i look back on my life during these seven months and i think, i should be happy, my transition is doing well, im managing to cover my meds, ive even gotten a job to keep my mind off things, i should be happy right? i think i should be but all i find my self doing when i have free time is thinking about my ex, remembering her, missing her.

missing the good times she and i had, i wish i could tell her how sorry i am, how much i regret letting my issues get to me, coming in-between her and i.. i love you booka, i will now and forever, till the day this wolf takes her final breath.

7 months and my pain, the emptiness i feel inside is still as vast. i know i should be happy, my master makes me happy for a time, i know he loves me, it seems at times i dont understand why.. i cannot fathom how even tho hes straight and im biological male he can still kiss and tell me he loves me.. it does make me happy, but the pain and void of her, is too deep to be filled..

my heart goes out to you love, ill never extinguish the flame that i hold for you. no amount of time can ever weaken that, even if the feelings shall never be returned..

you were my world booka my lifeblood, no matter what fictitious lies are told to you about me, you should know this in your heart hun. nothing can change the fact i stayed even through all of our fights, all the the drama, and yet i stayed for many many years i helped you up when you fell, i took care of you when sick, i am sorry i got sick and didnt have the strength to find help. but thats changed now, i may hold a vast emptiness that will never be filled, but i have strength now, nothing will take that from me.

perhaps one day we will be on better term, while i wish that day would come soon, alas it wont, just take care hun, i hope your life turns fine, im sure it will. your a strong, wonderful creature with immense beauty. nothing can hold you down hun, nothing.