Ok this time I tried to improve a little, first by not writing when I was tired and I tried explaining the scenes a bit more in detail but I still think its crap.
This is a story I wanted to write about a week or so ago but held it off because my writing sucks but hey might as well give you enough examples to prove to you that it does. I'm going to give you a short preview of the story and if you like it and want me to continue this I will....but if you don't Ill just delete it. but now that I think about it, no one will view this
Anyways, looking forward to what you think