Let me be frank. I have had a rough last three to four years. I buried my favorite uncle, my sister, my grandmother, my best friend, the woman that raised me, and now my mother in law has passed. It's uh, It's been rough. It's been so rough. I have not disliked life quite this much in many many years. I don't know what to do sometimes. Because so much is required of me and I'm falling behind the eightball. I feel every day like I'm being asked, no begged to give up. My health ain't what it need to be. My finacials, like most of us right now, are at the worst point in my career. When I say these extra kids are killing me, I can't describe to you how every damn day they burn time and resources. And I try not to be resentful of them, as their presence is my sisters failings. But I do resent having to always be the one that had to play hero, and I hate needing help. I hate feeling like all my planning and hardwork has been destroyed by the choices of others. It's just... exhausting.

I just don't know what Imma do. Looking at my dad now, and other things. I realize now that the deaths ain't gonna stop coming and all i have to do is man up and try to weather the storm. Angry that everyone ate all my provisions i saved for it. Angry at myself for letting it happen. Not the best holiday season, I assure you.