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Well, FA needed some love... By me. This was vent art. I'm all better now, thanks to evareh bodeeeh..... People are cool. I think. But is you wanna read what I wrote... Here. Just note that I'M ALL BETTER NOW.
--
I learned that I am a very tragic and broken person. Well, I known that for a long time. But, after analyzing my life, it pretty much is the definition of tragedy. Like the really stupid ones. Yes, I'm very fortunate to be in a "good" house hold, but sometimes, good can be bad. There are expectations, and the pressure of having one's own "good" household one day... Morals, and abiding by rules... Yeah, it may be really dumb complaining about this, but I am. I am because those rules made me who I am today.
To my family, I am just some mental wad... Not living up to expectations... Not being able to be something great while I live. Being an artist in my household is like saying I'm going to be basically dead. They don't really believe that art can help get on with life... That it's not a "important" job. They also hate it when I show my emotions of hate, anger, excitement... They expect everyone to be perfect. They expect me to be perfect. But I can't be. I can never be perfect. They don't believe in my emotions, or my future. They wanted me to play by the rules like everyone else... Wanted me to be exactly like them... "Perfect".
But I never want to be like them. I want to be who I am. I want to create my own character. It makes me the black sheep, because everyone is going the opposite way from me. Those rules actually convinced me when I was a little kid... I was so unhappy... I didn't understand that I was unhappy, but I felt mostly empty. I was lifeless. Following rules like they would kill me, not being able to feel emotions of my own... Not being able to be scared of anything... It's terrible... But I changed. I wanted to show emotion, I wanted to be something that I believed I could be, someone who can be themselves. But "friends" quickly left, and my family hated me for a while... Everyone hated how I acted... How "new" I became... They just wanted the old kid back. They wanted me to follow everything again, so there wouldn't be any disorder. But I couldn't do that. Being myself was, and is, freedom I craved for. But being who I was, quickly destroyed part of my life.
Being hated... Bullied by most of everyone... Being alone... It hurt so much... It hurts so much... I became alone, scared, and jaded. I considered killing myself to end it... People say that suicide are people who are weak... Who can't ask for help... Who don't work hard enough to get better.
Suicide is for the weak because some can't ask for help... Some are afraid to. Something ties them down and they can't escape it as easily as others say. It's like asking for the impossible for them. They are weak. Sometimes, they're too weak to help themselves. They can't just reach out as easily as others to ask for help.
Well... For me... I am weak... I tried to commit suicide... Many times... It hurts to know though... Some people will still see that act as an act of selfishness... Some will only know me for who I was in their head, not who I really was... And it hurts to know... That I will be leaving someone who is searching for me... It also hurts that I will be alone...
But of course, I failed multiple times... Afraid. I don't really know what I was afraid of.... Maybe death... I don't know... It hurts to be alone...
Well, I'm not alone. I have really great friends... Really close friends... Friends that understand who I am... But... It's only a handful of them... I'm still happy about that though... They understand that I'm afraid of many pointless things... That I like what ever floats my boat... They accepted me for being some freaky weirdo who reads weird stuff.
I smile for them. I'm happy because I get to be with them, I get to talk to them, I get to show my emotions to those people. I get to be myself. These people are very important to me... This may sound very ridiculous and stupid, but, this is the truth. My friends help me get through the day. without them, I would just be broken. But I have them, so I still work. I'm very happy with my friends who understand me... They are my inspiration and will to make me keep going. I'm still here because of them. So I thank them. And I thank the people who really do care.
--
Well, that took a while... I'm never going to show this to anyone in rl. I just can't. I didn't even want to put this up... But I did... So yeah.. If you read this all, congrats on reading the ramblings of a kid complaining.
Don't steal this picture, or I'll freakin kill you. It may look like total trash to you and easy to steal, but it means a lot to me. Even if it does look terrible to most people.
--
Yeah, WELL. THIS IS FANTASTIC. I feel so active on Fa now. Proud of mahselflolnotreallyit'snotevenafurrypleaseforgiveme
(C)Titanious
--
I learned that I am a very tragic and broken person. Well, I known that for a long time. But, after analyzing my life, it pretty much is the definition of tragedy. Like the really stupid ones. Yes, I'm very fortunate to be in a "good" house hold, but sometimes, good can be bad. There are expectations, and the pressure of having one's own "good" household one day... Morals, and abiding by rules... Yeah, it may be really dumb complaining about this, but I am. I am because those rules made me who I am today.
To my family, I am just some mental wad... Not living up to expectations... Not being able to be something great while I live. Being an artist in my household is like saying I'm going to be basically dead. They don't really believe that art can help get on with life... That it's not a "important" job. They also hate it when I show my emotions of hate, anger, excitement... They expect everyone to be perfect. They expect me to be perfect. But I can't be. I can never be perfect. They don't believe in my emotions, or my future. They wanted me to play by the rules like everyone else... Wanted me to be exactly like them... "Perfect".
But I never want to be like them. I want to be who I am. I want to create my own character. It makes me the black sheep, because everyone is going the opposite way from me. Those rules actually convinced me when I was a little kid... I was so unhappy... I didn't understand that I was unhappy, but I felt mostly empty. I was lifeless. Following rules like they would kill me, not being able to feel emotions of my own... Not being able to be scared of anything... It's terrible... But I changed. I wanted to show emotion, I wanted to be something that I believed I could be, someone who can be themselves. But "friends" quickly left, and my family hated me for a while... Everyone hated how I acted... How "new" I became... They just wanted the old kid back. They wanted me to follow everything again, so there wouldn't be any disorder. But I couldn't do that. Being myself was, and is, freedom I craved for. But being who I was, quickly destroyed part of my life.
Being hated... Bullied by most of everyone... Being alone... It hurt so much... It hurts so much... I became alone, scared, and jaded. I considered killing myself to end it... People say that suicide are people who are weak... Who can't ask for help... Who don't work hard enough to get better.
Suicide is for the weak because some can't ask for help... Some are afraid to. Something ties them down and they can't escape it as easily as others say. It's like asking for the impossible for them. They are weak. Sometimes, they're too weak to help themselves. They can't just reach out as easily as others to ask for help.
Well... For me... I am weak... I tried to commit suicide... Many times... It hurts to know though... Some people will still see that act as an act of selfishness... Some will only know me for who I was in their head, not who I really was... And it hurts to know... That I will be leaving someone who is searching for me... It also hurts that I will be alone...
But of course, I failed multiple times... Afraid. I don't really know what I was afraid of.... Maybe death... I don't know... It hurts to be alone...
Well, I'm not alone. I have really great friends... Really close friends... Friends that understand who I am... But... It's only a handful of them... I'm still happy about that though... They understand that I'm afraid of many pointless things... That I like what ever floats my boat... They accepted me for being some freaky weirdo who reads weird stuff.
I smile for them. I'm happy because I get to be with them, I get to talk to them, I get to show my emotions to those people. I get to be myself. These people are very important to me... This may sound very ridiculous and stupid, but, this is the truth. My friends help me get through the day. without them, I would just be broken. But I have them, so I still work. I'm very happy with my friends who understand me... They are my inspiration and will to make me keep going. I'm still here because of them. So I thank them. And I thank the people who really do care.
--
Well, that took a while... I'm never going to show this to anyone in rl. I just can't. I didn't even want to put this up... But I did... So yeah.. If you read this all, congrats on reading the ramblings of a kid complaining.
Don't steal this picture, or I'll freakin kill you. It may look like total trash to you and easy to steal, but it means a lot to me. Even if it does look terrible to most people.
--
Yeah, WELL. THIS IS FANTASTIC. I feel so active on Fa now. Proud of mahselflolnotreallyit'snotevenafurrypleaseforgiveme
(C)Titanious
Category Artwork (Traditional) / Human
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 946 x 1280px
File Size 106.4 kB
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