Hell of a start to this new year, huh.

I feel largely recovered since the events of my last few years, some things haven't changed like still being unable to find a job and being uncertain on a few things with life the way things have been going in current events.

Stubbornly, my life goals haven't changed; I still want to be married, I still want to be a father, and I still want to tell stories involving my characters I've been developing for the last 25+ years... Main hurdle is of course, as always, money.
I'm slowly pushing myself to return to my original pattern of drawing daily like I once used to, I still don't want to entirely rely on commissions I'm still catching up on to help support myself, but that may not be the case for too much longer perhaps. Since getting my half to the deed to my parents' house, I've been getting a regular passive income from my older brother. It's not much for now, but he says it'll increase once things are fixed/improved with the house, so I gotta be extremely frugal with my spending keeping it focused with my food and phone bills... at least until by some miracle I can be eligible once again for SNAP benefits.

I still want to do various things I haven't been able to; learn Blender for 3D models/animation, learn music software (I actually can play piano, just never had a chance to do much with those skills), make more comics, do more animations, maybe make my own vtuber (or ToonTuber, as ScottFalco graciously uploaded a nice tutorial on Youtube), create a layout for my Picarto/Twitch streams, start a Patreon for my story-based comics and animation...
It just ultimately feels like a mixture of wanting financial security to not worry about if I can feed myself, my ADHD making it hard to focus on wanting to start on something, along with my perfectionism and irrational fear.

Ironically, I already had fears that I've started too late as I let these irrational fears hold me back for the past few decades as I see younger creatives already have a jump-start with their things when I could've done the same at their age... but to be fair, lots of kids these days have access to things I wish existed back then like online free tutorials along with affordable digital art tablets and art programs. So maybe I shouldn't be too hard on myself in regards to that.

Now I feel like every stereotypical old character saying to themselves "Ah, to be young again..." :P