Have you ever taken a good look at your life and felt like you were lost in it? While my mind is generally never really in the best of places during the winter months, this year I find myself feeling that way, even more so than usual. I was never a huge fan of Star Trek Deep Space Nine, but when I heard about a particular episode, I had to watch it for myself. The episode is titled "The Sound of Her Voice". The story is centered on a character named Captain Lisa Cusack, Captain of the Federation Ambassador Class heavy cruiser "USS Olympia". Her ship had been on an eight year exploration mission in the Beta Quadrant. A brief synopsis is below.

"In 2371, when the ship was returning home, they discovered a planet surrounded by an energy barrier in the Rutharian sector. When the Olympia scanned the planet, the ship was hit by a surge of metreon radiation which disabled its engines and caused the ship to crash. Cusak was the only survivor.

Her distress call was received by the USS Defiant. It was initially a one-way broadcast; Miles O'Brien listened to her for some time, feeling it was the least he could do. She reminded him of his cousin as she talked about her home and family.

Eventually, he was able to make contact with her. As the Defiant made its way to the planet where she crashed, she conversed with Sisko, Julian Bashir, and O'Brien, telling them stories of her life and listening to their problems.

When the Defiant arrived at the planet in 2374, they discovered that she had been dead for three years, two months from carbon dioxide poisoning. The metreon radiation had distorted her signal, transmitting it into the future. The return signal was similarly distorted, sent back through time. Captain Sisko decided that the body was to be taken back to Deep Space 9, where the crew held a wake. Despite having never met her, the crew believed she had made a real difference to their lives just through "the sweet sound of her voice." (DS9: "The Sound of Her Voice")

I think there are people out there who wish that they could help me in some way, but I think it's far too late to make any kind of real difference. Captain Cusack died with the hope that help was on the way, that her struggle to survive would lead to her rescue, but it wasn't meant to be. What I can say in my case is that you don't wake up in your late fifties and magically erase all the questionable life choices you've made in the past. I don't know how many years I have left, but I hope they won't be spent struggling to survive, constantly regretting ever being born. No, I'm not depressed, just looking at things more realistically. One hope always remains, things could get better eventually.