as i walk this earth for twenty one years later
i still find no place to call home
as i drift further away
the desecration of my self was there
the self discrimination
thy inner hate
iv chased all these lies
and yet i find myself
fighting this war all alone
was it the killing fields for me
barking up a trigger of a loaded gun
left gods fallen son
all i did was fight and fight is it time to let go
desolation of the soul
a terminal disease
pray for suicide
yet theres still hope inside
for my fallen disciple
and thy valentine
thats brought me true happiness in life
my life and thy gift has been raped of me
the molestation and thy hate
can i find the purging of myself and thy fallen
i finally came to peace after my suicide
but watching you fall down the same road
brings tears to my eyes
while the desolation of bitter pills enter your maw
it slowly eradicates you day by day
leaving the fallen in damnation arms
knowing the peace ill never find
the children i could never help nor find safety
im sorry that i could not protect you to the fullest
and this so called god was never there
all i can say is iv never had a true home
its been raped out of me and so has thy soul
have i been damned and about thy fallen
will they have the love and care and a place to call home
iv never dug my grave but this god dug it for me
while burning my candles from both ends
all i find is a casket in the end
all i have to ask is what have i done
were in this world did i come from
to deserve this torment
the thoughtless
the selfless
the big heart
i have
will it ever be enough
and all these emotion and past trauma
be repressed from annihilation of thy rest
yet my heart is not jaded but at same time is it or not
all i ever wanted was to please and take care of you and thy fallen
all i wanted was to be king and to have a future
to take care of what was raped out of you and me
then maybe i wouldnt feel this worthless or so discarded
just to feel good enough to take care of thy family
yet im just another suppressed psychiatric chemical russian roulette problem
on disability will this be the end of me
please let this change and let me out of this cage
and let me spread thy fine wings and sing this song in vain
or you can bury me into thy fire
and just forget about me because
this deterioration is to real and desecrated in me
as im absorbed by the suicide king
so i know i can rest in peace