Hi everyone!

Sorry that I've been quiet of late, but I've been finally getting back on track after a busy beginning of the year and looking forward to a new year and getting back into streaming. I have some games on my plate to dive into (including Age of Imprisonment, which we'll be resuming next Thursday), but also some games that I've seen come to my attention over the course of my hiatus; some pretty chill looking games to big name games, including Elden Ring and Expedition 33. For Sunday, I'm leaning on just relaxing with a fallback game or a new chill game; we'll see what comes up, so keep an eye on that post!

So that covers the Streaming Update portion of this journal. Now, we come to a more serious topic that has been bugging me of late relating to work, and recently, has crept back into my online life in some shape or form.

So, full disclosure: I've often wondered if I have some undiagnosed mental issues (disabilities, neurodivergent issues, etc.; for simplicity's sake, I'll refer to them as "disabilities"). I know for the longest time that I likely have some form of Asperger Syndrome after a conversation with my mom back in high school. Nowadays, after hanging around with some newer friends and long time friends with disabilities ranging from minor to major, I've wondered about other things, including maybe undiagnosed ADD/ADHD because of how scatterbrained or inattentive I've been in some conversations in my personal life (especially after looking back at some of my past streams and laughing over the brain farts I've had). Despite that though, I keep finding myself shrugging it off and be like: "So...?"

To a degree, I've wondered if asking myself that has both explained some of my ticks but also why I continue rolling through life just being...well...me...with little or no stressors in my life. I don't stop to think "Should I be sad about this? Should I treat myself different from others?". Over the years, I've come to understand and reflect on those issues, and, as a result, create strong, trusting bonds with those people. Even if it is limited to just a professional or work relationship, I still find myself enjoying the company of the customers I assist, and vice versa. As such, I've been able to get up and walk forward in my life with confidence and just continuing to be me.

...Which now comes to the aforementioned issue...

Please understand: I am more than happy to assist people in my job (and where I can in my personal life, online and off, within reason) who suffer from disabilities. Going in, understanding that I may have to do much of the physical or mental heavy lifting due to said issues with the other party(s), helps me prepare and come to a good resolution, and a good ending, for everyone. I've personally dealt with that with a handful of family members who suffered from such issues that made for painful experiences, yet, did what I could, where I could, within reason. For my life and my experiences, it's practically a given to acknowledge and do the right thing if one has the means and ability to do so. After all, we can't be everywhere doing everything at once; we're only human in the end.

That being said, for as many people as I help who do have disabilities, who do try their best to live with and ask for assistance where needed...there are, unfortunately, those who would weaponize their disabilities as a crutch to make others' lives more miserable, or make things harder than they need to be. Just the other day, I've dealt with one of those people (not the first time either), who clearly demonstrates that toxic trait, and uses their own issue (I'm guessing severe OCD based on their behavioral patterns from past visits) to agitate and annoy me and my coworkers, and have no situational awareness concerning the people around them, or the fact that we are literally less than 5 minutes to closing time...and...despite repeated, stern warnings (even from my manager) to not do this, they keep doing so. Whether it is all unintentional and unwitting (which, I do legit feel for those who suffer through that kind of mental Hell) or intentionally exaggerating it to get an adverse reaction out of me in a "GOTCHYA!" moment to get me fired or slander me...I don't know...either way, they show no remorse or apologize for it (and even when they do apologize, it's very hollow or half-hearted).

Because of people like that, it has me guarded all the more against people who approach me (or people I care about), make unreasonable demands, and suddenly say "OMG, YOU ANGY! YOU HATE PEOPLE WITH [Insert Disability Here]!" the moment they get any kind of justifiable pushback or denial.

For as much as I want to believe people when they say they suffer from having disabilities (especially mental ones), they have to understand that people like me are in a position where we take a lot of things with a healthy dose of skepticism. In those instances, I need verifiable proof, which should be a given from anyone, no matter what the circumstance. Even if it is from someone that I know extremely well and trust (to where I can tell something feels off one way or another), I'd still try to verify the veracity of what they say. So when people come up to me and say "Hey, so-and-so discriminated against me", and I either have no proof of the accusation, or proof to the contrary about the interaction, I'm less inclined to believe or trust them. I'm then confronted with the idea that includes (but isn't limited to): 1) they're weaponizing their disabilities (as mentioned above), or 2) they're lying about having said issue. In either case, it absolutely does not help those who do suffer from such issues, and trust is destroyed as a result.

At least, in real life, it's easier to get a feel and come to an empathetic understanding with those people while putting aside those who are bad actors or acting in bad faith. When it comes to online, though, that distinction disappears because you're not able to see the person face-to-face and be able to see (or "feel") the emotions emanating through their body language. Even if you did video chat with them, the fact they're on the other side of the screen still removes that distinction because they're "shielded" by distance and video quality (even more so if they use AI filters to hide their true appearance, which scammers do use to give legitimacy to their lies).

So, to summarize, I completely understand those who suffer from disabilities (mental in this context) to where it's crippling and they're legit unable to act without professional assistance in some circumstances; and, to those people, I will continue to help where I can, when I can, within reason, and without hesitation. But, to those who weaponize their disabilities to physically or mentally hurt others, I want nothing to do with you. At that point, you've lost my trust and respect; you come off as a petty person who wastes time dragging others down into your misery instead of seeking help and being a better person. What's worse is that you in turn make things harder for those with disabilities to get help because your case has reignited an old stigma and the fear associated with it. At a time when we need more people stepping up to embody the "Golden Rule" and be able to talk with passionate reasoning, you are not helping, you are hindering.

The only thing I can really say whole-heartedly to you in this moment is this: I hope you find the help you need, because I'm unable to give you that...