This is rather tricky so I'll do some sampling here.

"In the far reaches of space- something was coming to earth. It looked like a shooting star burning brightly with a warm orange glow as it broke through the stratosphere."

A minor one and probably a typo, but the space between "space" and "something" isn't needed. Best to use a comma for that one. On the second sentence, it's best to illustrate how the thing falling to Earth was "burning brightly" that moment . For example: "As it fell, the fire that surrounded it lighted up the sky, giving it a purplish hue as it got closer." A rule given to writers is "Show, don't tell" which IMO meant make your images as concrete as possible. My take on this is "Show more, tell less."

One more thing on those adverbs ending in -ly: writers do use them, but in my case it's avoided as it's better to illustrate things and sometimes it's redundant. In here it could be seen that you use them a bit too frequent. Sample:

"“Oh, thank you, thank you, and thank you. I promise you won’t regret this,” Tim squealed excitedly."

Between those "thank you"s you could've added exclamation points to show Tim's excitement . A good rule for dialogue is to let the line explain itself. Body language could be used also. Another thing, using 'said' and 'asked' is fine. No need for fancy words to replace them in dialogue. Final thing, when having dialogue between two or more characters start a new paragraph for every time another character speaks. Example:

"Tim smiled and jumped onto Alister’s chest and hugged him. “Oh, thank you, thank you, and thank you. I promise you won’t regret this,” Tim squealed excitedly. Alister brushed Tim off of him with his right hand. Tim puffed his cheeks at Alister but the husky just pat his head and walked ahead. “Don’t get too excited. Aside from the treasure you must fulfill two more conditions. One, you will do as I say. Two, keep your powers and identity a secret. If you accept, let’s move,” Alister said gallantly."

Could be done as:

"Tim smiled and jumped onto Alister’s chest and hugged him. “Oh, thank you, thank you, and thank you. I promise you won’t regret this,” Tim squealed excitedly. Alister brushed Tim off of him with his right hand. Tim puffed his cheeks at Alister but the husky just pat his head and walked ahead.

“Don’t get too excited. Aside from the treasure you must fulfill two more conditions. One, you will do as I say. Two, keep your powers and identity a secret. If you accept, let’s move,” Alister said gallantly."

To end, Tim looks cute :D.

wow cool advice I will totally use it. Thank you so much. This is the kind of guidance I have been looking for

Thanks for that. Also, try to work a bit on your punctuation. Semicolons are best used sparingly, and I can see a lot of them in places where commas and period should be. Do you have a proofreader? It would help you a lot

sadly no. Where can I get someone who would be willing to do that?

Friends (real life or online) with fluency in English are a good place to start. If they're not available. Well...

To improve on your writing, let me also recommend this site for some things: http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.p.....To/WriteAStory

Go also to your local library and read some stories that spark your interest. Short stories are enough as a reference, although that doesn't stop you from reading novellas or novels. Try to read also books and sites related to story writing. A tip to remember: To write better, read.