How exactly do I say this to a person who has made her intentions of never seeing/speaking to me again? I was young and stupid when I made the mistakes I had made and the hurt I had caused her. And it's only been recently that I realized what a stupid idiot I had been.

I miss that girl from high school. I miss the amazingly fun times we had afterwords. I miss the closeness that we had. The girl I considered a sister above all others. The one who always tried to give me exactly what I wanted no matter what it cost her.

The sad part is, I really believed that she was responsible for the loss of a job over a year ago. It took me months to sit down, look it over, and say to myself "Why would she do that to me? She would never." But it was too late. I saw the look in her eyes when she told me to get out just a few months ago. I tried to play it off as cool and uncaring, but in all actuality, it broke my heart. Even now I feel the stabbing pains in my heart. I miss her. I miss what she was to me.

Because I thought she was responsible for me losing this job well over a year ago, I said hurtful and mean things. I don't really remember most of them, but they were mean and hurtful none the less. I know better than anyone else the kind of person I used to be at that point. If someone hurt me or I thought they hurt me, I would use any means necessary to make them feel what I had felt. Usually it was just words. Meaningless words. I hurt a person who meant the world to me. A person who was there for me through so much, and I treated her horribly. Years worth of friendship destroyed with just a few of my stupid arrogant mean words.

I know she's the kind of person who will hold a grudge till the end. I already well expect this. But I know that I was the one who was wrong. I've grown up enough to see that.

Man...I miss that dragonmutt.