We're quite grateful for your amazing artwork donations, sir, and the park appreciates it endlessly, but. eh... do they have to be so anatomically correct beneath the tunics? Your eye for detail is earning us some nasty letters. No, sir, not rude or complaining - just nasty.

We'd request that you stick with kneeling poses, but our night watchmen are already stretched thin. Cleaning the face of the "Wendy" statue every night is starting to make her natural patina look out of place.

Their faces? You can't be looking in the right place then ... and it can't be bronze Peters that are responsible. I'd blame it on Bronies but they're all busy over at the Petting Zoo.

About that - would you have to insert some "lost-wax" plug to make a petrified victim... er... usable? It'd need to be fairly large. They'd notice. I mean, maybe you could alter them afterward with some sort of tool: http://oglaf.com/cavalcade/

Aaand now I'm wondering if anyone makes stainless steel fleshlights for the Pygmalion crowd. It'd have to be a close fit.

You may have lost me there ... the extended metaphors have become a little too extended. Maybe it's as well. (What the heck is a stainless steel fleshlight?)

I'm wondering if fucking a statue is really plausible. I couldn't find any examples of male sex toys that are rigid. There may be a strange little market for them.

I've heard that people have been arrested for trying. How much a progress they made I have no idea.

A perfect use for that spoiled brat.

You wouldn't find me in Neverneverland chatting up Peter ... I'd spend most of my time with Wendy or Tink ... or even Captain Hook.

Being a statue is hard.