Alrighty, seems there's been a lot of silence going about, and that's normal for me. I'm relatively silent overall minus a few people but even then when people poke me, if it's about some favor it just starts and ends there.

So, let's get things going right now.

What Have You Been Doing?

Well I'm still around, I'm just quiet and living the same day to day beat as others. Been trying to increase my social skills by volunteering at a few local fur cons, though that's about it since my age range isn't out there or my social cues aren't good. Everything comes to mind first draft and been on the fence if I'm even with ADHD or not, if things are my fault for never learning the right study habits, if I'm a by-product of today's instant gratification or burnt out gift child now with life catching up with them. Admittingly was in that area growing up, got great grades and never had to study much until suddenly high school and no one knew how to help you study, just that you "had" to.

So plans is still volunteering at fur cons when they come around since I wanna get more involved in in-person things, but otherwise still doing the same struggles people have with a job and life. Stimulation and Satisfaction suck.

How is Art Going?

it's not, or rather it's just slow. As of late I been doing a lot of introspective thinking and recently turned 30. Lotta life progress stuff not being met aside, art has been very mood driven and never been purely been able to focus on something for long or for an extended period of time. Why a lot of my drawings tend to just be sketches or doodles is because it gets the idea out and done in a short time, coloring it takes a lot longer and even more when you're not sure how to learn coloring or finding the right workflow for your own art. So as a result, things been going a lot slower, sometimes i draw like 3 times a week, or sometimes I go a month without making a whole thing. Life, work and the balance of trying to make time and flow for art to happen. I get ideas, but not motivation to make. If i do, it should be done quick. if not then it'll be added to my idea journal.

So When Will You Open Comms Again?

this...this is a pet peeve of mine because I know that there are people who want art. I made art from a hobby to a career but this gets under my skin for other reasons. It just is a reminder I'm not where I want to be, I should have been making a lot more progress or a lot more art than I have already but it also feels worse when people keep asking and I'm not ready. I never reopen unless I feel ready and my queue/plate is empty, and if it isn't empty. I'm not ready, but it's like a constant jab at me when I get asked because it feels that goal line gets further and further away. Being told my art is great, you should do comms, when are you open again, I really wanna commission you, etc. that doesn't make me feel good. Just the opposite.

So, this mean you won't do art/comms again?

No, just means that I need a system that works for me. People have assistants, network of artists to work with or people who check in on you in a healthy way. I don't have that, I live in a shared space and art is just not for show with people around me, people can bug me and that focus is broken. My commission form works for starting, but not for keep going. I want to figure that out and then see how i want to reapproach doing art comms, if Stream Only moments so it's done on the spot or just keep the queues very small since my limit isn't growing bigger but seems to be shrunk.

What's next then?

Well, summer is approaching. If i'm lucky i'll get a new entry in Naomi's Summer Body before September, but otherwise there isn't nothing planned. If i get enough pieces to upload from a back log I will, but otherwise I'm just stuck in this rut where walking around stores, malls or things doesn't feel like I'd get some pleasure out of much. So trying to find a feel good way of relaxing, without stress, and then being able to focus on your work.


Until next time,

Zylo