Im sorry
Look....I wish you'd stop appoligizing for everything..I wish i could be with you...Yes I've cried a lot when I saw you. But its cuz of some things you said, i know you ment no harm by it..but it did hurt a bit. You said you were a terrible guy. And i deserve someone better. Or why I left my ex's, that they were better men. But.. they werent what I wanted. The first one...well he abused me mentally..chased off everyone i loved.. just so he'd have me to himself, but if I ever spoke up he'd get mad, cheated on me with a dude and a chick..think i want that jerk back? He made me suicial for over a year, so close every day to ending my life. Yeah I surely want a relapse of that....The next, was some childish little kid who ignored me and was seeing someone else while he was away, even hit on girls infront of me. Then one basically only wanted one thing..he enjoyed making me cry, calling me a bitch breaking down my self esteem again, putting me back down into depression. I surely want them back totally..the next...I loved him, and regret leaving him. I wish i never did i missed out on something wonderful..but we coulda learned about each other more. But yeah, then the man after that, well...only one thing was desired and dumbass me....sigh....let it happen....i wish it didnt....
Honestly, you yourself havent made me upset. When Im with you, im always smiling. My heart warms up, and I have little butterflies in my tummy as we chat and when I hug you...its the best feeling in the world to be around you. The negative words though...im no good for you. I dont care if you think that..my feelings towards you will never change, ill always love you. Even if a fear of mine comes true.... where you toss me aside...like im just a peice of garbage...Ill still love you, why? Because..i felt a connection between us..like i truely thought i would be the happiest with you...your all that runs through my mind daily. When your upset all i want to do is hold you in my arms, let you rant about anything although you dont. I want to see you smile, hear that dorky laugh of yours. Or get that cruel look when i try acting innocent about something silly. I cant help but laugh and be happy, weither you return the feelings or not. It is as it is.... Im sorry if your reading this and all i've done is make it worse.But you told me before when i expressed myself this way, things were a little clearer to you. I dont see myself being in love anywhere in the future..im probably going to turn into one of those crazy cat ladies but in a dog version.
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