Many people understand heck all about depression. Even more do not care. As long as that stigma exists, no one will understand me or what I have been going through for nearly 30 years. Yes. I have been diseased for THAT LONG. Many of you know this already.

Some of you are sick of hearing me talk about how down and miserable I am, and I understand that completely. However, what you do not seem to understand (you know who you are) is that I have been underneath this damn rain cloud for a quarter of a century. In layman's terms, A LONG ASS TIME.

I don't expect everyone to put up with me forever. A lot of people have wisely cut me off for one reason or another either because I mistakenly wronged them or they had simply had enough of me and my many, MANY issues. Whether they be mere acquaintances, people I have considered friends or (shockingly) potential lovers, I've grown accustomed to people getting sick of me and getting gone while said getting was damn good. Part of me is just waiting for my family to follow suit, believe it or not.

I am a thoroughly damaged person. I did not get enough love from my parents growing up. I was bullied and mistreated every single day of my school life, physically and verbally (mostly the latter). I have been taken advantage of by deceitful snakes looking for some kind of ego boost under the guise of mentor-ship. Numerous peers have profanely dismissed me for having a differing opinion to their own. All of this, coupled with the constant barrage of terrible, tragic events going on in the world during my time in it, has given me a violent HATRED of humanity as a whole. Half of me sees the human race (myself very much included) as a blight on God's creation and I would very much prefer that we were eradicated from this planet, as the cosmos would be much MUCH better off without us ruining it.

That being said, I am not blind to the good things we are capable of. I have just been conditioned to see the bad before the good. I don't know what it means to be happy or loved, and every time I think I do, something - ANYTHING - will happen to make me question what I think I know. All this because my ill brain is incapable of shaking off depression on its own like normal people can.

I've shared all this to express myself, get things off my chest, and help you better understand me. The link below is an article about depression. Please don't comment on this until you've you've read all of this post and/or all of the article. I'm not trying to lecture or preach or whine. I just want to share what I'm feeling and maybe, just maybe, be understood and keep you, my loved ones, from leaving me.

https://www.commonwealmagazine.org/.....=pocket-newtab