So this is it. A goodbye.

I’ve tried every way possible to rationalize staying, but I simply can’t anymore. It’s a new year, and I need a clean slate. I know a lot of people will be angry about this decision, but this is for my own well-being—and for my animals and my family.

The last five years have been hell.

I’m not sorry for the good times I had, or even for the problems I caused. What I am sorry for is the pain I caused others, and that some people ever met me at all.

I love you all deeply, and I truly appreciate the support I was given.

But I have to face my demons, and I can’t allow anything to drag me back to the place that hurt me so badly in the first place. I will still own my OCs, and I may still be active on VRChat, games, etc.—but only those I trust and personally choose will ever see that.

I’ve deleted, or plan to delete, all of my social media. I want to vanish—something I probably should have done back in 2021, when the internet first broke me.

As much as I enjoy being part of communities and sharing my work and interests, none of that is worth sacrificing my healing. If participating in fandoms and being visible causes me pain, then it isn’t worth it.

I still don’t fully understand what I did to deserve the level of hate I’ve received, and I likely never will. I’ve stated my reasons, disproven lies, and explained my side more times than I can count. At this point, I don’t feel the need to repeat myself when no one is listening anyway.

That’s what it feels like—especially after being ostracized from a community I once ran.

Evoid is now under the ownership of The Invisible Davis. I am not allowed back, and won’t be until I “fix some of my problems,” despite the fact that I was only defending myself.

It hurts. All of this started because I wanted Davis to understand who was banned before and why. I was honest about my past—about my exes, my history, my beware—because I thought transparency mattered.

Imagine looking up to someone for their voice acting, someone huge in the fandom you once called home, only to watch them take control of a server you built… and then be locked out of it entirely. Not even knowing how they or the TSBS team truly feel about you.

On top of that came accusations, third-party claims from people who don’t know me, harassment, stalking, doxxing, and real death threats sent anonymously.

I’m hurt. I feel betrayed. I am alone. And I am tired.

So this is a goodbye—and a notice.

My TOS has always allowed me to cancel commissions without notice or refund, originally intended for situations like injury or emergencies. I believe this situation qualifies.

I have relapsed. The longer I remain in the public eye, the worse it gets.

Since 2021, all I wanted was to feel at home in a community again. I had that—for a few months. Then it was taken from me by people who thought they were better.

I’m not a victim. I’m not a villain. I’m just as hurt as everyone else.

And I’m sorry for everything I ever caused.

As of now:

My old Toyhouse is abandoned

My old email (willobonez@gmail.com) will be deleted after transfers

My FurAffinity will be deleted in a few weeks

My Bluesky is gone

My Discord is scheduled for deletion once things are settled

I will not be refunding commissions. My Ko-fi will remain up, along with a copy of my TOS that has always stated my right to cancel without refund.

I no longer enjoy art.
I haven’t picked up a pen with the intent to draw since Evoid. Creating feels like walking through concrete.

I cannot promise worthwhile work when I don’t love it anymore.

So I will not be finishing outstanding commissions, and I will not be issuing refunds.

But—

I will offer vouchers. If one, two, or even three years from now I return, you can choose to receive either your art or your money back.

Right now, I need freedom. Freedom from obligation. Freedom from pain. Freedom from community, fandom, art, and commissions.

I need to focus on myself. My life. My future. And my animals.

Is that too much to ask?

I don’t think so.

So farewell. Thank you for the good times.

— Ash