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Fate's Cold Hand Part 1 Chapter 2
Enter the furries. The main protagonist in this segment is human (sorry) but the entire supporting cast is zoomorphic. The MC comes to, unsure of his surroundings, and finds himself in the care of a boar named Horacio.
The first part of this project can be found here:
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/986438/
As I mentioned earlier, this is a project I am working on, and would like to share. It's a bit-by-bit story I'm doing, and aim to post one part every week. When the story is done, I'm gonna put the whole thing together with illos. and everything.
I've been going on recently about getting with artists and musicians and working on this project, well, here it is. What I'ma do is post the pieces here a bit early, and let folks read them and get inspired (if you like) Well, then, if someone comes up with an illo to go with it, I'll format that into the story, and publish it on my website. Songs will also go on the site, and contributers will be credited and linked and everything.
So, you know, this is a way for all of us to help each other out :) Anyway, this is he first piece of the story. I think I'll try and doodle something for it, but if anyone comes up with anything, please let me know. Kay?
The first part of this project can be found here:
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/986438/
As I mentioned earlier, this is a project I am working on, and would like to share. It's a bit-by-bit story I'm doing, and aim to post one part every week. When the story is done, I'm gonna put the whole thing together with illos. and everything.
I've been going on recently about getting with artists and musicians and working on this project, well, here it is. What I'ma do is post the pieces here a bit early, and let folks read them and get inspired (if you like) Well, then, if someone comes up with an illo to go with it, I'll format that into the story, and publish it on my website. Songs will also go on the site, and contributers will be credited and linked and everything.
So, you know, this is a way for all of us to help each other out :) Anyway, this is he first piece of the story. I think I'll try and doodle something for it, but if anyone comes up with anything, please let me know. Kay?
Category Story / Human
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 120 x 120px
File Size 66.1 kB
I stumbled on the third full paragraph: 'Multitudinous tentically' is just silly. :) I can se a character saying that, but the narrator? That's just mean! I was imagining squid, or tassels. Since the pasta is relevant, a longer description of it might be nice, just to be fair to the reader.
'Tucks himself in'...the only interpretation for this that I know of is what you do with shirts...this means something that I can't figure out. Has a nice home?
'Smelled of swine'...I don't know what swine smells like, except for cooking. Perhaps describe the smell? Granted, I don't know how one can really describe odors except with metaphor, but at least take a stab at it?
Paragraph six, 'Females of any number of species chattering...' makes a lot of leaps. It's a summary, not a description--what do females of many different species sound like? Granted, as a furry fan I can imagine this, but as a furry fan I also want to hear it described. :)
'chattering' isn't necessaraly 'talking in words that the protagonist understands'; which I infer is the case, but that's just a guess.
Also, this is the first place we see anthro humanoids. (well, hear) As people from a world that dosen't have such things, I anticipte that we're looking curiously for what the human's reaction is. Suprise? Dull familiarity? Hatred? Since we later see that the character has lost his memory, that would explain why he may not even know what his reaction is, but I'd think that the reader would want some sort of cue. Perhaps the character wondering if he'd ever heard voices that bleat-y, or wondering if that was familiar or just strange.
IC, having a memory-losse-ed character just meander through things unquestioningly makes sense, but the reader is there too and is accustomed to having his questions acknowledged if not immediately answered.
'Tucks himself in'...the only interpretation for this that I know of is what you do with shirts...this means something that I can't figure out. Has a nice home?
'Smelled of swine'...I don't know what swine smells like, except for cooking. Perhaps describe the smell? Granted, I don't know how one can really describe odors except with metaphor, but at least take a stab at it?
Paragraph six, 'Females of any number of species chattering...' makes a lot of leaps. It's a summary, not a description--what do females of many different species sound like? Granted, as a furry fan I can imagine this, but as a furry fan I also want to hear it described. :)
'chattering' isn't necessaraly 'talking in words that the protagonist understands'; which I infer is the case, but that's just a guess.
Also, this is the first place we see anthro humanoids. (well, hear) As people from a world that dosen't have such things, I anticipte that we're looking curiously for what the human's reaction is. Suprise? Dull familiarity? Hatred? Since we later see that the character has lost his memory, that would explain why he may not even know what his reaction is, but I'd think that the reader would want some sort of cue. Perhaps the character wondering if he'd ever heard voices that bleat-y, or wondering if that was familiar or just strange.
IC, having a memory-losse-ed character just meander through things unquestioningly makes sense, but the reader is there too and is accustomed to having his questions acknowledged if not immediately answered.
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