This little tale I’m telling you could get drab really fast. The following days I didn’t have a whole lot to report. This ‘work’ that Cedric partook in made him have a similar schedule each day. He would make some kind of breakfast for us in the morning and then head off to work, remaining there much of the day. Speaking purely from an observational military standpoint, it wasn’t the best of choices he could have made. With so much time away from his base it could have easily been taken over by another Human, or an alien kitty.

After some time I had gotten him trained to remember to make me some food for lunch and dinner before he left instead of just breakfast. I suppose I could’ve figured it out myself but that wasn’t particularly interesting.

Every day had been nearly the same as the one before. Sit, eat, look around, observe the occasional life form outside of the household and bat at the toys Cedric had picked up at the local pet shop. Life felt very…lacking. It was good that I had a place to stay now, but it didn’t take away the lonely feeling. I had never considered myself the needy type. I didn’t need company; I was like a one-cat wrecking machine. At least I thought I was up until this point, but it turns out the lack of company made everything boring beyond words.

I rolled off the sofa to pace the house another time. I had lost count of all the times I had done so. Nothing ever changed and the interior was a little dull in comparison to what I was accustomed to. Unlike the halls of the Academy which were kind of rounded and white with the various colors running through the walls in circuit like patterns, Cedric’s were a flat off-white—kind of like he hadn’t painted in a while. Knowing his lack of motivation for most household chores, he probably hadn’t. I mean the guy would wait until he had run out of clothes before doing his laundry. That should say something about a guy.

I wandered through the kitchen that was equally dull. I hadn’t visited many true kitchens on Qwuh-9 so I couldn’t say how they compared, but I assumed these Earthian ones were far below standard just as their walls were.

I continued onward. The kitchen stopped shortly after and led to a little entryway for the other door. I made a right turn from there. Cedric’s house kind of looped in a circle and there were a lot of halls. I was currently positioned in one of said halls—one that went both right and left. I knew there were a couple random rooms in both directions, but rooms were currently not on the list of objectives.

I headed left down the hall. It was boring and plain—not even a single picture. Clearly Cedric had no decoration crew for this base of his. I paused near a room with an open door—the utility or laundry room or something like that. I had heard Cedric refer to it as such. Said room had a window in the rather beat up looking door. I couldn’t see out of it as well as I would have liked to so I found a step ladder to stand on.

Outside looked a lot more fun to be in than Cedric’s house. It was more colorful for a start and secondly—Great Northern Sea Cucumber! There was the strangest Earthian plant I had ever seen before right there on the back deck. It looked so strange I wasn’t even sure it was an Earthian plant. It could’ve been an invader from another planet—trying to steal our planet.

No plant was going to take Earth out of Qwuedeviv possession while I was around. Oh, I also wouldn’t let them take over Cedric’s base either. Cedric may not have known the first thing about military tactic—odd that they had set him up as commander come to think of it—but I did. I could tell a threat when I saw one.

Another look was required. This ‘plant’ or potential alien was greenish. This was a customary Earth plant color, but that proved nothing. You see Earthians also depict aliens as being these large headed, black eyed, green things. This plant alien was not only green, but it also had hair or something that at least looked like hair. Very strange and you know what I always say about strange things; they need further, skillful investigation.

I didn’t suspect wandering in the backyard would be too dangerous. I was capable of handling the plant alone and I couldn’t see any other threats. So for the very first time since I had arrived, I headed out. There was a conveniently placed door there if you recall, so I simply moved the step ladder and used it—the door not the ladder.

I pushed the door open just a bit and stopped to listen for uninvited guests or lurking Earthians. I didn’t see any which was probably good. I didn’t suspect Cedric wanted stray Earthians in his yard.

With all precautionary measures taken in this military operation, I flung the door open wide and happily frolicked out. It was a tad cooler outside than it had been in the house, but nothing too bad. The suspicious plant hadn’t moved. I approached it quickly and sized it up.

It was one of the bigger ones I had come across so far—not that I had really been outside if you recall. From rounded pottery vessel to alien-plant head it reached my shoulders in height.

“Hello Plant, I am Second Lieutenant Smiley, Commander of Qwuedeviv Crew 52. State your alliance.”

I waited. It didn’t answer. I waited longer. It still didn’t answer. Huh. Some commanders…

“Hey! Friend or foe!” I gave it a jab with a finger. “Meowch!”

Sharp pain pulsed through my finger.

I retreated a safe distance, clutching my injured arm. I checked to make sure the plant hadn’t followed before tending to my wound. Those of you with weaker stomachs may not want to read this part. These are the kinds of things that can traumatize a soldier. I won’t blame you if you just want to skip this section and move on to a happier log. Maybe try a couple down from this one.

You sure you’re up for this? Well, we’ll see.

When I looked down at my paw, there was a sharp spike lodged in my finger. It was probably poisonous. I was probably doomed. 24 hours max.

“So you’re a foe.” My ears pinned down as I bravely and carefully closed my fist.

If this was the end I wouldn’t go down without a fight. My time on Earth had been difficult and it seemed its inhabitants had no intent of showing any mercy.

“You just messed with the wrong cat.” My finger was throbbing by this point, but I ignored it. “If it’s a fight you want, I’m just the Qwuedeviv to give it to you!”

Everyone at Command Center cried for me to stop; they didn’t want their hero to go down in such a gruesome war. I shut out their pleas and launched myself into battle.

First contact was brutal. I knocked the alien plant over, but in the process it had struck with lightning speed. All at once every part of me was hurting. My arms, my legs, my paws, my body. I decided a retreat was in order and twisted with swift grace. Or it would’ve been swift grace, but the dumb thing snagged my tail fur and launched itself at me from behind. I didn’t have time to avoid it. The plant made connection yet again. Prickling pain struck all around my tail base.

“That’s dirty fighting!” I yowled.

Unfortunately it was still clinging to my tail. I started panicking and running chaotically in an attempt to confuse it. Half of its strikes were hits, the others misses. I battled bravely, unleashing a fury storm of yowls, hisses and occasional bats at the beast.

At last it lost its grip and crashed against the house. Its pottery vessel cracked and dirt spewed from its wound. Within seconds it tipped over and lied motionless.

I held my ground, panting. My body burned all over from its poison darts. Many were lodged in my fur. Several more had pierced my skin. With a slight limp I approached.

“Plant…it didn’t have to be this way…”

I knelt down to rest my paw on its battle damaged warship in a final touch of comfort like in the movies, but it had the nerve to push one of its darts in further. I jumped to my feet with a hiss and kicked the pot as hard as I could. It rolled a bit and more dirt fell out.

Feeling satisfied I left it on the deck and went to go live out the remainder of my hours. I figured I had nothing to lose now so there was no need to go inside or watch out for Earthians. Cedric would miss me, but he’d get over it eventually.

I found a nice tree to stand beside. It offered shade from the nonexistent heat. You see it was actually beginning to get dark. It was fitting really. The sun of my life was setting too. So I stood there—couldn’t sit thanks to the poison darts embedded in my uh, well rear also known as Hindquarters.

So I thought about the good ‘ol days back on Qwuh-9—my home planet. Every day we practiced battling. Every day I received notable mention for my incredible resolve to get the mission complete even if it meant sabotaging the others. Ah, my younger days—the good ‘ol days for sure. Back when Dr. Leech or any of the others could probably have found a cure for this.

I wiped a couple tears from my eyes. I liked to imagine they were from fond memories, but I’m pretty sure it was because my tail had just brushed against the tree.

“Smiley?”

I turned my head slightly with a light, pained smile. It was Cedric. I must have been fading out not to have heard him coming.

“Hello, old friend.” I looked to the sky once more.

“Old friend? We only met a week ago!”

I didn’t reply—that’s what they do in movies to make things more dramatic and heart wrenching.

“Is something wrong with you?” He was making his way over now from the back deck. “You’re acting weird.”

I lazily looked back at him. “Military life does that to people.”

“Don’t be ridiculous—you were fine this morning.” Once he reached my location he squinted his eyes. “Wait a second…military life? You told me you were here to observe and learn.”

It seemed the poison had weakened my resolve not to disclose my true intentions, my true identity and all the amazingness of myself. It was probably for the best that Cedric knew who his friend truly was before death though.

“There are many things about me you do not know.” I sighed. “Poison darts. I suspect I only have a few hours to live.”

He raised an eyebrow and marched back to the porch. I couldn’t say I blamed the guy. It was hard news to take so suddenly. Soon his life would be empty and have no meaning. He also would have failed to have properly secured his home for a pet. His negligence had led us to this.

After he had gathered his composure and set the fallen enemy back up—with less dirt I could bet—he began heading my way again. I breathed heavily as I struggled to come to terms with the dramatic end.

“You messed with the cactus? Why?”

I assumed ‘cactus’ was the alien plant’s name. “It struck first. It was merely protocol to—”

“My mother gave me that back when I moved out. I’ve kept it alive all this time—don’t kill it.”

How disgusting! Here his best friend was on the verge of death and he chose to side with the enemy.

“You…I…I can’t—” I coughed, carefully clutching my throat.

“You’re being dramatic. That’s what.”

Without warning he reached over and pulled a dart from my side.

“Mew! Erm.” I looked both ways. “I mean um, meow…yes.”

“They’re just cactus needles.” Cedric continued with a roll of his eyes behind those reflecty glasses. “They aren’t going to kill you.”

“No?” One ear perked up.

“No. But they could cause a nasty infection. We better get them out.”