I like the simplicity of it, but I admit I'd like to see just a touch more detail -- it feels like you could add two more short lines before "My every day" without losing the flow.

Then again, I'm heavily biased toward poetry that deals in specific images and details, so take that with a grain of salt. >^_^<

Hey, poetry is one of the most subjective forms of art there is. Look at William Carlos Williams, for crying out loud. He wrote about plums in the icebox and for some reason it remains one of my favorites. It's not criticism as much as an educated discussion.

But, you have to admit, she does have a valid point. Plus, I'm getting the feeling my professor wouldn't frown on more detail & specific imagery.

Will have to think long-n-hard about this...

One of the most difficult balancing acts in poetry, IMO, is writing something only you could write, something based on your own unique experiences and surroundings, while still ending up with something that others can relate to and identify with. Personally, I find it easier to identify with specifics, even if the details are a little different from what I've experienced. I feel like, if a hundred other people could have written the poem in question, then what's the point? One has to be vague in things like song lyrics and greeting cards, but poetry is a different animal, I think. >^_^<

I mean, William Carlos Williams didn't just say "I ate that food you were probably saving." Instead, he gave us the plums to taste... Simplicity of language doesn't necessarily mean generality of imagery.

I'm starting to gather ideas for what needs to be in my possible poetry panel at Mephit, so I've been thinking about this sort of thing again after a long hiatus from poetry... >^_^<

...you already know what I think, puppy. I was there when you read it to me!

*rowrf* Good stuff, if a bit short!

*smiles and gives him a hug....

V.

I like. :)

Short. Interesting. Even a bit sad. I liked it. Nice little poem.