I hate that you’ve turned into the monster in my mind that haunts my everwaking moments
when you were just supposed to be my mom that I love.
I used to love you like you were my child, even if it was supposed to be the opposite… I knew that you needed me, but I never did anything, I never was anything that could fix you. I think you’ve always hated me for that.
That love, it shattered into pieces so far and wide that I can no longer feel it over the apathy. I still can’t let go. a part of me clings on desperately, to the love you carry for me- even in its sickest and twisted form. Is it real? Has it ever been real? Even when all my love is buried under the ashes of my past self, twisted in fear and anger- I still come back to you. I come back to you even when it is torture. I come back knowing it wont ever be okay. I will always be in the wrong, doing something wrong, being wrong but I try. If you can even call it that.
you cant ever know how much you make me want to die.