FA+
Shop
684
Views
Views
3
Favorites
Favorites
Category
Story / Transformation
Species Wolf
Size 118 x 120
File Size 49.2 kB
Report this content
More from brothejr
In the small town of New Rockford, various people have turned up dead. Their bodies had been heavily mauled with all signs pointing to some sort of beast. Audrey and her friend Mark takes it upon themselves to hunt the beast behind it all.
This was a fun little story that just seemed to write itself. The title first popped into my mind as an idea and I just wrote a story around it.
This was a fun little story that just seemed to write itself. The title first popped into my mind as an idea and I just wrote a story around it.
Category Story / Transformation
Species Wolf
Size 118 x 120px
File Size 49.2 kB
Well that was a let down. That story might as well have been called "Stock Footage" it was so formulaic.
Also the end is depressingly stupid, as Generic Stock Chick is murdered by her "best friend" (quotations because that's obviously bull) because of the obvious "your friend is the werewolf" gag that's in every fucking werewolf movie.
Course the primary reason she died is the dumb bitch, literally out hunting a werewolf, doesn't have her hands on the damn rifle at all times, like anyone who's ever used a rifle for any reason in the history of small arms. Lotta fucking good a .30-06 does you when you mysteriously don't keep your hands on it.
Even more retarded, Generic Werewolf Guy drops hints like a Grand Slam bomb, so big and heavy the Hellen Kellers of the world couldn't miss them. Bitch knows there's a werewolf out there! The fuck is wrong with her?
And now I'm pissed off because I just read a hyper short, seven page story, and I still feel like I've wasted an infinite amount of time on it.
Now, advice for how you could have fixed it. Since he drops such big hints, have Generic chick keep nodding and agreeing, being very careful not to tip her hand that she notices the hints. Then, when he gears up to transform, she grabs the rifle and rolls to her back (since standing would take too long), braces the rifle in an unexpected fashion, and blows his goddamn guts out mid transformation.
She does this because, and I cannot stress this enough, why would you let him finish? Why would you ever let the werewolf finish transforming?
Also the end is depressingly stupid, as Generic Stock Chick is murdered by her "best friend" (quotations because that's obviously bull) because of the obvious "your friend is the werewolf" gag that's in every fucking werewolf movie.
Course the primary reason she died is the dumb bitch, literally out hunting a werewolf, doesn't have her hands on the damn rifle at all times, like anyone who's ever used a rifle for any reason in the history of small arms. Lotta fucking good a .30-06 does you when you mysteriously don't keep your hands on it.
Even more retarded, Generic Werewolf Guy drops hints like a Grand Slam bomb, so big and heavy the Hellen Kellers of the world couldn't miss them. Bitch knows there's a werewolf out there! The fuck is wrong with her?
And now I'm pissed off because I just read a hyper short, seven page story, and I still feel like I've wasted an infinite amount of time on it.
Now, advice for how you could have fixed it. Since he drops such big hints, have Generic chick keep nodding and agreeing, being very careful not to tip her hand that she notices the hints. Then, when he gears up to transform, she grabs the rifle and rolls to her back (since standing would take too long), braces the rifle in an unexpected fashion, and blows his goddamn guts out mid transformation.
She does this because, and I cannot stress this enough, why would you let him finish? Why would you ever let the werewolf finish transforming?
I doubt it turned out the way anyone wanted, given the way it turned out is generic stock stupidity.
Not to mention the bad guy wins, and if you're gonna do wrote, generic nonsense the least you can do is end it on some sort of high note.
As it stands it's not just stupid, but depressing, that magical "go fuck yourself" combo of bad writing.
Not to mention the bad guy wins, and if you're gonna do wrote, generic nonsense the least you can do is end it on some sort of high note.
As it stands it's not just stupid, but depressing, that magical "go fuck yourself" combo of bad writing.
Thank you for tearing apart my writing. About all I can suggest, based on your profile, is that you try and write a werewolf story based on how you want it to turn out. It seems that instead of entertaining you, which was my intent, you were angered. Maybe you could turn that strong feeling into a masterpiece of your own.
Well gee golly wilikers, I never thought to take my dissatisfaction with other people's work and turn it into a story.
Writing a story the way I wanted it to go just never occurred to me before you mentioned it.
But in all seriousness, if you're gonna say that sort of thing you should probably read a bit of what I've written, given werewolf stories are half of my entire output.
Writing a story the way I wanted it to go just never occurred to me before you mentioned it.
But in all seriousness, if you're gonna say that sort of thing you should probably read a bit of what I've written, given werewolf stories are half of my entire output.
Russetwolf has a few valid points there. (although he is TERRIBLY rude... =p)
The story is very predictable and the hints are way too obvious.
Unless you purposely made it too obvious to make the traditional werewolf fan wanting for more.
But in that case I would expect a surprise or a twist in the end, which did not seem to happen which of course disappointed me.
It would be very funny to read how a seemingly cliché werewolf story turns out totally differently.
In any way, this is a short story. Short stories do not need elaborate plots or detailed character development. So your story does well as a short story.
However, this does not mean that your characters could be emotionless. The characters feel very unnatural and void of emotion.
They act very odd and unlike us. Hence it is hard to identify with them.
Try to work or plan out the actions of the characters better. For every thing they do, there must be a reason.
Why could she ever avenge her father if she is already over her father's dead within hours? Try to express her hatred. Let the reader know what her father meant to her.
Why did she leave the gun on the ground? Maybe show the reader that she is clumsy with firearms, or that she was too stunned by the transformation to grab the gun.
These little things hurt your story most, which is a real shame. Because although the plot is very cliché, cliché stories are proven and are often fun to write and read.
I suggest you keep practising! Good luck!
The story is very predictable and the hints are way too obvious.
Unless you purposely made it too obvious to make the traditional werewolf fan wanting for more.
But in that case I would expect a surprise or a twist in the end, which did not seem to happen which of course disappointed me.
It would be very funny to read how a seemingly cliché werewolf story turns out totally differently.
In any way, this is a short story. Short stories do not need elaborate plots or detailed character development. So your story does well as a short story.
However, this does not mean that your characters could be emotionless. The characters feel very unnatural and void of emotion.
They act very odd and unlike us. Hence it is hard to identify with them.
Try to work or plan out the actions of the characters better. For every thing they do, there must be a reason.
Why could she ever avenge her father if she is already over her father's dead within hours? Try to express her hatred. Let the reader know what her father meant to her.
Why did she leave the gun on the ground? Maybe show the reader that she is clumsy with firearms, or that she was too stunned by the transformation to grab the gun.
These little things hurt your story most, which is a real shame. Because although the plot is very cliché, cliché stories are proven and are often fun to write and read.
I suggest you keep practising! Good luck!
Comments