If something makes you miserable, eventually you have to stop doing it.

When I first joined as a teenager, I was taken in by the interesting people and characters. (And of course, the porn.) However, over the years I began to see the true nature of the fandom: the sexual deviancy, the never-ending popularity contests, the culture of "call-outs" and all of the fake friendships. Over time, I became a jaded and bitter shell of my former self.

All of this culminated in my visit to FWA 2022. People who I trusted, who I thought loved and cared about me, who I wanted to spend time with... they ghosted me. While it's true that I had some nice experiences there, the betrayals that I experienced there have deeply wounded me. I began to have suicidal thoughts, and mostly stayed in my hotel room.

Now that I have returned home, I realize that the fandom has become a source of toxicity for me. And so, it is with a heavy heart that I must take my leave.

I will leave my FA account active for posterity. (And besides, most of you only care about the art anyway.) I will be deleting my Twitter, and will only allow a select few people to message me on Telegram or Discord. I will, however, be leaving all of my group chats and deleting my own groups.

I regret that I will be living Kintama behind. He was the first truly original character that I ever created, and I was very proud of him. I would also like to apologize to anyone that I have hurt. I know I'm not exactly a good person, but I will soon begin seeing a therapist and improve myself.

Maybe someday, we can meet again. Farewell.

The end of a dream
I leave behind everything
To begin anew.

- HIM Kintama Ryo