but seeing this gave me a bit of a nudge.

I have to say that what you did is commendable. I have suffered with depression, among other things, for many years. It is not something to be ashamed of or hide from. You are right, seeking help and talking to someone does help. Knowing there are others out there going through it also helps.

Thank you for sharing this with all of us.

I am happy you know how to handle everything well. I have felt severe depression and I have severe anxiety disorder (...and PBA among other things.. hello I never talk about my problems at all publicly fff) but I am one of the only people with those problems that has NEVER had the suicidal thought part (they usually go hand and hand) so I cannot imagine it. (I just wallow endlessly instead or something.. luckily i am medicated now hAH.) I am sorry you have felt this way. I am always here though! Feel free to e-mail me whenever, it's the best way to contact me and get a response. That and twitter. I am awful at the whole IM thing. x.x <3 MUCH LOVEEE

Thank you for opening up and expressing how you feel to us. I know It's hard to open up and sooo damn easy to lock it up inside, but in the long run, opening up is the best thing for you and to others who care about you dearly to understand the challenges, mental and physical, you are going through. I hope these feelings don't last long and hope they don't occur to often. You are one of my favorite artists and I watch quietly (Sorry if I don't talk much ^^;), and now, one of the few who has opened up, and for that I deeply respect you and feel honored to know how you feel personally, whether it is good or bad feelings.

I know these are just words, but my feelings whether you believe me are not, are true. Thank you for talking to someone and opening up to us all.

*hugs* I know how ya feel. I've been there before. I've also had a friend try to kill themselves twice and I was the only person there to stop them. It IS odd when you think about it sometimes, it's like, really the only reason someone might have to keep 'going' is to avoid hurting those they care about, but I try to look at it this way: why do I care about hurting those I care about? It's not just about THEIR feelings but it's about my feelings as well. *I* care about them just as much as *they* care about me, if not more in some cases. Then I realize that it's not just for THEIR sake that you keep going, but for your OWN sake as well. Despite life having its ups and downs and sometimes not having any real point, at the end of the day I always think that it's more worth living than not. Also this is the first time I've ever expressed these thoughts out loud as well.

I have been in this mind-set before. And too terribly recently. My thoughts are with you and thank you for sharing these deeply emotional and personal thoughts.

Only together can we beat back the darkness. May you find the strength you need to keep on going.

Thank you for sharing, and kudos on seeking help :)

Huh, I thought you were at a great point in life and seeing all sorts of promise for the future

But, well done for recognising the issue and seeking a solution!
It usually overcomes people to the point where they can't think clearly enough to

Many hugs.

you have friends

you are valued, respected and enjoyed