Nice, quite a bit like mine.. do you plan on making it longer or more chapters?

nah. it was done for a quest, but no one even bothered to reveiw it or rate it. i just posted it here in hopes of a breakdown reveiw.

hmm, interesting

Well, as I already told you on messenger. It is a good start but could certainly use improvement.

For starters,the run on sentences got...well, they really ran on for some time at some points. Also the transformation sequence was nice, and worded pretty fluently, but it lacks the description to catch one's imagination. Try finding some words to replace others in order to describe it in a much more bold sort of way. It is a surprising, horror type of scene, thus it should portrayed in such a way.

The last thing I will nit pick is, that when you describe the characters surroundings and the visual aspects, you seemed to only give just enough detail and insight to appease the reader. Yet not enough to draw them in, to make them seriously be drawn in to the surroundings. Things like, smell, sight, sound, emotional aspects, physical aspects, mental aspects, etc. etc. They all play a big part in drawing in your audience.

Just know that, when you write, you want the reader to be drawn by your words, to be pulled as if they MUST know what happens, or what is happening presently. you don't need to write things mingling with their interest, you just have to know what you can use to your advantage to catch their attention.