I get real annoyed by performative trans allyship on here (and in other queer spaces) and the way that it's apparently been decided that trans people are the one minority that doesn't get to reclaim words.

it's frankly a pretty privileged position. maybe you've been able to distance yourself from it all at your IT job with the rainbow flag in the window but when the rest of us have had to advertise in adult ads under every label under the sun if we want to make rent then we don't get the luxury of putting asterisks in the vowels. and it's exhausting enough to put on a public and a private face, you end up demanding that we put a third one on around queer communities or else we get labelled as being bigoted against, ourselves? this "allyship" sure looks like yet another way to exclude trans people considered too dirty for your optics.

if we're talking among ourselves and saying offensive words when quoting bullshit thrown at us, or close friends are using them in an elbow jabbing way, or we're describing our own bodies using terms we've had to endure as a way to try and regain some semblance of control over our identities, you know it's not the same as bigots throwing it at us as an insult. we see what you're doing. you're facetiously going after a soft target for social capital. I don't see you calling out gay men for calling each other fags in a familial way, but of course they're held to a different standard.

there's a popular cis male artist on here that says in his main profile that he refuses to serve anyone who uses a "slur" like "d*ckgirl" and that applies even if a woman is referring to herself. how have we gotten to a point where people see this as progressive. that's not even a word that needs reclaiming, that's just descriptive. I don't think I've ever even seen that used as a slur and I've seen a lot of insults. I am a girl who has a dick, that is a kind of girl. "trans" alone blurs my demographic out of existence. I consider the fact that I am part of that specific subset of trans girls to be part of my identity. I am tired of what I am (in real life as well if that matters to you) being considered some shameful half-formed "partially transitioned" thing that isn't real. anyone who does shit like this is no ally of mine.

there's also the issue that not every girl with a dick is trans. there are lots of cis women on here with female characters who have penises as either a temporary or permanent part of their character design. fictional characters are commonly from worlds full of shapeshifters and cybernetic body mods where this would probably be commonplace in fact. you can't call all these characters trans, that too would be inaccurate and insensitive, which leads to artists using terms like "intersex" with equal inaccuracy. I don't like this trend of policing which people are allowed to experiment with which genital configurations either. that is the height of hypocrisy and accomplishes nothing. that exact experimentation is how a lot of us discovered ourselves and is probably the reason why there are so many trans furries in the first place.

when I say I want trans rights I mean I want to stop hearing stories from friends about how they're scared of being seen in public. I mean I want the suicide attempt rate to be a bit lower than 50%. I mean I don't want to be worried that a paramedic is going to be some christian that refuses to resuscitate me in an emergency because I am the work of the devil. I don't give a shit if people get off to herms just because that word collides with an ancient slur nobody even uses as a slur anymore.

there's a kind of slutshaming that gets wrapped up in this too, or perhaps it's just an attempt to ghettoize us. people hijack and misconstrue meaningful discussions about the negative effects of fetishization and go on to brand all attraction to trans bodies as fetishization. it's rare that I get a cis woman who's attracted to me who isn't in a state of apologetic timidness because she's worried that expressing any interest whatsoever is "fetishizing" me even when I'm trying to actively flirt. this just serves to constantly remind me of my state as an alienated Other, and probably outright filters out a huge chunk of my already limited dating pool of women who are okay with dating trans women, so thanks for that allies.

and I don't want this to be a social capital thing either. I don't want anybody calling anybody out or making big public apologies or bragging about how much more they've learned compared to the next guy or rallying team reclaim vs team asterisk, I just want everyone to lighten up and maybe focus on more pressing issues. a good litmus test is that if the majority of your e-activism involves shouting at the demographic you're convinced you're protecting, perhaps reevaluate.