the song is good

thx

Ok, not a bad song overall, but here is some advice from me (a composer and performer with a bachelors of music in both of those fields) about future songwriting.

You had a nice simple intro, which was good for the song, but may not work good for every song out there. The guitar seemed to stay very drab throughout, which could just be that the guitarist isn't inexperienced enough in the instrument and its techniques/styles do do anything more than a strum of {1 2+ +4} rhythms during the lyric verses. As for the drums, I assume they were synthesized drums? They sounded quite electronic in how they reacted, seeing as how drums will react differently even if hit in the same place twice (especially cymbals). A good substitute in case you lack an actual percussionist in your ensemble.

Now the lyrics. Very nice poetry, however I felt that the verses starting with "Taking" were almost rushed in the song's recording. They just seemed like "I have to say this fast or it will never work" to me. Also, not a bad melodic line. The phrase and tonal range was quite narrow, which works well for easy listening and pop-ish genres in today's music world. The biggest complaint I have about the lyrics/singing was the lack of resolve on the end of your lyric phrases/choruses. Perhaps in the future try ending on the dominant chord of your key (the V chord) or perhaps a dim7 or a V7 with the leading tone holding the listener to your song until you resolve it with the next idea. People tend to like things that resolve onto palatable and aurally pleasing pitches.

Also, don't be afraid to just sing (if the singer was you). Your voice sounded strained, as if you were holding back slightly from just letting the lyrics flow naturally. Good breath support does wonders for this and remember when you are going up for higher notes in your vocal range to almost "tilt your head down" because it helps to relax your voice in order to sing easier and freer in your upper vocal register without shifting to your falsetto range.

Overall, I like the poetry and lyrics, the melody was good, and the music can improve, but good work! I hope to hear some more of your works in the future! :3

I feel bad for the original comment, I am very sorry.

nice nice...original.

Yawn....... Not that its bad its just seems so boring.

What happened to your creative side?

it falls apart whens there's no one to love

Good song.