Having to see my beloved dog get hit by a car and die right in front of me is the deepest pit of misery. Having to hold her lifeless body as I get covered in her blood. Nothing more than wanting me to join her. It was the most horrible ordeal.

She was everything to me and my constant companion. The only one I even felt like I could truly go to or trust. She was the biggest joy in my life and She was a daughter to me. I raised her from only 3 days old. She gave me so much hope with my life of living in chronic pain and illness. She gave me such a beautiful outlook.

Now that's destroyed.

Then my grandmother for whom I adored to pieces also died a month after.

Grief is the most painful experience and the trauma that goes with witnessing. the gorey death.

I have no idea how to build up from here.