5/1/2024
Form of a Dragon
There's a lot of curves. I take inspiration from my cat Mila a lot to capture what I want out of my dragons. Cute but fierce. I'll update my journal semi-frequently as I think it's a good way to capture what's going through my head. For now I'm studying colors and perspective. I've been rotating cubes and stuff, made my first animation recently in Clip Studio of a dog's mouth, and I'm beginning to feel comfortable again in making art. It's always been something shunned by my family and I'm finally at an age where it just doesn't matter anymore --- I can make and do what I want to do and want to make.
5/2/2024
One Person Can Change the Whole Trajectory
The title is a reflection I've been thinking about. I've been doing rough, and I've been put on more medication --- It's expensive. I have an autoimmune disease that makes everything so much harder, and I'm coming to terms with it. Art is something I have always made and done, and I lost touch with that part of myself when I was denying my sickness and denying my health's decline. I've changed a lot and I'll continue to change, and genuinely, I wouldn't be here if I was always alone. There are people that have changed the entire trajectory of my life, and they usually show up in ones scattered throughout the times of my life. I'm grateful for everyone who's ever cast faith on me because I wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for you guys believing in me when no one else did. Thank you, I'll keep trying my best.
5/6/2024
Learning Animation
I got bipedal walking pretty quickly. I can use myself as a reference anytime. I understood that pretty easily. Quadrupeds? Holy. That is hard to make look good. It took me three days of relentless effort to produce that walk cycle, watched hours of other people's walk cycles, and there was a second where I almost gave up, but obviously I didn't. I did it, and I can reproduce it. All there's left is continuing to add on to it.
8/3/2024
Why we take breaks.
You get burnt out. Especially with autoimmune disease. You don't hate it, you just hate feeling tired. I hate feeling tired. Feels degrading. I'm working on this new concept I like, I'm still ass at coloring. We'll work on it. I've got my whole life.
9/6/2024
Fuck it, we ball.
I got terrible news today. Yesterday they took eleven vials of blood. Polyarthopathy. Like I knew I had it, but to have it confirmed sucks. Sometimes you really wanna believe it's all in your head. https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=MxEjnYdfLXU&si=ugXiaMn5WWoyiynf That's how I feel right now. I want my dreams to come true, and that does involve being a great artist. There's no greater motivation than knowing you only have so much time to try and become your best.