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I've spent some time lately wondering why it is I keep seeming to not be able to properly "Fit In" at work. Or, within society in general.
One concept, brought up by my wife that is most interesting, is how I do better with people who physically "Don't see and/or interact with me."
Taking this concept to another level, I realize I have done quite well in acquiring self-confidence, self-actualization, and a variety of other positive, personal things through my online interactions. I've been a part of the internet since 1996 and can count my total number of negative experience on one hand.
In real life, if I had a penny for every time I've had a "Negative Experience", I'd be able to comfortably retire.
This leads me, again thanks to my wife, to realize something I haven't realized up until last night. This being how I've worked so hard at rebuilding "myself", building "my" self-esteem, and being proud of who "I" am that I have totally neglected making myself "A Part of the Machine".
I've ignorantly thought that, through taking initiatives on my own part that I was showing those around me that I was strong, competent, and able. However, these efforts have likely made those around me feel as if I am "Not a Team Player", "Have a Bad Attitude", etc.
Why? Because my way isn't "The Way". If I am to truly be "Professional", I have to get better at "Analyzing My Environment", "Listening to What Others Expect of Me", and get stronger at "Seeing the World Through Their Eyes".
For instance, "Visual Cues" are something a majority of human beings take for granted. I imagine I've been given tons of them and, since I can't see them, I respond based on "What I've Heard" and "Inflection". Thus, I allow for what, to them, seems like a disconnect. The visual cue is lost and my response is poor due to having not understood something that any human being without an eye issue would clearly get.
Vision is humanities strongest and most used sense. Lacking it puts me at a disadvantage that I have to find better ways to bridge. If I don't, I will always be seen as "Unprofessional", "Incapable", and "Having a Poor Attitude".
So, if anyone has any advice on how I can "Professionally" overcome my "Social Awkwardness", I'm open to hearing them.
I've got to improve on knowing "Where" and "When" I can be the person I truly am. Online, over the phone, and other "Non-Visual" interactions seem to suit me wonderfully. But, I need to figure out how I can be happy where I must "Physically Interact with People" without losing touch of the part of me that makes me who I am and makes me happy to be me.
One concept, brought up by my wife that is most interesting, is how I do better with people who physically "Don't see and/or interact with me."
Taking this concept to another level, I realize I have done quite well in acquiring self-confidence, self-actualization, and a variety of other positive, personal things through my online interactions. I've been a part of the internet since 1996 and can count my total number of negative experience on one hand.
In real life, if I had a penny for every time I've had a "Negative Experience", I'd be able to comfortably retire.
This leads me, again thanks to my wife, to realize something I haven't realized up until last night. This being how I've worked so hard at rebuilding "myself", building "my" self-esteem, and being proud of who "I" am that I have totally neglected making myself "A Part of the Machine".
I've ignorantly thought that, through taking initiatives on my own part that I was showing those around me that I was strong, competent, and able. However, these efforts have likely made those around me feel as if I am "Not a Team Player", "Have a Bad Attitude", etc.
Why? Because my way isn't "The Way". If I am to truly be "Professional", I have to get better at "Analyzing My Environment", "Listening to What Others Expect of Me", and get stronger at "Seeing the World Through Their Eyes".
For instance, "Visual Cues" are something a majority of human beings take for granted. I imagine I've been given tons of them and, since I can't see them, I respond based on "What I've Heard" and "Inflection". Thus, I allow for what, to them, seems like a disconnect. The visual cue is lost and my response is poor due to having not understood something that any human being without an eye issue would clearly get.
Vision is humanities strongest and most used sense. Lacking it puts me at a disadvantage that I have to find better ways to bridge. If I don't, I will always be seen as "Unprofessional", "Incapable", and "Having a Poor Attitude".
So, if anyone has any advice on how I can "Professionally" overcome my "Social Awkwardness", I'm open to hearing them.
I've got to improve on knowing "Where" and "When" I can be the person I truly am. Online, over the phone, and other "Non-Visual" interactions seem to suit me wonderfully. But, I need to figure out how I can be happy where I must "Physically Interact with People" without losing touch of the part of me that makes me who I am and makes me happy to be me.
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Awwww, yeah, its a kind of "damned if you do and damned if you don't" sort of situations. In order to get around that "bad attitude" thing, you'll have to play ball a bit and let them help you more. Don't try as hard to be strong, competent, and able, and instead let them see your more vulnerable side. Think of it as kind of pretending to be a cub and needing to be helped to do certain things by all the big adults at work. When elsewhere and when needed, you can still be the strong, competent person you are and want to be. Only during some parts of the day will you need to let go of that for a bit and let them help you.
It may sound odd to do this, but I've gone through similar situations. I was reluctant to let anyone help since I wanted to show I could do it on my own, but eventually started accepting the help. After all, its something you can't help and people are willing to assist you because of it. Just don't ever become too reliant on their help, and always make sure you can do some things on your own just in case you run into a situation where there is no one around to help. *crinklehugs*
It may sound odd to do this, but I've gone through similar situations. I was reluctant to let anyone help since I wanted to show I could do it on my own, but eventually started accepting the help. After all, its something you can't help and people are willing to assist you because of it. Just don't ever become too reliant on their help, and always make sure you can do some things on your own just in case you run into a situation where there is no one around to help. *crinklehugs*
*Huggles and pat pats your back fluff* All wonderful points, Ozzie. I can always count on you for helping me know its okay to allow myself to kind of go cubby and allow myself to be helped.
I'm not normally the type of guy with a disability who gets angry (directly) at people who call me "Buddy" or go, "I got the door for you" and other such things. Standard human code is to "Help Others" and, well, our society doesn't teach how, even without sight, I can open a door. More importantly, you can talk to me as a colleague instead of like I'm a child.
The only time I'd want to be talked to like a child is if I could live out my fantasy of having someone hold me and pat my padded rump while saying things like, "I love you, buddy" and "You're special", or "No worries, little guy". I'll happily take such words as I zone out to gentle pats, soft crinkles, and affection.
Ah, to even write that last paragraph put me in "My Happy Place". *Coos*
I'm not normally the type of guy with a disability who gets angry (directly) at people who call me "Buddy" or go, "I got the door for you" and other such things. Standard human code is to "Help Others" and, well, our society doesn't teach how, even without sight, I can open a door. More importantly, you can talk to me as a colleague instead of like I'm a child.
The only time I'd want to be talked to like a child is if I could live out my fantasy of having someone hold me and pat my padded rump while saying things like, "I love you, buddy" and "You're special", or "No worries, little guy". I'll happily take such words as I zone out to gentle pats, soft crinkles, and affection.
Ah, to even write that last paragraph put me in "My Happy Place". *Coos*
I hate being called, "Buddy", "Pal", etc. by strangers (and if they pat me on the head--that really pisses me off), but I don't really mind people holding doors for me--I can get most doors open on my own, but frankly, it's a pain in the ass--people hold doors for strangers all the time anyway, as it's the polite thing to do.
It's the condescending attitudes that I can't abide by. Offering help if it isn't requested or needed is fine, by my book. But I still want to be treated with respect. Hold the door for me, like you would for a normal person, or someone with an armload of packages. Don't open a door that you're not using. Don't act like you've given me a kidney for that simple task either, and don't make stupid statements along the lines of how strong or brave or whatever I am.
It's the condescending attitudes that I can't abide by. Offering help if it isn't requested or needed is fine, by my book. But I still want to be treated with respect. Hold the door for me, like you would for a normal person, or someone with an armload of packages. Don't open a door that you're not using. Don't act like you've given me a kidney for that simple task either, and don't make stupid statements along the lines of how strong or brave or whatever I am.
I honestly don't think I could've put it better myself.
Help me if we are on equal ground in the midst of similar activities. Let me be if you simply are trying to earn "Good Boy" points by helping the "perceived" cripple.
I'm so hoping I get my "Pony Panel". I want to do a great presentation on understanding disabilities both from the individual with the disability's standpoint and from the standpoint of those who live and know how truly able the so-called disabled really are.
Help me if we are on equal ground in the midst of similar activities. Let me be if you simply are trying to earn "Good Boy" points by helping the "perceived" cripple.
I'm so hoping I get my "Pony Panel". I want to do a great presentation on understanding disabilities both from the individual with the disability's standpoint and from the standpoint of those who live and know how truly able the so-called disabled really are.
This sounds like a case of needing to find the happy medium. You do need to be yourself, and you shouldn't stop being yourself and proud of who you are. You also need to play the game. It's hard, but it is possible.
I'm not sure how this is best accomplished, I usually have to remind myself to "tone it down" a bit. That seems to help the social interactions on my part.
I'm not sure how this is best accomplished, I usually have to remind myself to "tone it down" a bit. That seems to help the social interactions on my part.
That's right on the money, my friend. Knowing when to talk, how to talk, and putting up some "Guards" to ensure you don't give off a misleading impression.
What happens at my work is what will happen. Where I'm at, it's all about "Speed" and "Accuracy" and there's not a whole lot of both I can do since the changeover. So, I'm just going to ride the train and see where it goes.
I'm also going to try and find a book about "Social Skills in the Workplace". I was recommended one, but I need it in electronic form so I can read it without my eye. :)
What happens at my work is what will happen. Where I'm at, it's all about "Speed" and "Accuracy" and there's not a whole lot of both I can do since the changeover. So, I'm just going to ride the train and see where it goes.
I'm also going to try and find a book about "Social Skills in the Workplace". I was recommended one, but I need it in electronic form so I can read it without my eye. :)
Environment is really important. I learned very on from school that in most environments you absolutely should not try your best, despite what the media tells you otherwise, especially if you have disabilities or are nonwhite (and I fit both criteria, so I learned this as early age 6) sometimes the most useful skill is 'blending in' and 'not causing a fuss' (although I became so good at that by high school that I often got marked as absent because no one knew I was there, it would be bad go to overboard with blending in to the point where no one notices you at all)
Honestly, not trying hard, not trying to prove anything, is really good for not stressing over things. My mom used to stress over everything and it was awful for her health. but she learned to just let some things go. If something doesn't have a super urgent deadline or is some sort of work emergency, it doesn't pay to worry and put 110% into getting it done. Just do what you can.
Still I think it's good to try hard in certain situations, for example your writing and your HappoTales stories, trying hard is required to succeed at all in things like that. Following your dream, that kind of thing is where you should put your focus into.
Adaptation is the one of most useful skills there is, but also one of the hardest to master. Especially in a world where no one even makes the slightest effort to understand you yet expects you to magically understand them. I can relate to you a lot in many of the things you've said and have been through, and I'm sorry I haven't been around very often. You should feel free to send me a note if you need/want to though, because I do check the site occasionally even if I'm not active anymore.
Honestly, not trying hard, not trying to prove anything, is really good for not stressing over things. My mom used to stress over everything and it was awful for her health. but she learned to just let some things go. If something doesn't have a super urgent deadline or is some sort of work emergency, it doesn't pay to worry and put 110% into getting it done. Just do what you can.
Still I think it's good to try hard in certain situations, for example your writing and your HappoTales stories, trying hard is required to succeed at all in things like that. Following your dream, that kind of thing is where you should put your focus into.
Adaptation is the one of most useful skills there is, but also one of the hardest to master. Especially in a world where no one even makes the slightest effort to understand you yet expects you to magically understand them. I can relate to you a lot in many of the things you've said and have been through, and I'm sorry I haven't been around very often. You should feel free to send me a note if you need/want to though, because I do check the site occasionally even if I'm not active anymore.
I am very happy to be hearing from you, Skye. I was listening to "Hell Frozen Rain" today and how much that song has found its own meaning to me since you introduced me to it. I then immediately think of you, how you are doing, and feeling awful for having neglected your journals for the past month.
So, to begin, I'm very sorry I've fallen so far behind on all that is new with you. I've meant to, but I have found myself battling my negative funk so much that I really have just focused on doing quick, happy things. I've even missed some art by friends for how narrowly focused I've been due to recalibrating myself.
So, again, I'm sorry. :(
I definitely will take you up on those Notes. I miss you terribly and want to keep in touch as much as possible. I check notes far more often than I read journals. So, it'd be a surefire way for us to connect when we can.
What you wrote above makes a lot of sense, too. I processed it as I went through it. I can definitely tell you were able to relate by how elequently and to-the-point you were on each paragraph of advice.
I'm finally feeling my positive spark of creativity / enthusiasm returning. I am also doing my best to accept that people will make up their minds about me and, no matter what, I can't change that. More importantly, though, there's no need to push myself to where I'm getting headaches from ocular strain just to meet goals that, realistically, I'm physically unable to do.
I do hope you have been doing well with your own, respective battles against society, work, and disability. I also hope you are finding rays of positivity more often than burdens of negativity.
I care about you a lot, Skye. I am here for you by Note, Text, or even phone call. You have, and always will be, a strong influence on who I am and one of the few I can say kept me from ending my life prematurely. You're very special and I hope you never let anyone make you think, or feel, otherwise.
So, to begin, I'm very sorry I've fallen so far behind on all that is new with you. I've meant to, but I have found myself battling my negative funk so much that I really have just focused on doing quick, happy things. I've even missed some art by friends for how narrowly focused I've been due to recalibrating myself.
So, again, I'm sorry. :(
I definitely will take you up on those Notes. I miss you terribly and want to keep in touch as much as possible. I check notes far more often than I read journals. So, it'd be a surefire way for us to connect when we can.
What you wrote above makes a lot of sense, too. I processed it as I went through it. I can definitely tell you were able to relate by how elequently and to-the-point you were on each paragraph of advice.
I'm finally feeling my positive spark of creativity / enthusiasm returning. I am also doing my best to accept that people will make up their minds about me and, no matter what, I can't change that. More importantly, though, there's no need to push myself to where I'm getting headaches from ocular strain just to meet goals that, realistically, I'm physically unable to do.
I do hope you have been doing well with your own, respective battles against society, work, and disability. I also hope you are finding rays of positivity more often than burdens of negativity.
I care about you a lot, Skye. I am here for you by Note, Text, or even phone call. You have, and always will be, a strong influence on who I am and one of the few I can say kept me from ending my life prematurely. You're very special and I hope you never let anyone make you think, or feel, otherwise.
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