FA+
Shop
878
Views
Views
101
Favorites
Favorites
Category
All / All
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 1100 x 780
File Size 414.9 kB
Report this content
More from Capreolus
Some days I just want to take the bicycle, find a decent hill and slam into a concreet wall at full speed.
I can't get away from the fact that I hate myself. I can't forgive my own mistakes. I rehearse the things I've done wrong again and again in my mind. The longer I live - the more mistakes I make; the more mistakes being rehearesd in my head - the less resources left over for other tasks. Then I start to hate myself for not being able to think as clearly... It's an endless loop of -input-amp-output-input-amp..., like the annoying ring you get when speaking too loud into a microphone.
It's a bit of a problem, since it leads to depression and suicidal thoughts I've been having since 5 years of age or so. I'm used to them, but life still feels empty and useless on those kind of days. Good thing continuing to live is also a form of suicide. Probably the most "interesting" kind.
I got upset about missing some assignment deadlines and taking up work due to which I'll have to miss even more. (And seems I'll have to handle the 2nd all-nighter in a row.)
I can't say "no" to those who ask. (Fuckin' idiot.) I try being mizanthropic and blaming it on other people, but it doesn't work - still I'm clearly the culprit.
[series description]
I can't get away from the fact that I hate myself. I can't forgive my own mistakes. I rehearse the things I've done wrong again and again in my mind. The longer I live - the more mistakes I make; the more mistakes being rehearesd in my head - the less resources left over for other tasks. Then I start to hate myself for not being able to think as clearly... It's an endless loop of -input-amp-output-input-amp..., like the annoying ring you get when speaking too loud into a microphone.
It's a bit of a problem, since it leads to depression and suicidal thoughts I've been having since 5 years of age or so. I'm used to them, but life still feels empty and useless on those kind of days. Good thing continuing to live is also a form of suicide. Probably the most "interesting" kind.
I got upset about missing some assignment deadlines and taking up work due to which I'll have to miss even more. (And seems I'll have to handle the 2nd all-nighter in a row.)
I can't say "no" to those who ask. (Fuckin' idiot.) I try being mizanthropic and blaming it on other people, but it doesn't work - still I'm clearly the culprit.
[series description]
Category All / All
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 1100 x 780px
File Size 414.9 kB
I do know the feeling, I have been there, many times. There was something i heard once from well, an AWFUL motivational speaker, one actual little gem: The successful fail far more then failures.
Sometimes some of us never quite hit the target, it might not lead to fame, fortune, enlightenment, or whatever we might envy the greatest of us for, but it takes us on a path that is our own.
Sometimes some of us never quite hit the target, it might not lead to fame, fortune, enlightenment, or whatever we might envy the greatest of us for, but it takes us on a path that is our own.
Here you've managed an interesting mix; you've got the background in all sorts of subtle hues and the foreground is pretty much monochromatic, with both colors slightly complimentary. The line-like qualities of the strokes are really compelling and look very decisive and sure. You've managed the minimal typography better; it fits more into the composition than stands out. I love the molded quality of this, as if you're sculpting with digital paint. Really quite lovely.
Many thanks for the comment again!
(I did kind of cheat with colors here - it was fully saturated in places, but by the end of the picture i halfed the saturation of the entire picture. It was interesting to note that doing that offers a different viewpoint, like fliping the picture horisontaly.)
(I did kind of cheat with colors here - it was fully saturated in places, but by the end of the picture i halfed the saturation of the entire picture. It was interesting to note that doing that offers a different viewpoint, like fliping the picture horisontaly.)
Yes, I learn to be tense, inhibited and avoid socialising, since that's where most mistakes happen. (Talk about useful.)
I do know what suicide feels like to those around - it's quite popular over here, I've known 2 people who commited suicide (including my mother) personaly and can't really remember how many friends of friends i've just heard about. Usually the one commiting suicide doesn't care for how those around will be affected, because he/she feels they don't care anyhow.
Suicide is just stupid and illogical. Well, it depends, but 99,9% of the time it is so.
I have ways dealing with these thoughts (like by commiting suicide again and again by continuing to live. I'm just lazy - why kill myself if I'll die anyhow?). Then when these thoughts pass, life is ok again. I don't trust myself at any given moment - even dry logical reasoning depends on emotions ALOT, and when those become messed up, everything gets blown out of proportion, reasoning becomes absurd and can't be taken for granted. It's important to realise and remind oneself that while in depression.
I do know what suicide feels like to those around - it's quite popular over here, I've known 2 people who commited suicide (including my mother) personaly and can't really remember how many friends of friends i've just heard about. Usually the one commiting suicide doesn't care for how those around will be affected, because he/she feels they don't care anyhow.
Suicide is just stupid and illogical. Well, it depends, but 99,9% of the time it is so.
I have ways dealing with these thoughts (like by commiting suicide again and again by continuing to live. I'm just lazy - why kill myself if I'll die anyhow?). Then when these thoughts pass, life is ok again. I don't trust myself at any given moment - even dry logical reasoning depends on emotions ALOT, and when those become messed up, everything gets blown out of proportion, reasoning becomes absurd and can't be taken for granted. It's important to realise and remind oneself that while in depression.
Most likely I don't, they just creep into my head on their own. They're annoyances, I don't care about them, but I can't avoid them. Like silly songs of christmas specials and kiddy shows - those that you can't get out of your head no matter how hard you try. :]
(English isn't my mother tongue, etiher.)
(English isn't my mother tongue, etiher.)
Apparently. English ain't my mother tongue too. Anyways ...
The artwork is splendid! Yes, it looks sculpted and it works for your intentions! It's just stunning. You couldn't produce such work without these emotions right? Artists thrive in turbulent emotions. But ...
Listen to a happy songs and draw baby animals. That'll barricade those unhappy thoughts. Melancholia is pretty much internal. The physical world and the world around you is not responsible for how you're feeling inside (assuming you're not living in a warzone or disaster-ridden country). So the only way to switch off those negative feelings and thoughts is to do things that make you happy. I often draw happy things and show 'em to some people. Their smiling faces make me happy. The trick is to feel happy, really feeling it, whenever an unhappy thought attacks.
The artwork is splendid! Yes, it looks sculpted and it works for your intentions! It's just stunning. You couldn't produce such work without these emotions right? Artists thrive in turbulent emotions. But ...
Listen to a happy songs and draw baby animals. That'll barricade those unhappy thoughts. Melancholia is pretty much internal. The physical world and the world around you is not responsible for how you're feeling inside (assuming you're not living in a warzone or disaster-ridden country). So the only way to switch off those negative feelings and thoughts is to do things that make you happy. I often draw happy things and show 'em to some people. Their smiling faces make me happy. The trick is to feel happy, really feeling it, whenever an unhappy thought attacks.
Thank you. Yes, bad emotions are better that none at all. Artwise - most certainly.
"Listen to a happy songs and draw baby animals."
Oh god... ugh!.. You just want to see me suffer, don't you? :]
I can't swallow cuteness, atleast not yet. I'd have to draw 10 more "suicide venting" pictures like this after drawing one cute big-eyed freak. (Yes, I'd make a very lousy children book illustrator.)
Though thank you for the advice. Much appreciated!
"Listen to a happy songs and draw baby animals."
Oh god... ugh!.. You just want to see me suffer, don't you? :]
I can't swallow cuteness, atleast not yet. I'd have to draw 10 more "suicide venting" pictures like this after drawing one cute big-eyed freak. (Yes, I'd make a very lousy children book illustrator.)
Though thank you for the advice. Much appreciated!
Comments