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More from GammaEradon
Weaver's psychic abilities and her friendship with Rene has a number of setbacks, specifically her ability to sit in on the dreams of others...even when she doesn't WANT to.
This was the result of a PCA discussion gone awry. I blame drugs and Carlito for this. *Runs away*
This was the result of a PCA discussion gone awry. I blame drugs and Carlito for this. *Runs away*
Category Story / Pokemon
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 50 x 50px
File Size 108 kB
&&&
&&&
Weaver Hipnough was snoring gently when she felt someone disturb her rest. “Weav!” She moaned as she was shaken awake.
“Go 'way...gimme five more minutes...” She mumbled. The shaking grew more insistent. “GAH! All right already!” Her eyes snapped open, seeing just who it was she was know going to kill. Surprise, surprise it was a certain vulpix with gender issues.
“Hurry, Weav! The Imperials will be on us any minute! You have to start the ship so we can take the droids to the princess and save the galaxy!”
“...I DARE you to make less sense.” Weaver sighed as she sat up. Then she looked confused when she saw Rene dressed in a weird white outfit that looked KINDA like a bathrobe only not—and that she was dressed in a white shirt and dark vest and pants outfit. “...Rene!” She accused.
The fox didn't seem to mind her. “The Empire will be here any second now! Start the ship.” Weaver rolled her eyes upwards—only to find that she was sleeping in the cockpit of what certainly LOOKED like a ship. Then she found she was sitting next to gigantic, extruded fur...thing. Weaver was put off by the seven feet of brown fur, but the tusks were a dead giveaway.
Rene appealed to her. “Tubacca?” Tuscany—at least to Weaver that's who it was—gave a sort of honking growl---HRRONK!--and nodded. The huge furry beast punched something into the control panel and Weaver felt a painful lurch in her stomach as the ship took off.
Weaver ran out of the cockpit only to bump into an odd trio in the hallway. “What the hell?!”
“Beep, beep.” A red and blue trashcan with a rounded top warbled. Neve's head popped out a minute later. “I no can breathe in this thin'” She panted.
“Moi sympazees, you 'ave zem.” A golden-plated Sherilyn muttered as she moved stiffly and woodenly.
“I thin' you oughta know, I'm feelin' very depressed.” Neve sighed.
“Zat is ze wrong android and ze wrong sci-fi.” Sherilyn noted.
Weaver looked to the last member of their party, a wheel-chair bound parichisu in a brown robe. “It's vital we get these droids safely to the Princess, Captain.”
Sighing, Weaver shook her head. “--Okay and who would you be?”
“I'm Tessa-wan Relampi, Jedi Knight.” She nodded. “Excuse me, I have to go train young Rene Flamebreather in the ways of the Force.”
“...Of course you do.” Weaver sighed as she leaned against a bulkhead. “Of course you do.”
About an hour later the ship was wracked by turbulence. Weaver was flung into Rene. “What's going on NOW?” She moaned.
“We're caught in a tractor beam!” He shouted. “We're being pulled into...THAT!” He pointed out a view port. The tapir felt her jaw drop as she saw a giant metal pokeball the size of a small moon growing closer and closer.
“...You need to get out more. Seriously.” She moaned. The ship was dragged into the belly of the Death Ball. The crew climbed out to find themselves surrounded by armed soldiers in multicolored armor; red , purple, blue, and orange.
“We're the Squirtletroopers!” The red soldier said. “Put your hands in the air—like you just don't care!”
“Ugh! Who did your wardrobes?” Another said in disgust, this one in orange.
“Don't worry though!” The one in sparkly purple armor gushed. “When we're done you're going to look FAAAABULOUS!”
“Um, aren't we supposed to take them to the throne room?” The orange one asked.
“Spoilsport.” Danny sighed as he pulled off his purple helmet. “Let's go.”
“But I don't have to go.” Rene blinked. Weaver just smacked him upside the head. “OW!!”
“Just take us away.” Weaver begged. “PLEASE!” Soon Weaver, Tuscany, Rene, Tessa, and the two droids were ushered in before the evil ruler of the Galactic Empire. “I shouldn't be surprised.” The drowzee muttered.
“All Hail Empress Blackclaw!” The Squirtletroopers called to the dark figure hidden in a cowled-robe.
Nikki Blackclaw tapped her fingers on the arm of her throne. “Ah, excellent. The Rebels. I have you now. Along with my...other prize.” She gestured towards a captive nidoran, Nicole Zuna, in a white dress chained to the floor.
“The Princess!” Rene blurted out. “I'll save her!”
“I think not.” Nikki snapped. “Apprentice...DEAL with them.”
“Yes...my master.” Out of the shadows stepped the Empress' enforcer, the Dark Lord of the Sith—Darth Tenebra.
“I'll handle this young Flamebreather.” Tessa told Rene as she rolled forward to meet the Sith lightsaber in hand.
“Tessa-wan Relampi...your powers are weak old one. You should not have come back.” Tenebra growled as she ignited her lightsaber.
Tessa snorted. “ 'Old one?' Hey my boobs aren't sagging yet!” She said as she ignited her own lightsaber and rushed at Darth Tenebra. The blades met with a crackle of energy and dazzling display of Force abilities.
“Hey, kid!” Tessa called to Rene. “You better appreciate this.” She shut off her lightsaber just as Tenebra started a wide swing. It cut Tessa down in her chair.
“Noooo!” Rene howled as Weaver wished for a better dialogue. Tessa's body vanished and Rene charged at Darth Tenebra and the Empress, picking up Tessa's lightsaber. “Your evil ends NOW! The Empire is going down.”
“Hardly.” Nikki snapped. “Your surprise attack on my Death Ball isn't as much of a surprise as you think it is.”
Rene blinked and looked at the suddenly beeping Neve. “What is it? Is it a message? Beep once for yes, two for no.”
“Oh, BEEP you chica!” She snapped. “It's a call...I ain'tcho damn secretary!” A blue hologram sprung to life.
“Admiral Fishbar! What is it?” Rene cried out when he saw who it was. Weaver just rubbed her head as Vosa—for some reason with a fishbowl on his head—waved his arms and shouted. “It's a trap! It's a trap!”
Nikki sat back and purred. “And just to make things even more interesting...” She pushed a button on the arm of her throne. The doors burst open as more figures entered.
Rene gasped in what was supposed to be a dramatic gesture. “Weaver look out! It's that bounty hunter that's been after you!”
“Say what?” Weaver turned round just in time to barely avoid getting blasted by some lunatic in armor with a helmet and rocket pack. “Oh that's it!” She reached down to her belt and pulled out a blaster of her own, firing back. She knocked the helmet off her opponent revealing an all-too familiar umbreon.
“Nubia Fett!” Rene exclaimed, apparently taking on the role of narrator. Weaver ignored him and started firing twice as often. Nubia nimbly avoided them and took cover on the far side of the room. But Rene was already pointing out other foes. “Oh no, the rancor!”
“Rar.” Charla said, unenthusiastically as she waved some faux-claws glued over her own as she stood in a monster suit. “This costume is stupid! I don't need a costume!”
“No argument.” Rene quipped. “You're scary enough as is.” Charla growled at him so he promptly hid behind Tenebra. “Sorry! Um, should we get on with the battle?”
Empress Nikki held up a claw. “Just a minute. Bring in the slave girls!”
“Say what?” For reasons yet to be explained.... and will be ignored completely, Jennifer Marine, Floritt Baez, Karen Shiitake, Emily Mentel, Ibtisam al-Scycura, and Skylar Ferroti all arrived in the slave girl outfits from the Hutt's palace and started to dance in the background. “Ooookaaay.” Rene rubbed his eyes.
Flo shrugged. “I dun ask questions, mon. I jest dance!”
“Kinky!” Emily grinned as she started cozying up to Sam. Then she looked to Weaver and waved. “Hey! Nice to see I'm not the only one who likes dropping in on fox-boi's dreams!”
“...You mean you're here by CHOICE?” Weaver looked incredulous. “Why?” Emily started groping Sam's wings.
“Like, it's a great place to hook up with my bunny.” Emily grinned as and Sam started necking. “'Totally messes with the little dudette and lets us hang even when we're both asleep! It's sweet!” Weaver shuddered and wanted to dive into the nearest shower.
Nikki grinned. “Know what time it is?” She called.
“DUEL TIME!” Everybody shouted. Darth Tenebra and Rene took out their lightsabers. With a SNAP-HISS, a red and a blue blade were lit.
“Hello! My name is Rene Firebreather...you killed my mother, prepare to die!” Rene called as he rushed Tenebra. She blocked it easily.
“Tessa never TOLD you what happened to your family, did she?” Tenebra grinned. “Rene...I AM your mother!” Rene's face paled.
“No....no....that can't be true! It's IMPOSSIBLE!” He exclaimed.
“Okay, which one of us said that?” Weaver looked around. “'Cause I know I was sure THINKING it!”
“Reneeeee--!” Tessa's pale-blue ghostly apparition appeared in mid-air. “Yeah, I was gonna mention that....look, why don't you listen to MY old master? Master Yutzi always knows what to say!”
Suddenly a green-skinned ghostly Mitzi appeared...upside down. “Hey, why's everyone standing on the ceiling? And why am I green? Oooh! Am I kermit?”
“No Yutzi.” Tessa rolled her eyes. “You're the great Jedi Master...remember? So make with the great wisdom already!”
Mitzi blinked then thumped her head with the palm of her hand. “Oh yeah! Um...Lemme think...”
“Don't hurt yourself.” Weaver muttered.
“....Now I 'member! Always trust in your forks and you'll win!” Mitzi grinned.
“...Are you sure that wasn't supposed to be 'trust in THE FORCE?' ” Tessa prodded her.
“I'm almost positive it was forks.” Mitzi blinked. “Hey! I'm all pale and translucy! I can stick my hand through me!” Mitzi stuck her hand through her stomach and waved at the people behind her. “Hiiiii!”
“Oh brother.” Tessa moaned. Rene and Darth Tenebra shrugged and went back to trying to bash each other's heads in with their lightsabers.
Suddenly a podracer crashed through the window. “Hey!” Weaver didn't know Maggie, Meghan DeCinder's little sister, but she was more puzzled by why she was in the driver's seat, wearing a pair of goggles. “I THOUGHT we were doing the trilogy!”
“We are Maggie-hon. We're doing the three GOOD movies.” Rene explained as a wide slash from Tenebra nearly took off his head.
“...There are MORE movies?” Maggie blinked.
“Oh the ignorance of youth.” Rene shook his head sadly. “Yes, sweetie there are.”
“Okay. Then I guess you don't need us, huh?” Maggie indicated herself and her crew, which included Myra with a double-bladed lightsaber and covered in red and black tattoos; and Nigel looking...kinda dopey with fake eye stalks on his head.
Weaver looked at him. “Who're you?”
“Meesa Gar-Gar Nige! Meesa am being so very much glad to see yousa!” Nigel grinned stupidly, clearly on drugs.
Charla the rancor shook her head. “Dream or not, Nigel is SO going to get Rene back for this...”
Rene shrugged. “Well that was the only role for him that came to mind--”
“But whysa alla th' rum gone?” Nigel asked right before an angry Tenebra bopped him with a lightsaber which just went 'BONK!' off his head.
Darth Myra rolled her eyes. She pointed her tail at the hapless Gar-Gar and used the naturally toxic funk of the skunktank to choke him. Nigel gasped and choked. Darth Tenebra just growled. “That's MY bit!” Tenebra force shoved Myra. Myra force shoved back. Then, completely ignoring Rene—the two Dark Lords started fighting each other!
“All we need are a couple of jumpsuits and we can have a Kill Bill reference next.” Tessa's ghost noted.
“We're on it! WARDROBE!” Danny called.
“NO!” Mitch shouted.
“You're pretty good. I can't beat you like this.” Myra ground out as she leaped over a swipe of Tenebra's that would've cut her off at the knees. “But fortunately...I'm NOT left handed!” She switched her saber from her left hand to her right.
A collective groan came up. “Oh come on...” Neve sighed. “TWO Princess Bride references? Like one wasn't enough.”
Myra slashed at Tenebra's head. “So...aren't you gonna announce tha' you no left handed neither?”
Tenebra shook her head. “I don't do cheap jokes.” She narrowed her eyes as she sliced off Myra's left hand. “I FINISH them.” She impaled Myra through the heart.
“....Damn yo.” Myra's eyes rolled up as she fell. Shrugging Darth Tenebra turned back to Rene, slicing at him.
Neve blinked. “We could use a miracle here...Like a scene rewrite!”
“That's our cue! Chaaaarge!” Headlight whooped as she and her pichu army charged in, waving wooden spears and wearing only hoods make of rucksacks.
“Yub! Yub! Chuuuu!”
“Phew! I just flew in from Cloud City Gym and boy...are my arms tired.” Ishtar shrugged as she ran in, firing her blaster.
“...Finally something for me.” Weaver grinned, oddly turned-on.
“Reinforcements! We are being saved!” Sherilyn said. “Which iz more zan can be said for zis scene...”
A pair trio of blue lights appeared in the middle of the throne room, coalescing into three familiar figures.
Karen blinked. “Anthony? Stewart? Stella? What are you doing here?”
“And why the Starfleet costumes?” Charla wondered.
“We're boldly going where no mon has gone before!” Anthony grinned as his arm reached for Stella, who had moved several paces away from him. Stewart snorted.
“Captain dude, that's more like going where EVERY mon has gone before.” The snake said.
“Wrong film you sad sack of purple crap!” Sam called out.
“All right, screw it.” Anthony groaned. Then he picked a light saber out of the props bin. “Okay, write me in!” He activated his lightsaber, which had a purple blade. “Oh yeah! I'm Mace, um, Anthu. Yeah!”
“No he didn't!” Neve snorted.
Nikki observed from her throne. “That can't end well.”
Within seconds a wall of the set exploded open and out of the whole came...Samuel L. Jackson. He stormed over, snatching his lightsaber out of Anthony's hands. “Piss on you...I'M working for George Lucarius!”
“Not in the face!” Anthony squealed as large black fist came hurtling his way. It went low...right into the groin.
“Is THAT better?” Jackson asked.
Anthony shook his head as he toppled over. “...no.” His voice came out as a high squeak.
Stewart took a drag on his cigarette. “Dude...”
“Enough is enough!” Jackson snapped. “I have had it with these mother-fucking snakes on this mother-fucking set!” Then he slugged Stewart in the jaw, laying him out senseless.
Rene's eyes widened. “Wow.” Unfortunately that distracted him long enough for Darth Tenebra to come at him with a horizontal slash. Rene leaped away a split second too late. Half a heartbeat later, his pants had dropped.
“You are unwise to lower your pants.” Tenebra growled. Nicole [Zuna] slapped her forehead.
“Hold it hold it, time out.” She slid out of her manacles and walked over to her pantsless boyfriend. “First off, nice ewok undies. Secondly, why don't *I* take over?” She asked. “You pick up your pants and I'll pick up the lightsaber.”
“But---what do *I* do then?” Rene pouted as he picked up his drawers.
“How about if YOU put on the dress? And I don't know, put your tails into buns?” Nicole suggested. Rene's eyes lit up.
“Sounds good to me! WARDROBE!” He called.
“On it!” The Squirtletroopers shouted. “Huphuphuphuphuphup!” They dashed to the center of the throne room, set up a dividing curtain and waited for Rene and Nicole to exchange outfits. Moments later Nicole was in the Jedi outfit, complete with lightsaber and Rene was in a white dress with his tails folded into buns...frankly no one was surprised.
“Wait, aren't those two siblings? Don't they NOT hook up?” Weaver felt obliged to ask.
“Neither did our characters.” Ishtar shrugged. “Do you want to hook up with one of those two?”
“...Stupid question, forget I asked.” The tapir waved. Nicole activated the lightsaber and came at Tenebra.
“Let's end this!” She shouted.
“I've been waiting for SOMEONE to say that all night.” Weaver commented.
Nicole and Tenebra charged at each other, blades drawn. They leaped into the air, making one slash at the other before landing again. They both landed flawlessly....only Tenebra then fell to her knees, then toppled over.
“Boo-yah!” Nicole pumped her arm. “I win!” She looked to the Empress. “You're next!”
“I don't think so *other* Nicole!” Blackclaw shouted, electricity crackling at her finger tips. “If only you knew the power of the Dark Side...as opposed to the master of the Dork Side over there—” she jerked her thumb at Rene.
“I really like this dress!” He chirped. “But does it make my butt look too big?” He waggled it around.
That's it. THAT was it. Weaver had had enough. “I want out!” She screamed as she grabbed the sides of her head, ignoring the climactic battle between Nicole and the Empress, which Nicole won. Ignoring Rene swooning as he fell into Nicole's arms...ignoring as the movie suddenly went up a few ratings.
Weaver tried to shut it all out. “Wake up!” She shouted at herself. “Just wake up already! If you don't wake up right now Dreamweaver Hipnough I'll...I'll...I'll never talk to you again! You hear me? Your mind will have NOTHING to do with your body again! OR...OR ELSE I'LL DO *THIS* UNTIL YOU WAKE UP AND GET US OUT OF HERE! 'I GET KNOCKED DOWN! BUT I GET UP AGAIN! I GET KNOCKED DOWN--!'”
In her bed, Weaver's eyes bolted up as she sat up with a horrified scream. “--GYAAAAAHHH!!!”
&&&
The next day at school Weaver felt terrible. She couldn't keep her eyes open and had to lean against her locker as she fiddled with the lock. “Weaver, you okay?” Rene asked as he popped up next to her. “You look terrible. You should really try to get some more sleep at night.”
A vein over Weaver's eye twitched. “Grrrrr...”
Sam was having lunch when Rene suddenly shot past her, going faster than she'd ever seen him go before. A surprisingly fast moving Weaver was right behind him, arms outstretched in a throttling motion. “Rene! What did you do?!”
“I don't know!” Rene wailed. “I never know what I do!”
&&&
THE END
Guest appearances by:
Nubia © ebonyleopard
Tuscany, Karen, Anthony, Stewart, Stella, Weaver, Ishtar © KaeMantis
Charla, Maggie, Nigel, Myra, Flo © Kompy/CeeGee
Skylar, Neve, Tessa, Mitzi, Tenebra, Nikki, Sherilyn © Carlito
Headlight © Crossdog367
Jennifer © TheAubri
Nicole, Emily, Squirtle Squad © Asuraludu
Rene, Sam is © to me
Michael Jackson is © to himself. No one else could be.
&&&
Weaver Hipnough was snoring gently when she felt someone disturb her rest. “Weav!” She moaned as she was shaken awake.
“Go 'way...gimme five more minutes...” She mumbled. The shaking grew more insistent. “GAH! All right already!” Her eyes snapped open, seeing just who it was she was know going to kill. Surprise, surprise it was a certain vulpix with gender issues.
“Hurry, Weav! The Imperials will be on us any minute! You have to start the ship so we can take the droids to the princess and save the galaxy!”
“...I DARE you to make less sense.” Weaver sighed as she sat up. Then she looked confused when she saw Rene dressed in a weird white outfit that looked KINDA like a bathrobe only not—and that she was dressed in a white shirt and dark vest and pants outfit. “...Rene!” She accused.
The fox didn't seem to mind her. “The Empire will be here any second now! Start the ship.” Weaver rolled her eyes upwards—only to find that she was sleeping in the cockpit of what certainly LOOKED like a ship. Then she found she was sitting next to gigantic, extruded fur...thing. Weaver was put off by the seven feet of brown fur, but the tusks were a dead giveaway.
Rene appealed to her. “Tubacca?” Tuscany—at least to Weaver that's who it was—gave a sort of honking growl---HRRONK!--and nodded. The huge furry beast punched something into the control panel and Weaver felt a painful lurch in her stomach as the ship took off.
Weaver ran out of the cockpit only to bump into an odd trio in the hallway. “What the hell?!”
“Beep, beep.” A red and blue trashcan with a rounded top warbled. Neve's head popped out a minute later. “I no can breathe in this thin'” She panted.
“Moi sympazees, you 'ave zem.” A golden-plated Sherilyn muttered as she moved stiffly and woodenly.
“I thin' you oughta know, I'm feelin' very depressed.” Neve sighed.
“Zat is ze wrong android and ze wrong sci-fi.” Sherilyn noted.
Weaver looked to the last member of their party, a wheel-chair bound parichisu in a brown robe. “It's vital we get these droids safely to the Princess, Captain.”
Sighing, Weaver shook her head. “--Okay and who would you be?”
“I'm Tessa-wan Relampi, Jedi Knight.” She nodded. “Excuse me, I have to go train young Rene Flamebreather in the ways of the Force.”
“...Of course you do.” Weaver sighed as she leaned against a bulkhead. “Of course you do.”
About an hour later the ship was wracked by turbulence. Weaver was flung into Rene. “What's going on NOW?” She moaned.
“We're caught in a tractor beam!” He shouted. “We're being pulled into...THAT!” He pointed out a view port. The tapir felt her jaw drop as she saw a giant metal pokeball the size of a small moon growing closer and closer.
“...You need to get out more. Seriously.” She moaned. The ship was dragged into the belly of the Death Ball. The crew climbed out to find themselves surrounded by armed soldiers in multicolored armor; red , purple, blue, and orange.
“We're the Squirtletroopers!” The red soldier said. “Put your hands in the air—like you just don't care!”
“Ugh! Who did your wardrobes?” Another said in disgust, this one in orange.
“Don't worry though!” The one in sparkly purple armor gushed. “When we're done you're going to look FAAAABULOUS!”
“Um, aren't we supposed to take them to the throne room?” The orange one asked.
“Spoilsport.” Danny sighed as he pulled off his purple helmet. “Let's go.”
“But I don't have to go.” Rene blinked. Weaver just smacked him upside the head. “OW!!”
“Just take us away.” Weaver begged. “PLEASE!” Soon Weaver, Tuscany, Rene, Tessa, and the two droids were ushered in before the evil ruler of the Galactic Empire. “I shouldn't be surprised.” The drowzee muttered.
“All Hail Empress Blackclaw!” The Squirtletroopers called to the dark figure hidden in a cowled-robe.
Nikki Blackclaw tapped her fingers on the arm of her throne. “Ah, excellent. The Rebels. I have you now. Along with my...other prize.” She gestured towards a captive nidoran, Nicole Zuna, in a white dress chained to the floor.
“The Princess!” Rene blurted out. “I'll save her!”
“I think not.” Nikki snapped. “Apprentice...DEAL with them.”
“Yes...my master.” Out of the shadows stepped the Empress' enforcer, the Dark Lord of the Sith—Darth Tenebra.
“I'll handle this young Flamebreather.” Tessa told Rene as she rolled forward to meet the Sith lightsaber in hand.
“Tessa-wan Relampi...your powers are weak old one. You should not have come back.” Tenebra growled as she ignited her lightsaber.
Tessa snorted. “ 'Old one?' Hey my boobs aren't sagging yet!” She said as she ignited her own lightsaber and rushed at Darth Tenebra. The blades met with a crackle of energy and dazzling display of Force abilities.
“Hey, kid!” Tessa called to Rene. “You better appreciate this.” She shut off her lightsaber just as Tenebra started a wide swing. It cut Tessa down in her chair.
“Noooo!” Rene howled as Weaver wished for a better dialogue. Tessa's body vanished and Rene charged at Darth Tenebra and the Empress, picking up Tessa's lightsaber. “Your evil ends NOW! The Empire is going down.”
“Hardly.” Nikki snapped. “Your surprise attack on my Death Ball isn't as much of a surprise as you think it is.”
Rene blinked and looked at the suddenly beeping Neve. “What is it? Is it a message? Beep once for yes, two for no.”
“Oh, BEEP you chica!” She snapped. “It's a call...I ain'tcho damn secretary!” A blue hologram sprung to life.
“Admiral Fishbar! What is it?” Rene cried out when he saw who it was. Weaver just rubbed her head as Vosa—for some reason with a fishbowl on his head—waved his arms and shouted. “It's a trap! It's a trap!”
Nikki sat back and purred. “And just to make things even more interesting...” She pushed a button on the arm of her throne. The doors burst open as more figures entered.
Rene gasped in what was supposed to be a dramatic gesture. “Weaver look out! It's that bounty hunter that's been after you!”
“Say what?” Weaver turned round just in time to barely avoid getting blasted by some lunatic in armor with a helmet and rocket pack. “Oh that's it!” She reached down to her belt and pulled out a blaster of her own, firing back. She knocked the helmet off her opponent revealing an all-too familiar umbreon.
“Nubia Fett!” Rene exclaimed, apparently taking on the role of narrator. Weaver ignored him and started firing twice as often. Nubia nimbly avoided them and took cover on the far side of the room. But Rene was already pointing out other foes. “Oh no, the rancor!”
“Rar.” Charla said, unenthusiastically as she waved some faux-claws glued over her own as she stood in a monster suit. “This costume is stupid! I don't need a costume!”
“No argument.” Rene quipped. “You're scary enough as is.” Charla growled at him so he promptly hid behind Tenebra. “Sorry! Um, should we get on with the battle?”
Empress Nikki held up a claw. “Just a minute. Bring in the slave girls!”
“Say what?” For reasons yet to be explained.... and will be ignored completely, Jennifer Marine, Floritt Baez, Karen Shiitake, Emily Mentel, Ibtisam al-Scycura, and Skylar Ferroti all arrived in the slave girl outfits from the Hutt's palace and started to dance in the background. “Ooookaaay.” Rene rubbed his eyes.
Flo shrugged. “I dun ask questions, mon. I jest dance!”
“Kinky!” Emily grinned as she started cozying up to Sam. Then she looked to Weaver and waved. “Hey! Nice to see I'm not the only one who likes dropping in on fox-boi's dreams!”
“...You mean you're here by CHOICE?” Weaver looked incredulous. “Why?” Emily started groping Sam's wings.
“Like, it's a great place to hook up with my bunny.” Emily grinned as and Sam started necking. “'Totally messes with the little dudette and lets us hang even when we're both asleep! It's sweet!” Weaver shuddered and wanted to dive into the nearest shower.
Nikki grinned. “Know what time it is?” She called.
“DUEL TIME!” Everybody shouted. Darth Tenebra and Rene took out their lightsabers. With a SNAP-HISS, a red and a blue blade were lit.
“Hello! My name is Rene Firebreather...you killed my mother, prepare to die!” Rene called as he rushed Tenebra. She blocked it easily.
“Tessa never TOLD you what happened to your family, did she?” Tenebra grinned. “Rene...I AM your mother!” Rene's face paled.
“No....no....that can't be true! It's IMPOSSIBLE!” He exclaimed.
“Okay, which one of us said that?” Weaver looked around. “'Cause I know I was sure THINKING it!”
“Reneeeee--!” Tessa's pale-blue ghostly apparition appeared in mid-air. “Yeah, I was gonna mention that....look, why don't you listen to MY old master? Master Yutzi always knows what to say!”
Suddenly a green-skinned ghostly Mitzi appeared...upside down. “Hey, why's everyone standing on the ceiling? And why am I green? Oooh! Am I kermit?”
“No Yutzi.” Tessa rolled her eyes. “You're the great Jedi Master...remember? So make with the great wisdom already!”
Mitzi blinked then thumped her head with the palm of her hand. “Oh yeah! Um...Lemme think...”
“Don't hurt yourself.” Weaver muttered.
“....Now I 'member! Always trust in your forks and you'll win!” Mitzi grinned.
“...Are you sure that wasn't supposed to be 'trust in THE FORCE?' ” Tessa prodded her.
“I'm almost positive it was forks.” Mitzi blinked. “Hey! I'm all pale and translucy! I can stick my hand through me!” Mitzi stuck her hand through her stomach and waved at the people behind her. “Hiiiii!”
“Oh brother.” Tessa moaned. Rene and Darth Tenebra shrugged and went back to trying to bash each other's heads in with their lightsabers.
Suddenly a podracer crashed through the window. “Hey!” Weaver didn't know Maggie, Meghan DeCinder's little sister, but she was more puzzled by why she was in the driver's seat, wearing a pair of goggles. “I THOUGHT we were doing the trilogy!”
“We are Maggie-hon. We're doing the three GOOD movies.” Rene explained as a wide slash from Tenebra nearly took off his head.
“...There are MORE movies?” Maggie blinked.
“Oh the ignorance of youth.” Rene shook his head sadly. “Yes, sweetie there are.”
“Okay. Then I guess you don't need us, huh?” Maggie indicated herself and her crew, which included Myra with a double-bladed lightsaber and covered in red and black tattoos; and Nigel looking...kinda dopey with fake eye stalks on his head.
Weaver looked at him. “Who're you?”
“Meesa Gar-Gar Nige! Meesa am being so very much glad to see yousa!” Nigel grinned stupidly, clearly on drugs.
Charla the rancor shook her head. “Dream or not, Nigel is SO going to get Rene back for this...”
Rene shrugged. “Well that was the only role for him that came to mind--”
“But whysa alla th' rum gone?” Nigel asked right before an angry Tenebra bopped him with a lightsaber which just went 'BONK!' off his head.
Darth Myra rolled her eyes. She pointed her tail at the hapless Gar-Gar and used the naturally toxic funk of the skunktank to choke him. Nigel gasped and choked. Darth Tenebra just growled. “That's MY bit!” Tenebra force shoved Myra. Myra force shoved back. Then, completely ignoring Rene—the two Dark Lords started fighting each other!
“All we need are a couple of jumpsuits and we can have a Kill Bill reference next.” Tessa's ghost noted.
“We're on it! WARDROBE!” Danny called.
“NO!” Mitch shouted.
“You're pretty good. I can't beat you like this.” Myra ground out as she leaped over a swipe of Tenebra's that would've cut her off at the knees. “But fortunately...I'm NOT left handed!” She switched her saber from her left hand to her right.
A collective groan came up. “Oh come on...” Neve sighed. “TWO Princess Bride references? Like one wasn't enough.”
Myra slashed at Tenebra's head. “So...aren't you gonna announce tha' you no left handed neither?”
Tenebra shook her head. “I don't do cheap jokes.” She narrowed her eyes as she sliced off Myra's left hand. “I FINISH them.” She impaled Myra through the heart.
“....Damn yo.” Myra's eyes rolled up as she fell. Shrugging Darth Tenebra turned back to Rene, slicing at him.
Neve blinked. “We could use a miracle here...Like a scene rewrite!”
“That's our cue! Chaaaarge!” Headlight whooped as she and her pichu army charged in, waving wooden spears and wearing only hoods make of rucksacks.
“Yub! Yub! Chuuuu!”
“Phew! I just flew in from Cloud City Gym and boy...are my arms tired.” Ishtar shrugged as she ran in, firing her blaster.
“...Finally something for me.” Weaver grinned, oddly turned-on.
“Reinforcements! We are being saved!” Sherilyn said. “Which iz more zan can be said for zis scene...”
A pair trio of blue lights appeared in the middle of the throne room, coalescing into three familiar figures.
Karen blinked. “Anthony? Stewart? Stella? What are you doing here?”
“And why the Starfleet costumes?” Charla wondered.
“We're boldly going where no mon has gone before!” Anthony grinned as his arm reached for Stella, who had moved several paces away from him. Stewart snorted.
“Captain dude, that's more like going where EVERY mon has gone before.” The snake said.
“Wrong film you sad sack of purple crap!” Sam called out.
“All right, screw it.” Anthony groaned. Then he picked a light saber out of the props bin. “Okay, write me in!” He activated his lightsaber, which had a purple blade. “Oh yeah! I'm Mace, um, Anthu. Yeah!”
“No he didn't!” Neve snorted.
Nikki observed from her throne. “That can't end well.”
Within seconds a wall of the set exploded open and out of the whole came...Samuel L. Jackson. He stormed over, snatching his lightsaber out of Anthony's hands. “Piss on you...I'M working for George Lucarius!”
“Not in the face!” Anthony squealed as large black fist came hurtling his way. It went low...right into the groin.
“Is THAT better?” Jackson asked.
Anthony shook his head as he toppled over. “...no.” His voice came out as a high squeak.
Stewart took a drag on his cigarette. “Dude...”
“Enough is enough!” Jackson snapped. “I have had it with these mother-fucking snakes on this mother-fucking set!” Then he slugged Stewart in the jaw, laying him out senseless.
Rene's eyes widened. “Wow.” Unfortunately that distracted him long enough for Darth Tenebra to come at him with a horizontal slash. Rene leaped away a split second too late. Half a heartbeat later, his pants had dropped.
“You are unwise to lower your pants.” Tenebra growled. Nicole [Zuna] slapped her forehead.
“Hold it hold it, time out.” She slid out of her manacles and walked over to her pantsless boyfriend. “First off, nice ewok undies. Secondly, why don't *I* take over?” She asked. “You pick up your pants and I'll pick up the lightsaber.”
“But---what do *I* do then?” Rene pouted as he picked up his drawers.
“How about if YOU put on the dress? And I don't know, put your tails into buns?” Nicole suggested. Rene's eyes lit up.
“Sounds good to me! WARDROBE!” He called.
“On it!” The Squirtletroopers shouted. “Huphuphuphuphuphup!” They dashed to the center of the throne room, set up a dividing curtain and waited for Rene and Nicole to exchange outfits. Moments later Nicole was in the Jedi outfit, complete with lightsaber and Rene was in a white dress with his tails folded into buns...frankly no one was surprised.
“Wait, aren't those two siblings? Don't they NOT hook up?” Weaver felt obliged to ask.
“Neither did our characters.” Ishtar shrugged. “Do you want to hook up with one of those two?”
“...Stupid question, forget I asked.” The tapir waved. Nicole activated the lightsaber and came at Tenebra.
“Let's end this!” She shouted.
“I've been waiting for SOMEONE to say that all night.” Weaver commented.
Nicole and Tenebra charged at each other, blades drawn. They leaped into the air, making one slash at the other before landing again. They both landed flawlessly....only Tenebra then fell to her knees, then toppled over.
“Boo-yah!” Nicole pumped her arm. “I win!” She looked to the Empress. “You're next!”
“I don't think so *other* Nicole!” Blackclaw shouted, electricity crackling at her finger tips. “If only you knew the power of the Dark Side...as opposed to the master of the Dork Side over there—” she jerked her thumb at Rene.
“I really like this dress!” He chirped. “But does it make my butt look too big?” He waggled it around.
That's it. THAT was it. Weaver had had enough. “I want out!” She screamed as she grabbed the sides of her head, ignoring the climactic battle between Nicole and the Empress, which Nicole won. Ignoring Rene swooning as he fell into Nicole's arms...ignoring as the movie suddenly went up a few ratings.
Weaver tried to shut it all out. “Wake up!” She shouted at herself. “Just wake up already! If you don't wake up right now Dreamweaver Hipnough I'll...I'll...I'll never talk to you again! You hear me? Your mind will have NOTHING to do with your body again! OR...OR ELSE I'LL DO *THIS* UNTIL YOU WAKE UP AND GET US OUT OF HERE! 'I GET KNOCKED DOWN! BUT I GET UP AGAIN! I GET KNOCKED DOWN--!'”
In her bed, Weaver's eyes bolted up as she sat up with a horrified scream. “--GYAAAAAHHH!!!”
&&&
The next day at school Weaver felt terrible. She couldn't keep her eyes open and had to lean against her locker as she fiddled with the lock. “Weaver, you okay?” Rene asked as he popped up next to her. “You look terrible. You should really try to get some more sleep at night.”
A vein over Weaver's eye twitched. “Grrrrr...”
Sam was having lunch when Rene suddenly shot past her, going faster than she'd ever seen him go before. A surprisingly fast moving Weaver was right behind him, arms outstretched in a throttling motion. “Rene! What did you do?!”
“I don't know!” Rene wailed. “I never know what I do!”
&&&
THE END
Guest appearances by:
Nubia © ebonyleopard
Tuscany, Karen, Anthony, Stewart, Stella, Weaver, Ishtar © KaeMantis
Charla, Maggie, Nigel, Myra, Flo © Kompy/CeeGee
Skylar, Neve, Tessa, Mitzi, Tenebra, Nikki, Sherilyn © Carlito
Headlight © Crossdog367
Jennifer © TheAubri
Nicole, Emily, Squirtle Squad © Asuraludu
Rene, Sam is © to me
Michael Jackson is © to himself. No one else could be.
AND also,i beg to some artist make this into a comic or at the least a pic about this.
GammaEradon you should win a prize(like an oscar or something) for doing something as good as this.
Rene just became my favorite PCA character after his dream(that is very similar to one i had some time ago,but whitout the spaceballs).
GammaEradon you should win a prize(like an oscar or something) for doing something as good as this.
Rene just became my favorite PCA character after his dream(that is very similar to one i had some time ago,but whitout the spaceballs).
As proof of your guilt I offer the following into the evidence as Exhibit A: http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Darth_Tenebrous
I TOLD you Tenebra was such a Sith name! :P
I TOLD you Tenebra was such a Sith name! :P
i finaly finished the story (i couldn't finish it last night, power went out and it was 3:30) and i take back my last comment and say this...... *smashes face on desk!* OH MY LORD IN HEAVEN THIS IS TOO MUCH FOR ONE GUY TO HANDLE! ITS CRAZY, ITS FUNNY ITS... ITS.... *drops dead* its awsome
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