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Related to how im feeling lately...
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"Shows" should be "wears, bears, adorns." Since this writing is on a parchment and in nice cursive it should match the poet tone. too many Its and ins, I only provide this critique because I see a wealth of potential, you have some good emotion, just needs a bit more. Of course I realize you're in the process of editing, just tossing my 2 cents at you.