In the dear ol’ darling town of Riderpulous, the blonde and blue one dug through the dump… “Hum hum hum-dee-dum~” Merrick hummed to himself. “Aye, lessee here, Sheriff’s birthday was yesterday, so I should definitely have something for him when I get back…” He mumbled to himself. He remembers the last time he forgot Sheriff’s birthday. The pranks continue to this day. And this year Dakota/Merrick’s too cheap to get anything that costs more than digging through trash. And what could be cheaper than looking through the garbage of a distant town? Might even find some new fun stuff. But so far it’s just these leaves that explode into furniture… Which in itself is pretty cool! So he waded through the magic leaf-things, muttering to himself upon picking each object. “What have we here?...” He mumbled, dropping the furniture leaf. Poof~ “Ooh, a triangle with ‘Dummy’ emblazoned on it… Seems appropriate, but I’ll get a wedgie for sure once he figures out what it says!” He returned the object to where he found it, and picked up another. Poof~ “Hey! That’s a nice drawer! And look, someone even was kind enough to leave aaaallll their old underwear in there for me. Best not, otherwise I know what I’ll be getting for my birthday for the next few years.” He muttered, returning this one too. Another leaf, and another poof. “What’s this? Hey now! Sheriff likes art!” He announced to himself. There stood a painting of a striking young man in blue. Who would throw something like this away oh so shamelessly? “Hmmm… There’s something wrong with his face. Kinda lopsided. Is that a unibrow? Well, it could be worse… And what do I care, I think it’s hilarious!” It returned to its leafy form, and Merrick stuck it in his pocket. He continued looking for other things to give either in addition to or in replacement of this vaguely blemished painting. He saw some turnips laying around, and he dropped them to the ground expecting something to appear. They fell with a squish and a smell. Merrick grinned slyly, and held the drippy vegetables high, shouting, “I have found my PRIIIIZZZEEE!” Several passing villagers looked at him funny. He grinned broadly and waved his turnips spastically. Not too much was here beyond broken objects, inappropriate objects, dirty objects, dirty and inappropriate objects, and general refuse. As he was fixing to cease dumpster diving, a dingy looking letter caught his eye. And as everyone knows, Merrick loves reading other people’s mail. He picked the letter up and slipped it out of the already opened envelope. It read:
Dear Cousin,
Craaaaaazy news, I’m gonna be floatin’ through town here in a few-

And that’s about as far as Merrick’s attention span would let him read. He got distracted by a nearby villager tossing out some sorta object that was too broken to fold back up into a leaf. It looked like it could have been a toy at some point, but fell right apart due to shoddy craftsmanship. Merrick assumed it was some sorta do-it-yourself kit to build a lawnmower or something. “Hey cool! Sheriff would love somethin’ like this! Hey mister!” He called out to the bear who had tossed the object in. He turned to Merrick, responding, “Huh? Whaddaya want kid? I’m not in a very good mood right now, oogaboogabooga.”
“Eh now? I uh, was wondering you got that groovy lawnmower building kit right there! I know someone who would love that.” Said Merrick to the bear.
“Lawnmo- Are you stupid or just dumb? That ain’t no lawnmower kit, oogaboogabooga. That is, or was I should say, a Merry-Go-Round. Yeah, a real nice one that would fit in a house. Piece o’ crud fell right apart though, oogaboogabooga! Like it was held together with chewing gum or somethin’…” He grumbled angrily. It in fact was held together with chewing gum.
“Aw… That’s too bad.” Merrick said back, not even vaguely sympathetic. “Where can I get one?”
“Wha-?! What’s wrong with you kid? I just told you… Agh, nevermind. Crazy Redd’s in town, oogaboogabooga. He sells this crap everytime. His tent’s in acre F2, overlooking the beach if you wanna get robbed, oogaboogabooga. Don’t say I didn’t warn ya…” The bear boomed at him.
“Groovy! Thanks, mister! You have a cool way of talking, you know that?” Merrick said.
“Get lost.”
“Tee hee~ Alrighty, have a nice day!” Merrick said cheerfully. He shoved the squishy turnips into the bear’s hands before bolting off toward the tent. Not knowing the layout of the town, he went in the wrong direction entirely. Turnips were pelted at him on his way to the beachfront. After a confusing few minutes of wandering along the shore, he found a shady looking tent not far off the shore, with a wee little “Crazy Redd’s” sign off to the side. He looked at the tent for a few seconds, and then attempted to enter. The tent flap would not move enough for him to enter. A voice came from inside the tent, “Whoa-ho-ho! Hold yer horses there, friend! This is a high-class establishment right here! You’ll be needing a password to enter, friend-o. You wouldn’t happen to have one o’ those, would ya?” The voice asked.
“Now where would I get one of those, pray tell?” Merrick asked.
“Should be in a letter. If you’re a cousin, that it. If not, you might find a cuz around here who might be willin’ to trust you with it for a price…”
“Nah, I found one in da tresh earlier!” He unfolded the letter, holding it up for the tent to see.
“Oh? Sounds good! Time flies like an arrow…” The voice said again.
“Really? I always thought it was kinda slow. Especially around my birthday.”
“No no, that was for the password.”
“You’re tellin’ me? Then what was that letter for? Can I speak to your manager?”
“I am the manager. Look, the rest of the password should be in the letter. At the bottom, there. I can’t see a thing outside the tent, so I just need to be sure you’ve got it for real.”
“Then how did you know I was here?”
“I can hear your bells jinglin’…”
“Oh, I thought it was because I tried to open the tent.”
“Um, yes yes, that is what I meant… Um, anyway! Time flies like an arrow…”
Merrick looked down at the letter he had found earlier. He scanned around the bottom, and read off what he assumed was the other half of the passphrase, “Fruit flies like a banana!” He exclaimed happily. The tent flap rolled right open, and with a gleeful squee, Merrick dramatically jumped in as if being thrown in. The fox proprietor jumped back like a swat team had just crashed in. “Whoa! Oh, welcome to my humble establishment, cousin!” He said. “I’m Craaaaazy Redd! I’m sure I’ll have something you’d be interested in here.” He continued. Merrick looked at him, tilting his head. “Cousin? Oh, cool! I didn’t know I had any cousins! You’re crazy like me too? Schweet! I totally see the resemblance! Oh wait, I’m actually a rabbit on my days off…” Merrick sputtered to Redd and himself. Redd looked at him, vaguely confused. “Are you stupid, or just dumb?” Redd thought to himself. He quickly changed his thought process again. “Um, right. Hey, uh, take a look around! Feel free to browse my fine wares! I have many things here that are guaranteed to interest you!” He said loudly, making hand gestures as he did so. “But you only have four things here.” Merrick replied. “Well yes, we are almost sold out for the night. Yessir, people flock to my tent as soon as it opens, and I sell out quickly! You’d best make a purchase real quick without thinkin’ about it first, before someone else comes in and snatches it right out from under you.” Redd spoke quickly and excitedly. “Wow, you sound popular! You must be a merchant of much honor and repute.” Merrick said, smiling happily.
“Absolutely! No doubt about it! Why, they call me ‘Crazy Redd’ cuz of how low my prices are. Honest! If I weren’t Crazy Redd, I’d be Honest Redd. But you know, ‘Crazy Redd’ has much more of a ring-a-ling ding to it, ya know what I mean?”
“These things seems a little pricey, though, if I’m not mistaken.”
“Ah, but you are indeed mistaken! You must not be from around here. You see, the exchange rate just makes it look more expensive, of course! Otherwise, that weasel Nook wouldn’t come buy my stuff and jack up the prices in his own store when he resells them!”
“You sell stuff to your competition? So which one of you is the crazier one?”
“Me, of course! I’m doin’ nothin’ but helping that crook of a Nook turn a profit.”
“Ah-ha, so you’re helping a conman rob this quaint little village?” Merrick grinned cheekily.
“What? No! No, I’m an honest… Uh… You’re missin’ the point, cuz. Point is, I’ve got many fine wares, top notch and ready to be sold at rock-bottom prices! Take a look!” Redd ushered Merrick over closer to his products. Merrick looked at what was there. “But there’s only three things for sale here.” Merrick said. “Of course, like I said, these things sell out very quickly, but I always save the best for last for my customers with busy day schedules.” Redd promptly responded. Merrick turned to Redd and explained, “Well, you see I’m lookin’ for a gift for a dear friend. He’s been helpin’ me for a long time now and I’d like to get him something meaningful. More importantly, he’ll never let me rest again if I forget to! So it is absolutely imperative that I get him something epic!” He said to him. Redd put his paw to his chin, pretending to think. “Well, what kind of stuff does he like? Is he in touch with his inner child?” He directed Merrick to a large Jack-in-the-box. Merrick turned the crank, playing the plucky children’s music as he went, and a large boxing glove burst from it right into Merrick’s chin, sending him a few feet in the air. Redd’s ears folded back, and he began to tiptoe out the door. Merrick sat up. “Wa-hoo! That’s awesome! Perfect for me, but a little too juvenile for him. What else ya got?” Redd strutted back over, rollin’ with Merrick’s durability. “Well, uh, does he care for art?” Redd asked him. “Why yes, he does! That fountain statue there looks classy!” Merrick pointed to a statue of a boy in the corner. Redd eagerly began to explain, “Ah yes! That is a fine piece of art, had to jump through many hoops to get it. Most salesmen wouldn’t turn it loose for a low price, but I like you cousin… For you, only 22,000 bells! Lookit. A perfect display of class and status! Nothin’ says money like a naked boy peeing in a fountain! Or a pool, even.” Redd was rubbing the statue’s thigh. “Eh, Sheriff’s a pretty modest guy. He wouldn’t really get off on showin’ off.” Merrick responded, poking the statue. “Well how about a pet?” Redd asked, directing Merrick’s attention to a green caged parakeet. “He has his hands full with me, he doesn’t really want a pet. He’s a cutie though!” Merrick said. “Aw, you sure you don’t want him? His names Jacques, but you can name him whatever you’d like!” Redd continued. Merrick looked at the parakeet. “Well, he might make a good pet for me… Nah, he’d just end up dead! I forgot to feed my last pet. And it was a pet rock. Wait a second… Is this parakeet even alive?” He pointed to the nails holding the stiff bird to the stand. Redd stared for several seconds. “…Of course! He’s merely sleeping. He’s grabbin’ onto those nails for support. Such high quality cage stands are slippery, ya know.” He said. Merrick shrugged and giggled. “Alrighty! Hey, you got any more artsy stuff? I like the peeing statue, but it’s a little classy for him.”
“Where’s he from?” Redd asked back.
“Tennessee!”
“Oh, that explains it.”
“Yup!”
“Anyway… I think I have something right up your alley, cuz…”
“Sounds painful.”
“What? No, I mean… Here, I’ve been savin’ this one for a real special customer. A customer with fine tastes and a keen eye. I think you’re that customer! Follow me, cousin…” He motioned for Merrick to follow, which he eagerly did. Redd opened a box, and unraveled a wrapped up box. He opened the box, and pulled out another box, and then from that box another wrapped up object. The object was an explosive device with a key. He used a key from his pocket to unlock the cage the explosive was housed in, and then entered some numbers on a keypad. The device beeped and popped open, and he carefully reached into the cage, which was intensely electrified. Merrick looked on in anticipation. From the cage, Redd pulled out a pair of scissors. “There we go. Right this way, cousin.” He walked a few feet to the right and clipped a ribbon from around a cloaked object on a stand, and pulled off the canvas draped around the prize beneath. Merrick’s eyes went wide with excitement. “Wooooow~ She’s… She’s beautiful… Such a marvelous creature, what a wonderful smile… So much joy packed into a single painting!” Merrick was nuzzling the painting, and Redd was gently trying to pry him off. He described the masterpiece, “Yessir, that right there… Is the Mona Lisa. The original! Painted by ol’ Michaelangelo da Casso himself!” Not being terribly history conscious, Merrick did not question this information. “I love it~” He squeaked out gleefully. He continued to nuzzle it. Redd pat his back. “I sure am glad. I live for customer satisfaction, ya know. This painting, rare and original, is yours… For 15,800 bells. Plus tax. Upon touching Merrick’s back, Merrick’s adoring expression began to turn south. “Ya know… 15,800 sounds like an awful lot… For something I’m not so sure it the real deal~” In fact, his expression seemed sneaky now. Redd, however, put on a “shocked” expression, as expressive as his face is, ya know. “What? Now cousin, I can assure you this piece of sh… art is the real deal! Lookie!” He pointed to the ropes of the painting. “See here? This here is the shape of an assassin’s symbol in the folds of the fabric here. He was sneaky like that, ya know!” Redd had turned his back on Merrick to examine the painting for him. “And see here, this is the coffee stain left by the man himself, after staying up late to write a paper! And this here…” His statement went flat as he felt a pair of hands around his ankles, followed closely by the sensations of his feet leaving the floor and his face making friends with the straw mat beneath. Merrick giggled sinisterly, holding Redd’s ankles in a double armlock. “Hee hee hee~ Mr. Redd, I do believe I’ve stumbled into a den of thieves, or at least one. I’m afraid I’ve gotta call bullcrap on your ‘masterpiece’!” Redd turned his head around. “Wh-wha? Cousin, what is this all about? I thought we were friends! I even offered you a good deal on this famous painting, which I can assure you is 101% legit!” Redd frantically said. “I’m not so sure… I’m pretty sure the original is in a museum somewhere… I know, because I got kicked outta that museum!” Merrick spoke with a sly tone. He dragged a finger down Redd’s dusty sole. His toes curled, but his voice remained the same, albeit a tad shaky. “Um… Okay, so it’s not the original, but it was hand-made! I promise you that…” Redd continued. “Hand-made, you say? Surely it couldn’t be worth more than the paper it’s printed on~” Merrick began to lightly rub the bottoms of Redd’s furry feet, making the kitsune cringe slightly. “What are you- Cuz, this is hand-made, I promise!” His voice got a little more uncomfortable, and shook as Merrick’s light rubbing turned to nails being dragged. “Yee! Whoa, okay! Ha-hand made… In a factory, okaythereisaidit…” He began to struggle. “Ah, I knew I was on to something there. I may be stupid, but I’m not dumb~” Merrick began to scratch-scratch a little faster, causing Redd to shiver and groan. “Nyuuuhhh… N-no cuz… I… Now c’mon, l-lemme go now! I m-meant no harm… I’ll… I’ll lower the price! Just- Ack! T-Two thousand… Aaaiiiee!” He shook and shrieked. Merrick’s thin fingers were very persuasive. They brushed up against his toes, causing them to curl and wiggle defensively. “Pl… C-cousin… I’m gonna call the…” Redd continued, struggling. “Call the what? The police? Suuuure, explain this shifty bidness to them then, I’m sure they don’t know who you are.” Merrick’s eyes grew kinda wide and maniacal, matching his broad grin. “N-now now… Th-that’s not necessary either!” He began to pull harder, his toes clenching tightly. “I thought so~ Gee, for someone who walks around barefoot on a rough mat… Hee hee!” Merrick teased, now stroking his fingers in ye olde tickle fashion. Redd writhed and groaned, giggling and sputtering out bargains. “Puh-please! C-c-cuz! I think w-we can work somethin’ oouuuttt! Wa-one th-thousahahand…” He tried his hardest to retain what little dignity he held. “Sorry, ‘cuz’! I ain’t got any money. I was just screwin’ with ya the whole time, sorry. But I really do like your painting, even if it is an obvious forgery!” Merrick said happily, but also mischievously. “Nyyyyack! J-just take it! Plehehehease, ya already found… Hnnngg… Found it… Ohahahout! Justakit! Please staaap, ol’ Redd’s got a condition…” His voice was strained and tortured. Merrick did not stop for even a second. “Oh really? Wow! Gee mister, you sure are nice! I’ve already forgotten how you just tried to rip me off~ Not that I remember, of course.” He said with a playful tone. Redd could not speak, but only giggled and twisted around. “I gotta pay ya, you know… I hope this works, since I don’t have any money. People pay good money for this kinda comedy show, ya know! It’ll be well worth it! Oh, no trouble. I love doing this! I’ll give ya a niiiice long show, cousin!” Merrick said, loud and clear. Upon hearing this hopeless statement, Redd burst out in frantic laughter, now trying his best to escape this crazy boy’s ticklish clutches. His thin fingers were ticklish somethin’ fierce. His toes clenched tightly for only brief moments, but wiggled and wagged about a majority of the time. Merrick is not too terribly strong, but is still stronger than he looks, and Redd was neither suited for combat nor wrestling. He was not going anywhere, and he knew it. From heels to toes and in between, Merrick tickled and teased Redd’s dusty feet. “Gyaaahahahahaha! C-cuhuhuhuz! Enouuhahahaha! Takeitandgohohohoho! Pleheeeease!” His laughter and pleading began to echo through the quiet village. No one dared enter the shrieking tent that night, for there were two madmen contained within, and no sympathy for either. Not even Copper dared to investigate. He’s always too busy pretending to keep track of other people’s “lost” items. The shrill pleading and comical banter could even be heard all the way from Nook’s shop, much to the salesman’s pleasure. Crazy Redd, out-crazied by the blue-and-blonde boy… Aaaalll night… Or at least for an hour. More or less. That’s about how long it took him to pass out. He was surprisingly resilient, lasting a whole hour. After Redd was good an unconscious, and now probably legitimately crazy, Merrick touched the odd painting, turning it into a leaf and depositing it into his pocket. “Thanks a bunch, Mr. Redd! It was super swell meetin’ ya!” Merrick said cheerfully as he exited the tent. Redd laid there, twitching and groaning feebly. “I promise I’ll come visit ya again sometime reeeal soon… Hee hee~ Seeee yaaaa!” Merrick called out as he let the tent flap fall down behind him. He now had a present for Mordecai. Two, if you count the other painting he found in the dump. Hopefully, they will appeal to his sense of humor, as they did to Merrick. If nothing else, Merrick got a present for himself at least. Not just the painting, but a new crazy cousin.

Ya know, he shoulda known that one day his schemes would come back to haunt him. X3

Well I think there's something missing from this picture, but I can't quite put my finger on it. =o Maybe quality? :XD: Quite possibly~ Or maybe there's too much background? I'll upload a smaller cropped version in the scrapyard and let you decide. =3 Also, is the story difficult to read? I can try and write differently is necessary. =3


Merrick is to me
Crazy Redd/Animal Crossing is to Nintendo/Hal Lab
Mona Lisa is to and artist for MAD Magazine