Hey there everyone! I hope that 2022 has been at least a decent year for all of you!

I'll do a quick TL:DR up here: I am still improving, I am healing, and I have changed my main FA account to Corgsdale

It has been... A year for me. A lot of things have happened, I've had to continue to struggle with a lack of being able to create, and just in general it has been another continuation of the hell year that was 2020 for me. I want to give you all a wrap-up, as well as plans that I have for going forward and slowly, very slowly, getting myself back up to writing for all of you again as well as working on making my game again.

So! I had another round of surgery about 7 weeks ago. It will HOPEFULLY be the last one, as I am recovering much faster and cleaner than the previous time. I still have those spasms on my left side, and those are looking to be permanent. There is a lot less pain, though, so that is something that is at least improved and was the most challenging part for me to recover from. Basically, there were anchors installed in my left shoulder last year when I had the first surgery to repair it in May, and those needed to come out as well as some more cleaning and repair of the joint. This hopefully means no more surgery, but it is another thing to recover from as well as another setback in my timeline to get better. I wanted to be writing and better by now... Hell, over the summer, I was planning on being well enough to give everyone their work by this time this year. But, best-laid plans and all of that. So basically, I am getting better and starting to feel more and more like myself. I've been working with my doctor to get my mental state back up to snuff as well, as that has been a massive struggle this year for me. It was... Bad at the beginning and through the middle of this year, to put it lightly. I was suicidal on and off, struggling to eat, barely sleeping, and constantly in debilitating pain... It was awful, and it wasn't getting better. I did take the step to talk to my doctor, though, and doing that helped out a lot as he changed the medication I was on for depression as well as upping the dose of my other medication. I'm not so proud as to admit that I haven't struggled this year to get to even where I am functional again, but I will say that I am trying. I have been to my doctors; I have not skipped out on a single appointment; I am doing the therapies; I am working to get better. I am not going to sit idle as I owe people things and as I struggle with the fact that I have not been able to create. I can't do that; you all have supported me, as well as friends from the background and foreground, and you deserve me doing my best to make sure that I get out of this and come back to create for all of you again.

All of that said, I am still not better. 2 years of not really typing at all, thanks to pain, has made my fingers very weak, and I need to get some real practice in to get back to where I was. This will take more time, and more patience from those that are already being immensely patient with me. This comes from me having broken my fingers numerous times, as well as just how I type. I touch-type, so I need to be able to bend my hands in ways that hurt... I have arthritis, so it's not fun to have to really get myself loosened up to type some more. I am doing my best with that, too, doing little exercises and typing more and more as I have gotten more comfortable holding my arms out to do so. This is another work in progress, like so many things about me and in life, and I am grateful to have people who are so patient with me as I continue to work on this. I have been working bit by bit on my Toyhou.se to practice this as well, updating the bios of my many, many characters there as I slowly work to get better. It is something that I can do to pass the time, as well as something that helps to develop the universe of the game I am working on; New SaggingTon, which is set in the universe I have been writing in pretty much since I started writing. I have done that, I have been playing games, building legos, and just doing little exercises all to get my hands fully back under my own control. There was swelling and nerve damage from the surgeries that left me basically completely unable to control my hands in a way that I want, but a combination of anti-spasm meds as well as my own work has gotten me back almost all of that control. It has been a very, very long road... But, there is a light at the end of the tunnel for me, and all that is really needed is some more work to reach it. That was a lot of my 2022 as well; getting that control back and getting back on the horse.

I went to 4 conventions this year, and it was nice to be able to talk writing again and to get that inspiration and good feeling back. It was a lot to get back up in front of people after a couple years of just being home and everything, but it brought back a lot of my confidence in my craft as well as getting me back to talking with other writers. I needed that a lot, as it was a bit of motivation I needed. I am not someone many talk to... I kind of lead a pretty quiet life at the end of the day thanks to a certain few poisoning the well about me when I quietly just sit in the fandom and take up my little space. There's no point in going into all of that so I shan't, but I do quietly just sit and let it happen; if those out there want to believe the rumors and misrepresentation of me, then so be it. I do want to set the record straight on all of it though, as I am tired of seeing the rumors and addressing them. I'm not transphobic despite being labeled as such by some thanks to a misunderstood tweet from a former roommate that wasn't even about me. I am not emotionally manipulative despite being branded as such by a bitter ex who has a history of being toxic. I have never cheated on anyone despite being labeled as such by a different ex who did so to me. And last but the most important, I am not racially insensitive despite being called that by someone whose only claim to know how to judge that was having PoC neighbors. I simply am me; someone who has made mistakes, will continue to make mistakes, and is very far from perfect. I am working on that, and part of that was getting back out to conventions and getting that confidence and drive to see that I am not my failures, nor am I my successes; I am simply me. Talking writing, having friends around, and just kind of existing as the fly on the wall in a fandom I have been in for 22 years now is all that I am anymore. That is fine by me, and that is who I am... And who I will continue to be, even as I work to get back any self-esteem and see past my own flaws to be something better.

Part of that was moving accounts to Corgsdale. I will be only posting on that account going forward, so make sure that you go and give that account a look. This account is NOT going to be dead, I will still have it logged in on my phone and look at it, but my main account going forward will be the Corgsdale account. This is Devon, my new main sona as well as who I am to the fandom now. Sasuke is over 20 years old at this point, and I want to move from that character and onto something that more accurately represents me. I have changed that over the last couple years on social media and telegram and in roleplays and even in person, but I have not changed that here. I want to move past the last piece of the fandom that has been holding me here... So I have cleared all notifications from this account and moved. It was hard; I did it with bleary eyes and with a heavy hole in my heart as this account has been with me for years and years. I have watched the fandom spread into what it is from here. I have posted some of my best work here. I have been a wolfdragon and known as this wolfdragon since there was only 2 in the fandom as far as I knew. It was and still is a hard choice for me, but it is something that I have done to really... To be more of the me that I am now, rather than the me that I was 22 years ago when I first found furry and hopped in with shining eyes and utter excitement. I'm older, hopefully wiser, and I have changed immensely since then. I've undergone so much change in that time that Sasuke just doesn't represent who I am well anymore... And Devon, well Devon is much more me. And I will be keeping them for another 20 years for sure.

So, looking forward now that I've talked about the past year in broad strokes, I will be continuing to practice writing and to get better. This takes time, and it will be something that is an ongoing process. Even writing this journal I have needed to stop numerous times to stretch my hands and to get them feeling at least a little more comfortable. There is still a lot of pain and struggle on my end, and that isn't going to go away overnight. Or in a week. Or even in a month. It's going to take time, and I am going to take that time. I want to come back to writing for all of you in a way that doesn't make my old work look better. I have evolved as a writer in many ways; my voice has more confidence, my style has more dialogue, my words have grown. I've gotten better, is the best way that I can say it... And I want to make sure that I am at my best for all of you to show that. So I thank you all for waiting; I know it has been a long time and that I have been struggling... But I want you all to know that NOTHING has been forgotten. NOTHING has been cancelled. NOTHING has been scammed or stolen from you. Things are just taking a long time because... Well, life has happened to me. Life has been happening hard over the last 5 years to me, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Things are stable here at last, I have a setup and workspace, I haven't been needed to put out fires with my family... It's been a lot better than things have been in years for me on a lot of fronts but my own physical and mental health, and even those are improving. So there is going to be things from me... I cannot say when, as I am past making promises or guesses, but I am going to be doing things going forward. I love creating too much not to. So thank you, see you, and I am so grateful.

Ciao for now.