FA+
Shop
1353
Views
Views
6
Favorites
Favorites
Category
Story / Transformation
Species Vulpine (Other)
Size 120 x 120
File Size 23 kB
Report this content
More from Virmir
A bit of nonsense for your potential enjoyment. Critiques welcome. :)
Category Story / Transformation
Species Vulpine (Other)
Size 120 x 120px
File Size 23 kB
...But which part is real?
This is an amazing story. It's got everything in it. The contrast between the two worlds - if they are different worlds - is fascinating, as is the world of the desert by itself. It feels like we've only gotten the tiniest glimpse of a large and complicated place, just enough to want more. So much is left unanswered. What else is hidden in the sand? What's outside the desert? What is a gragg? What, or who, gave the fennec his connection to the sun? You've managed to imply an entire world with just one short story (not even that - more like a third of a short story, most of it spent in the middle of nowhere, and we're not sure that's even real). Not many writers can do that so well.
This is also one of the best stories I've read that uses repeated awakenings. I love the gradual quickening of the pace, with everything blowing up earlier and earlier each time. The moment where Karl finally loses it and punches poor Frank is just about perfect, somehow.
In addition to all of that, the descriptions (especially of the desert) are beautiful, and the action sequences are so vivid that I can almost see them. It doesn't seem like you should be able to fit so much into a story this length.
Critique? Um... I don't think I have any. If this is nonsense, it's nonsense at its best. The ending is a bit abrupt and confusing, but then, so is the rest of the story. It fits.
This is an amazing story. It's got everything in it. The contrast between the two worlds - if they are different worlds - is fascinating, as is the world of the desert by itself. It feels like we've only gotten the tiniest glimpse of a large and complicated place, just enough to want more. So much is left unanswered. What else is hidden in the sand? What's outside the desert? What is a gragg? What, or who, gave the fennec his connection to the sun? You've managed to imply an entire world with just one short story (not even that - more like a third of a short story, most of it spent in the middle of nowhere, and we're not sure that's even real). Not many writers can do that so well.
This is also one of the best stories I've read that uses repeated awakenings. I love the gradual quickening of the pace, with everything blowing up earlier and earlier each time. The moment where Karl finally loses it and punches poor Frank is just about perfect, somehow.
In addition to all of that, the descriptions (especially of the desert) are beautiful, and the action sequences are so vivid that I can almost see them. It doesn't seem like you should be able to fit so much into a story this length.
Critique? Um... I don't think I have any. If this is nonsense, it's nonsense at its best. The ending is a bit abrupt and confusing, but then, so is the rest of the story. It fits.
No! No no no no no no no! This just won't do. You give us a world, fennecs, gragg, connexions, untold stories, sun-bourne powers, deserts, temples, an evil enemy. Then he sleeps. He wakes up, 'normal' human, maybe mad, maybe delussionnal, maybe in some sort of limbo imposed by his enemy. He fights and fights and fights, saying she can't have him, then the story ends there? It's like going through all the trouble of baking cookies, then forgetting them in a closet! Unacceptable. I am very disappointed in you Virmir. I demand a sequel! I demand a prequel! I demand more! More! MORE, YOU HEAR ME? MOAR' MWAHAHAHAHA!
Whew. You get most worked up on those wonderful things you can't have, and the more you get worked up, the more you want that thing. Wait, could it be? No, it couldn't. She wanted him? He did not want her? Could it be.. ... ... ?
And why must nagas always be the bad guys?
Whew. You get most worked up on those wonderful things you can't have, and the more you get worked up, the more you want that thing. Wait, could it be? No, it couldn't. She wanted him? He did not want her? Could it be.. ... ... ?
And why must nagas always be the bad guys?
Good lord, great story, Virmir! I'd have a hard time going up against that.... Why don't I see more of your stories about? I mean, good lord! (Repeating myself...)
And this is coming from a well-liked writer. I may not get many comments, but with my friends...
I loved the interesting storyline. repeated awakenings- awesome, and used much better than anyone else I've ever seen! You, my friend, are one of those rare artists which is great at both visual and textual arts! Good job, I'll be taking a look at the rest of your stories, and I won't leave one out. You got a devoted fan here- keep them coming, mate.
And this is coming from a well-liked writer. I may not get many comments, but with my friends...
I loved the interesting storyline. repeated awakenings- awesome, and used much better than anyone else I've ever seen! You, my friend, are one of those rare artists which is great at both visual and textual arts! Good job, I'll be taking a look at the rest of your stories, and I won't leave one out. You got a devoted fan here- keep them coming, mate.
Of course, my friend. And hey, your drawings are great as well! I'm like that too, but I have no acess to a scanner. But if I ever was able too, my drawing would be here. I can't use computer drawing systems like paint or whatnot, and I wouldn't spend the money- if I had it- for a good one. But hey, I'm in the progress of reading the rest of your stuff. Good job!
Comments