sometimes we make decisions we regret, maybe it's because of my autism or maybe it's something else but i can never forget those decisions, they are burned into my mind and every time i go to bed i re-live one of those times.

but maybe what i need to do is confront them, stop trying to shun them to the back of my mind and i can only think of one way to confront them, spend an hour or more drawing them, remembering every little detail and then admitting to my mistakes by showing them to anyone who will look.

This is the first memory.

I dated the most beautiful girl i had ever seen, her fursona was a black cat and we had met through a friend of ours. we became friends shortly after.
After a few months of hanging out and having fun i came over hers to hang out but i found her crying, i asked her what was wrong and she had recently gone through a breakup and felt like nobody wanted her.

I could only think of one thing that could make her happy, i said "Nonsense! you are the most beautiful girl i have ever seen, you're cheerful and full of life and i would love nothing more than to take you out and show you that you are loved"

she took that as "i want to date you" whereas i actually just wanted to make her laugh and have fun, we went to the amusements and then went to a restaurant to have a meal that's when she said "this was the best date i have ever been on" and i froze, it wasn't supposed to be a date and i didn't know what to say but i didn't want her to cry again so i said "yeah me too"

we went out again and again and eventually i did actually fall for her, i loved her little qwerks and her laugh... among other things of course.

eventually we decided to take it to the next step, now being intimate with each other i had felt like there was nothing that could break us apart... months went by, years even and finally i asked her to marry me, she said yes and that night i took her to my friends Nightclub (that's the pic) and we danced and had fun, when i told my friend we were engaged he jumped up on the DJ booth and stopped the music, he then told the entire audience about us, we had a cheer and clap.

two months later we were preparing the wedding and i made a horrible mistake, i thought that now we were getting married we should be honest with each other, and i told her this story. about how i didn't want to date her at first but fell in love with her later on... she took it pretty bad... i wont go into detail about what she said or what she did but it was obvious that she hated me for it.

and that's the first mistake in this series.
(yes the wedding was called off and she moved away, i haven't seen her since)